Slate's Guide
 

to Magazine Gift Guides

http://www.slate.com/id/2132352/


New York magazine's gift guide includes a section on gift interpretation: "Good to know that buying an expensive bottle of Scotch for your office Secret Santa is code for 'Gimme some nookie.'"

Slate's Guide
 

Oh, crap.

NOW you tell me.


At what point does the label "expensive" apply? I think I may be safe...

Name that FB Betty!
 

UnderPANTS. Jesus Hank. You are so disrespectful to me. UnderPANTS.

Slate's Guide
 

You should have gone with the chewing tobacco.

Not Bob's Flashback -- update
 

So, you all may recall that hearing the Waitresses sing "Christmas Wrapping" yesterday on the radio was (like the smell of a cookie) the trigger of a wee bit of misty, water-colored memories of the punk rock girl.

Anyway, like any other stalke...uh, friend who lost touch, I googled the punk rock girl. I think (based upon a picture of her wearing a flannel shirt at a fundraiser to benefit a "womyn's collective") that she may now be a lesbian, nttwwt.

Slate's Guide
 

And just when, exactly, isn't that good advice?

Slate's Guide
 

Say if I want to let the receptionist know I would like to ejaculate on her as she sits at her desk- what's a good gift?

Slate's Guide
 

Showercap and toothpaste?

Slate's Guide
 

http://www.containmentcorner.com/images/sp-22.jpg

http://www.containmentcorner.com/tsp-22.html

http://images.search.yahoo.com/searc...t=225&ei=UTF-8

Not Bob's Flashback -- update
 

So she doesn't dress like Minnie Pearl. Another fantasy shattered.

Vindicated!
 

Actually, it was a P.F. Chang's at the mall buying Christmas gifts, and researching world cellular plans.

On a related note, I have learned that I can start withdrawing my IRAs (and rolled over 401(k)'s) even at age 39 with no lump taxation or penalties under what is called a 72(t) SEPP distribution. See http://www.retireearlyhomepage.com/wdraw59.html . Psyche!

uh
 

You should not let a sock get you so angry. It's a bit surprising from a seasoned poster like you.

uh
 

Mmmmm, pumpkin pie seasoning. And poultry seasoning. And seasoned salt.

Vindicated!
 

There are also websites that tell you you don't have to pay income tax at all, and that, even if you did, the money you are paying with is illegal.

uh
 

You see, boy, you really ARE superior.

Vindicated!
 

It's true.

uh
 

I just wanted to explain that I hadn't made an anti-ncs post, because Fringey seemed offended.

Colds
 

The soup suggestions are good but you really want to get some Zicam.

And in Sunnybunny's absence, I will also suggest getting one of those weird things to run salt water through your sinuses. I think the one I have is called SinusCleanse and they sell them at Walgreen's. It feels pretty creepy but does help with stuffiness.

uh
 

I missed the whole part where he said it was about me, not that other LA chick. If you hadn't quoted it, I wouldn't have known at all.

I just thought your sig line was presumptuous.

Colds
 

I understand from watching TV that a teapot will suffice.

uh
 

If you and I are not friends, then I have no friends here, and "most beloved" has to have friends, unless the vote was mockery, like in Carrie.

uh
 

Hi Carrie.

uh
 

You were angry at a sock and it was embarrassing. For us and, mostly, for you.

uh
 

Harvard taught me many things, but dealing with adversity is not one of them. Especially low IQ adversity. But I commit to try and be more callous in the future. Plus, I'm not old school so I don't know every rule.

Gattigap's drunken post of the day
 

Yes, it's more properly a PB/Book Club post. Tough shit. Atticus don't go there no' mo', so it's stuck here.

We've debated ID here (well, there) from time to time. This doesn't really touch on ID as a discipline, per se, but it tries to harmonize religion and science in search of Ultimate Truth.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/07...CLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Gerald Schroeder, in The Science of God*, "advances the dialogue beyond the cliches and stereotypes of which both scientists and religious believers have been guilty."

If that sounds like a book blurb, that's because it is. Nevertheless, it appears to be accurate. I'm still working my way through it, but I'm impresed by Schroeder's ability to look at the strengths and flaws of creationism/evolution and related topics, and finding a middle ground.

Thumbs up from Gattigap.





* RT, feel free to edit to run this through the Lawtalkers link. It's beyond my ken.

Gattigap's drunken post of the day
 

You might also be interested in the astrophysical theory of reincarnation proposed by Frank Tipler in The Physics of Immortality, described in passing in this article in Slate. Notice how the Slate writer makes him sound like a doofus by quoting him in his Southern accent, while the Princeton men he quotes are not similarly mocked for their Jersey guido accents.

Reality TV rec.
 

Old and busted: Mythbusters.
New hotness: Dirty Jobs. If you had told me I should check out a show in which a man jerks off a pig, I would say, "Thanks, Less, but I only have basic cable." And yet there it is, on the Discovery Channel. Good times! I think I have a mancrush on Mike Rowe. Mostly appropriate for kids over four, if you don't mind your kid learning the word "crap" or how to jerk off a pig.

Colds
 

Whoever has me for FB Secret Santa, get me one of these. Be sure to include a commemorative hot sauce packet.

uh
 

Yessirree, boy, you shore are one smart cookie.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

Because I've already ruined Less's week by destroying his fantasy of me lusting after Minnie Pearl, I decided that it was time for an inane poll -- what holiday songs do you hate?

I'll go first -- "Christmas Shoes." Nothing else is even close. Cloyingly sacharine lyrics, emotion-filled white-guy voice rising to a crescendo at the end -- argh.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

That's easy. "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." This is obligatory on the playlist of certain Clearfinity stations on Christmas day. It's a stupid song, probably from the '50's (if I were to guess) sung by a woman in a forced "little girl" voice, including forced mispronunciations. The. Single. Dumbest. Christmas. Song. EVER.

It not only makes me want to take a hammer to the stereo, but also take an ice pick to my eardrums.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

1. "Do they know it's Christmas?" I alternately like and despise this song. I like it because it's full of cheesy UK 80s pop stars that remind me of my reckless 80s youth. (Ultravox? wtf). I despise it because I despised it when it came out for being culturally insensitive. Yes, there's snow in Africa. Ever been to Kilimanjaro? And perhaps they don't know it's Christmas because they don't fucking celebrate Christmas? Ever heard of tribal religions? The Masaai probably don't know it's Christmas and don't care, thank you very much.

2. At the risk of incurring the wrath of the Bruce fans, "Merry Christmas Baby". I don't care if it's a celebration of the working man at Christmas. I don't give a fuck. It's just an annoying song.

3. Any version of "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" done in a breathy voice. Actually, any version, period.

4. "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth". Bah humbug.

I'm not a grinch - I like it when the Whos down in Whoville sing and the Grinch carves the roast beast.

Posting Frenzy
 

Does this remind anyone of anyone?

Little boy: ...and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

--Barnes & Noble ladies' room, Union Square


Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

I don't know what it's called. I don't want to know what it's called, but I will drop everything and leave the premises if I hear this stupid, idoitic, can't-stand-to-even-think-about-it Christmas song that repeats the words "hey Santa" over and over again.

Bed, Bath, and Beyond! lost the sale of some satin sheets, some of those cool new silicone baking pans, a stainless steel trash can and assorted kitchen stocking stuffers (possibly even an avacado slicer) last year or the year before because of that song. May whoever wrote, sang, produced or otherwise was associated with inflicting the song on the general public be forced to live in a hell where they hear nothing but that song for eternity.

Roger Toussaint is a Pussy
 

My drinking last night was done on the premise that the TWU had some balls and would shut this goddamn city down today. Mike Quill is spinning in his grave.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

Crazily enough, it's called "Hey Santa!" and is sung by the sisters Wilson (no, not the ones from Heart, the ones from Brian).

http://g-images.amazon.com/images/G/...617c2010.L.jpg

And really, isn't being Carnie Wilson hell enough, when it comes right down to it?

Posting Frenzy
 

Yes, when I read it I thought he seems like the kind of boy who would use a blow-up Santa as a punching bag.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

Maybe I should take it to the other strand but I read recently in one of the cooking magazines that when they tested the silicone cookware against the traditional pans, the traditional pans won. The silicone apparently has a tendency to overbrown the outside and leave the inside undercooked.

New poll -- Holiday Songs You Hate
 

It was remarkably prescient--global warming and all.

http://www.commondreams.org/headline...es/1018-01.jpg

Hey Thursday Next fans
 

Not often you get a cross-over book club/lingerie post, but I thought some people might find it funny that Fredericks of Hollywood has a new item -- the Lola Vavoom corset, indirectly named after the "Thursday Next" minor character.* Of course, since the names of their items don't appear anywhere except on internal reports, it might be tough for you to find the Lola Vavoom corset in stores, but still, you can be happy knowing that there is such a thing.

*It's actually named for our dog, who was named after the literary character.