LawTalkers - Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03

paigowprincess
*Getting on the assterick bandwagon. I assume that a woman eating Slave's ass out would not face a nasty sweaty hairy ass but would have a serious case of razor burn.

What do you mean assume?

This sounds like one of those "I have this friend who..."

not7ySmooth

sebastian_dangerfield

08-07-2003 04:36 PM

Alphabet Soup

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Why is it uncomfortalbe/ Does she have scales on her tongue or are you just empathetic to how gross it must be to stick one's tongue into the nasty sweaty hairy ass of a man?*

*Getting on the assterick bandwagon. I assume that a woman eating Slave's ass out would not face a nasty sweaty hairy ass but would have a serious case of razor burn.

Why is it not uncomfortable?

You're out drinking in a sweaty bar and you come home and start messing around with a girl and you're fucking for a while and switching positions back and forth and suddenly she goes from being on top to spreading your legs like you're in stirrups and eating out your ass. "Hey baby... gimme a little hint before you go for that kind of action...." The first thoughts that come to mind are "Fuck, I hope I didn't take a beer shit at that last bar?" Then you start thinking "Fuck... this chicks is eye to eye with my asshole - I've tried to look at my asshole in a mirrior before and didn't like what I saw... What the hell must she be thinking?" And finally... "NOTE TO SELF - DO NOT KISS THIS CHICK."

Yeh, its fucking really uncomfortable. I don't have to do the gyno visit once a year. I ain't used to stirrups...

S(and no, I did not repay the favor - she can eat her own starfish out if she likes)D

paigowprincess

08-07-2003 04:39 PM

Alphabet Soup

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Why is it not uncomfortable?

You're out drinking in a sweaty bar and you come home and start messing around with a girl and you're fucking for a while and switching positions back and forth and suddenly she goes from being on top to spreading your legs like you're in stirrups and eating out your ass. "Hey baby... gimme a little hint before you go for that kind of action...." The first thoughts that come to mind are "Fuck, I hope I didn't take a beer shit at that last bar?" Then you start thinking "Fuck... this chicks is eye to eye with my asshole - I've tried to look at my asshole in a mirrior before and didn't like what I saw... What the hell must she be thinking?" And finally... "NOTE TO SELF - DO NOT KISS THIS CHICK."

Yeh, its fucking really uncomfortable. I don't have to do the gyno visit once a year. I ain't used to stirrups...

S(and no, I did not repay the favor - she can eat her own starfish out if she likes)D

This would be a great stand up bit for Palphie May. You should write comedy bc I am still LOLing. Leagl, can we start a greatest hits library and put this one in there?

ThrashersFan

08-07-2003 04:39 PM

Slot C Redux

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I had a first date with a hot tex ask me if he could go down on me. I thought that was inappropriate first date behavior, certinaly not for a classy lady like me, so I just fucked him.

This only serves to increase my internet-based respect for you. Any gal is remiss to equate semi-anonymous sex with reason to forget her classy upbringing.

Shape Shifter

08-07-2003 04:44 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Would such gaping not cause problems? This aspect now makes it seem like a very, very bad idea.

Like other body parts, it can expand and contract. Another poster alluded earlier to transition/preparation time. This segment is often neglected in porn, which is probably where Kobe went wrong.

Relax.

leagleaze

08-07-2003 04:46 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by ThrashersFan
I did not get to eat the cake at my first wedding because I stopped at a bar for shots of Goldschlager (ugh) on the way from the ceremony to the reception and then drank a bottle of tequila with the only person at the reception that I liked (a college friend who also had shown up late to my shower with a gift of crotchless panties and a peek-a-boo bra which almost gave my soon to be mother-in-law (fucking cunt) a heart attack). For my second marriage we went down to the courthouse one day and got married by a judge -- no cake but I had to go back to work anyway. I did not eat cake at my sister's wedding because I was outside getting into a "shoving match that almost turned into a fistfight" with some piece of shit kid who I once babysat for -- luckily I had chosen my own maid of honor dress which permitted such activities. I hate weddings so I normally just send a check.

When I have a wedding, do me a favor, just send a check...thanks.

The rest of you are welcome to attend though.

And sure paigow, we can have a library, as long as you run it.

ThrashersFan

08-07-2003 04:48 PM

Alphabet Soup

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Why is [having your bummy tongued] not uncomfortable?
[Detailed explanation]

I would not ever have been able to innocently explain why I was laughing like that had anyone walked into my office. Thank you for the best laugh I have had all week.

ltl/fb

08-07-2003 04:50 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Like other body parts, it can expand and contract. Another poster alluded earlier to transition/preparation time. This segment is often neglected in porn, which is probably where Kobe went wrong.

Relax.

funny (on the relax).

If there is a lot of preparation (including time) involved in the expansion, how quickly after removal does one return to completely contracted? If eye dilation at the eye doctor is any guide, I would not want my anus gaping that long.

Bad_Rich_Chic

08-07-2003 04:54 PM

How Would Jesus Park?

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I was addressing your joke in conjunction with your earlier PC rant about. I assumed the joke was an extension of your earlier argument.

TM

Can't a girl get off a nice crack at the expense of PCers, anti-PCer straw-men, and Bilmore all at the same time around here anymore?

You never used to take me seriously ... methinks you may need a good taunting.

SlaveNoMore

08-07-2003 05:00 PM

weather vane

Quote:

leagleaze
When I have a wedding...

You moving to Canada soon or you have some political insight we aren't privvy to.

not7yS

ThrashersFan

08-07-2003 05:01 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
funny (on the relax).

If there is a lot of preparation (including time) involved in the expansion, how quickly after removal does one return to completely contracted? If eye dilation at the eye doctor is any guide, I would not want my anus gaping that long.

So would it go something like this?

"Well, I gotta skee-daddle. Yeah, um, I would love to spend the night after that great sex but I can't sleep when I am being watched. Oh, sure, I know that your eyes are closed."

leagleaze

08-07-2003 05:03 PM

weather vane

Quote:

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
You moving to Canada soon or you have some political insight we aren't privvy to.

not7yS

Guess what we still call them weddings. And when I marry I'll be a wife, and she'll be a wife. And we'll be married. It is besides the point whether the state recognizes it.

robustpuppy

08-07-2003 05:03 PM

How Would Jesus Park?

Quote:

Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
nice crack

Intentional?

str8outavannuys

08-07-2003 05:04 PM

Punk'd

Quote:

Originally posted by blueballs
Hey punk from nowhere, when did it stop being funny is the real question? The answer is never! Vive le revoluccion!

I've never understood why people care where other people's coffee (or t-shirt, or CD) buying dollars go: to some local rich guy, or some corporation? You spend your money how you want, let everyone else spend their money however they want. Anything else smacks of paternalism.

str(ok anti-globalization folks, let me have it)8

Puft Daddy

08-07-2003 05:09 PM

I'll be Slot C-ing You

I haven't been paying enough attention to the whole Kobe story, so am I getting this correctly?

Kobe has (allegedly) injured three different women with his massive member. The first two allegedly, if I'm getting the alleged facts straight, took place at his home.

Wife of Kobe has stood by him without a screaming public bitchout, aided no doubt by the $4mill rock.

Is it obvious that Mr. K has the fabled 'open marriage', or has this not been determined? If so, what are the boundaries? Is it that he has to go elsewhere for his Slot C needs?

Clearly I need to watch more tabloid TV.

P (all Slot C all day on the FB. Except for cake.) D

str8outavannuys

08-07-2003 05:10 PM

Laurel Canyon

Quote:

Originally posted by W.W.L.D.
I was this a couple weeks ago, and while Frances McDormand's performance was good, the movie itself was soooo fucking formulaic -- "rich, sheltered girl, exposure to ooooh 'sex, drugs, and rock n roll,' oooooh experimentation and participation, ooooh problems ensue, and some silly family dymanics, and the obligatory women = evil, while men = not quite so evil, blah blah blah and so on."

I spent most of the movie trying to remember in what I had seen the boyfriend b/c his acting was so annoying.

If you're talking about Frances McDormand's young boyfriend, his name is Alessandro Nivola, or 'Sandro, and if you went to Yale you might well know him.

Shape Shifter

08-07-2003 05:11 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Like our President with a log in his eye, I'm stumped.

The pornos I've seen do not wait around long after the act. Busy cleaning up and moving on. Time is money after the money shot.
In my own experience spelunking Slot C, I have not stooped to gawk the gape. I am usually washing my hands so as not to get Santorum on my cigarette. However, the porn cameras seem to rush in quickly, leading me to surmise that it is a fleeting dilation. [edit: the porn that I watch, not that I make]

I have heard anecdotal evidence of homosexual men who are consigned to wearing Depends. I think this is probably the result of tearing due to improper stretching. Just like any athletic activity.

Really. Relax.

str8outavannuys

08-07-2003 05:12 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by NotFromHere
They couldn't have been that close if they ignored your wishes. You're probably better off anyway, those are the kind of people who will bring junior to a movie, and then back to your house to let him "play" with your crystal and spit on your silk pillows. Besides they probably called you a baby hating bitch behind your back.

Str8 - really, can't we come to the festivities?
And bag on the soup. You've already got too much food for most people to eat - people just want alcohol and wedding cake.

The fancy pants hotel where we're having the wedding mandates that we pay for three courses. This is the lightest we could come up with.

str8outavannuys

08-07-2003 05:14 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Speaking of, are there two cakes, a wedding cake and a "red velvet cake" (is that what it was?)?

Is there a need for two cakes at a wedding? Or, for that matter, dessert + wedding cake. I've never really understood why things come out that way so often at weddings. Or do caterers just want to ram the stuff down folks' throats?

I say, damn the cake and get the bar opened back up sooner.

No, no, the wedding cake will be a red velvet cake with a cream cheese frosting (as an homage to the dirty dirty south), and having tasted it, I'm psyched. And the bar will be open the whole time, don't y'all fret. Flash mob. Dana Point's finest. October 11. Be there.

paigowprincess

08-07-2003 05:14 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Like our President with a log in his eye, I'm stumped.

The pornos I've seen do not wait around long after the act. Busy cleaning up and moving on. Time is money after the money shot.
In my own experience spelunking Slot C, I have not stooped to gawk the gape. I am usually washing my hands so as not to get Santorum on my cigarette. However, the porn cameras seem to rush in quickly, leading me to surmise that it is a fleeting dilation.

I have heard anecdotal evidence of homosexual men who are consigned to wearing Depends. I think this is probably the result of tearing due to improper stretching. Just like any athletic activity.

Really. Relax.

Ok, is spelunking fingering, banging or sucking? This is getting way to delphic for me.

Aloha Mr. Learned Hand

08-07-2003 05:16 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by leagleaze
When I have a wedding, do me a favor, just send a check...thanks.

The rest of you are welcome to attend though.

You'll have to excuse her Leagl. To paraphrase Carson from Queer Eye, "When she's not busy driving big rigs, ThrashersFan enjoys..."

robustpuppy

08-07-2003 05:17 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Flash mob. Dana Point's finest. October 11. Be there.

Whoa there. You're getting married on a holiday weekend? I know it's not Labor Day, but still, what a controversial move! Now you've really given us something to talk about!!

str8outavannuys

08-07-2003 05:17 PM

Predictions

Quote:

Originally posted by mmm3587

I thought you meant that Dana would not get a single vote, as in, they would all vote off Jun. They vote for who they want off, right?

Anyway, since you called it perfectly, full props. What's your prediction the new HoH's nominations?

Predictions: Justin nominates Nathan and Jack. Barring veto usage, Nathan leaves.

Other prediction: Alison is cutting off her own head. She'd be way better off sticking by Nathan, Erika and Jack. She's got no shot with the stooges and Jun.

Anne Elk

08-07-2003 05:17 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
The fancy pants hotel where we're having the wedding mandates that we pay for three courses. This is the lightest we could come up with.

Ummm, instead of soup, why not give everyone a doggie bag (although if it is a fancy pants hotel they will use those elegant tin foil swans) containing an extra steak/lobster. Three courses and the party favor!

Seven of Nine

08-07-2003 05:19 PM

Gross Anatomy

In one medical school course I attended, we spent an entire lecture on extracting difficult objects from people's asses. There were all sorts of X-rays of bizarre shit stuffed (and usually stuck) inside of poor bastards' bungholes. Obviously, there were sauseages, bananas and sex toys aplenty. Less common were common household tools like screwdrivers & hammers (handle side facing inward). There was a live, shaved, declawed hamster. I also recall:
A small, square tool box.
Mrs. Butterworth (yes, the whole bottle of syrup).
A light bulb.
An umbrella.
And lots of other various and sundry items.

But my favorite had to be an entire jar of Peanut Butter! I kid you not. Although the X-ray was downright hilarious (and seemingly anatomically impossible) the story was better. If I remember correctly, when the guy was interviewed by the attending physician, he claimed that he was snacking on some peanut butter as he stepped, naked, into the shower. He then finished snacking and put the jar on the floor. Thereafter, he turned around and, slipping on a bar of soap, landed ass-first on the jar which -- POOF -- popped right into his ass! I have never laughed so hard in all my life...

Talk about your gaping holes...

robustpuppy

08-07-2003 05:20 PM

Predictions

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Other prediction: Alison is cutting off her own head.

I have a question: if Alison cuts off her head, when the two new ones grow back in its place, will their eyebrows also be overplucked, or will she have a clean slate to work with?

Shape Shifter

08-07-2003 05:20 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Ok, is spelunking fingering, banging or sucking?

I've always understood spelunking to refer to cavern exploration of any sort.

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess This is getting way to delphic for me.

It's all Greek to me.

ThrashersFan

08-07-2003 05:21 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand
You'll have to excuse her Leagl. To paraphrase Carson from Queer Eye, "When she's not busy driving big rigs, ThrashersFan enjoys..."

Oh if you only knew me. Lotsa powder in a cute little keg (with big TITS). Not a flowery fem but very much girl. Just a hot Irish temper under the surface and an occasional inability to control whose neck my hands go around. ;)

Shape Shifter

08-07-2003 05:24 PM

Alphabet Soup

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Does she have scales on her tongue

Now you're just saying that to turn me on.

robustpuppy

08-07-2003 05:27 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
It's all Greek to me.

Too bad we don't have audio effects, Shecky -- this joke calls for, dare I say it, a rim shot.

Anne Elk

08-07-2003 05:29 PM

Gross Anatomy

Quote:

Originally posted by Seven of Nine

(Various items found in people's bums)

But my favorite had to be an entire jar of Peanut Butter! I kid you not. Although the X-ray was downright hilarious (and seemingly anatomically impossible) the story was better. If I remember correctly, when the guy was interviewed by the attending physician, he claimed that he was snacking on some peanut butter as he stepped, naked, into the shower. He then finished snacking and put the jar on the floor. Thereafter, he turned around and, slipping on a bar of soap, landed ass-first on the jar which -- POOF -- popped right into his ass! I have never laughed so hard in all my life...

Talk about your gaping holes...

Was it smooth or crunchy?

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)

08-07-2003 05:29 PM

Menu Question

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Whoa there. You're getting married on a holiday weekend? I know it's not Labor Day, but still, what a controversial move! Now you've really given us something to talk about!!

Is Columbus day a holiday anywhere west of DC?

idle acts

08-07-2003 05:31 PM

Bennifer and J.Lo

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
I have been told by GFs that spending the night partying with strippers creates a presumption - rebuttable, of course - that you had sex with the stripper(s). I am not sure what the standard of proof is to rebut the presumption, but I have never met it.

Depends how much glitter you are wearing ( and where) upon your return home. Oh, and how much "stripper scented perfume" rubbed off on you. (Why must they all wear that perfume?)

paigowprincess

08-07-2003 05:31 PM

What's missing in this equation

A day of talk of assplay including rimming, yet the King himself isn't in the building.

Shape Shifter

08-07-2003 05:32 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Too bad we don't have audio effects, Shecky -- this joke calls for, dare I say it, a rim shot.

LOL!

(I'm not proud)

mmm3587

08-07-2003 05:34 PM

Gaping Specialists

Quote:

I think that preparation depends on the particular slot, as do gaping and contraction. From my experience (and I appreciate in advance that this is going to elicit small penis cracks from the peanut gallery, and especially you), gaping doesn't happen if you're having normal anal sex, instead of the brutal force and depth you see in a lot of porn. What's more, I don't think everyone gapes, even if done that roughly. I think the women who do it in porn might be, for lack of a better term, gaping specialists.

Most of preparation is lubrication and using not much force or depth in the beginning.

Seven of Nine

08-07-2003 05:36 PM

Gross Anatomy

Quote:

Originally posted by Anne Elk
Was it smooth or crunchy?

Extra crunchy. Definately.
Come to think of it, em's bum looked a little like this:
:eek2:

LessinSF

08-07-2003 05:43 PM

No Slot C Rippage

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
this joke calls for, dare I say it, a rim shot.

Take a seat.

Less (Tooling for anus… THAT'S YOU!
Tooling for anus… HIM TOO!
Tooling for anus… HER TOO!
Tooling for anus… THEM TOO!)inSF