Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

Well, isn't that conVEEEEEENient?

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

The woman on the bike sounds like someone worth knowing.

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

Are you saying before or after she wins the lawsuit?

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

I have a friend who visited TCOTU not too long ago, and rented a car. (Yeah, I know. An idiot.)

Anyway, as he pulled his rental car up to a restaurant valet, a pedestrian started screaming at him, yelling "you hit me!" He and the valet exchanged looks of "what a nut," and he went into the restaurant without a second thought.

Until he was served here in Podunkville with the lawsuit a few months later ("hey, Not Bob -- it says I'm being sued in the Supreme Court on these papers. Do I need to respond? I've never been in Washington."), that is. He's just been deposed.

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

How did the plaintiff describe it in the complaint - a hit and eat? A Knock and Nosh?

aV

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

Translation:

This morning, I saw some loopy old peasant woman with a raggedy coat come spinning by on her bicycle. While a tiny part of me was taken by the quaintness of the situation, I could not resist swinging my door open into her for kicks. She crashed to the frozen asphalt in the most comical manner and I immediately burst into uncontrollable hysterical laughter, but my driver was good enough to roll down his window and briefly feign concern.

I'd be concerned about the spiritual ramifications of my actions, but hell is for the little people.

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

Maybe you should open your fucking eyes when you get out of a cab?

Last person who opened a cab door in my face like that got a roundhouse kick to the face. But typically I just mule-kick the door and (hopefully) catch a couple of fingers.

And by the way, I am handling her case. Since the cab only has 25 g in insurance we are suing you.

Uh-oh. I'm in Trouble.
 

Still sore about the last time I opened the door in your face and laughed and laughed? (Oh, how I laughed...)

Whew! Good thing I gave her my real name!

Slate Competes with Lawtalkers Contest
 

Slate is having a contest for lawyers:

So, not only does Slate want to hear the meanest thing you've ever done to an opponent on the holidays, but we want to reward the most contemptuously awful stunt we unearth with lovely swag. Let us know whether we can print your name. (As if.) Please send your most evil pre-holiday shenanigans to grinchesq@hotmail.com. The best stories will be reprinted here shortly, and the Most Evil Attorney in the World will be showered with Slate paraphernalia. This contest is also open to anyone, anywhere with stories of hideous pre-holiday lawyer shenanigans, whether they were perpetrated upon you by counsel on the other side, by bosses in your law firm, or you merely heard about them from some sad-sack lawyer in a bar on Christmas morning. Still, Slate reserves the right to limit showers of swag to those brave enough to turn themselves in for being the worst holiday cretins of all time.

Will the winner also receive a fist dildo?

Link

A reason to rethink my premium cable choices
 

Showtime may rescue Arrested Development

Goodbye Cinemax!

A reason to rethink my premium cable choices
 

Sweet.

Although I think I prefer it when they bleep out the swear words -hopefully they'll continue doing that.

Also, Monday night's episode wasn't their best (but, like always, it had its GREAT moments).

Prezzies!
 

Not according to the Pope. Well, the last one, at least. You know, the one who wasn't a Nazi sympathizer?

Prezzies!
 

I thought that was two ago.

No Fun
 

Sometimes he is after the beat-down.

RFP
 

Still bitter about Str8 killing the spinning movie, eh?

RFP
 

Someone you haven't fisted.

Poll
 

Who is scarier:

http://pics.livejournal.com/themusesbitch/pic/0003pr2y

or

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi..._bg_112303.jpg

or

[propose scarier product mascot, noting, of course, that the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man has already been proposed by Dr. Raymond Stantz]

Poll
 

Poll
 

Then there's this:

http://213.131.178.163/library/image...er%20front.jpg

Poll
 

How about that freaky talking Quizno's baby?

Poll
 

I can't believe that people are still eating at McDonalds after seeing what that food has done to the hips and butt on that guy. And don't even get me started on Grimace.

Poll
 

Can you believe that McDonalds uses this huge, obese blob of a character to promote its fattening food?

Poll
 

Uh. In fact I can't believe that they do so successfully. But I think that was the thrust (hahahahaha! I said thrust! reminds me of fisting!! oh, good times!) of my prior post.

I take it you think that their marketing stategy is clever?

Poll
 

To be fair, the fat ass is aimed at the kids. Adults are differently targeted.

Poll
 

You can't just come back here and act like everything is normal. Your fisting lashing penetrated all of us deeply and painfully, and has forever left us agape.

Poll
 

I was just trying to get you started on Grimace.

Poll
 

I have never come here and acted like everything in normal.

Poll
 

That woman is emaciated!!!

Poll
 

If you were going out to eat, and Fringey recommended a restaurant, wouldn't you listen to her advice?

Poll
 

I thought Flower's post was timely, and well-thought out. At it's heart, tough love is still love.

Poll
 

Perhaps. If my primary criterion for fine dining were portion size.

Poll
 

Oh. the day after criticizing fisting posts, you fall back to "fringey is overweight?"

I solely meant that both Ronald McDonald and Fringey seem to always be in a good mood, and thus one could extrapolate they were exposed to positive food experiences.

Poll
 

I'm sure Flower is thrilled to have your endorsement.

Poll
 

I completely misread your post. And to think that my original thought was not to mock what I mistakenly believed to be your premise (that fat people have better food appreciation), but to savagely attack you for, a day after my anti-fisting-cliche rant, making the same incredibly tired fingey-is-fat joke that you make in at least three of every ten posts on the FB. Such an attack would have been horribly misplaced given your sensible explanation of the fringey comment. That would have been a humbling moment for me. For the cyber-record, I tend to agree with your point. I would rather take restaurant advice from someone like fringey, who appears to have the upbeat joie-de-vivre that would lend itself to a greater appreciation of fine dining.

Poll
 

I have read this post what must be a thousand times, but still the fisting reference eludes me. Kudos to your masterful subtlety.

Poll
 

That's what I'd expect you to say, you sadistic fuck.

Poll
 

Just as an academic aside, I also don't think you can assume an obese diner is attracted to any one restaurant by portion size. In many case the overweight break society's taboo against ordering multiple entrees, and thus can still overindulge in a restaurant that does not provide unduly large portions.

Poll
 

I know it can be difficult to concentrate while enjoying unsolicited blowjob after unsolicited blow job. Especially when you're high. We've all been there. But this is hardly subtle. A fisting reference tied to the oh-so-tired spin class gag. You know Coltrane is capable of better.

Poll
 

You whiffed. He said fat people are jolly. Personally I am shocked, appalled, and saddened by this egregious stereotyping.

Poll
 

http://www.ericneely.com/images/photos/20021227-3.jpg
http://www.ericneely.com/images/photos/20021227-4.jpg http://www.ericneely.com/images/photos/20021227-5.jpg
http://www.ericneely.com/images/photos/20021227-6.jpg