Ewww.
 

So here I am playing ketchup - and now I feel rather ill. Thank you all so much for that.

Today I received an invite to shower #2 for the previously discussed bride-to-be. The Mr. does not understand why this is not OK and why I will not be attending.

-TL

Gaping Specialists
 

Dude, there is funny and then there are thoughts that should never be repeated. Find the line before you embark on that comedy career.

Gaping Specialists
 

Absolutey disgusting. Leagl, though you ignored my request for a greatest hits library (harumph), I will now suggest a board called Junior High Gym Locker Room so us refined folks dont have to see this kind of thing, esp berfore our second vente iced soy latte.

Alphabet Soup
 

this seems like some self esteem issues, and perhaps a subsidiary etiquette question.

First, any girl who drives that strong to the hoop as it were, is not expecting smooth sailing. She is looking for a little something-something in the taste department. so while no women in the past have seen this side of you, or appreciated it, you should have felt comfortable with "you" and what "you" could give her.

the kiss does present a tough etiquette question. after oral, of course it is polite for a man to do a fake lip kiss that slides into a cheek peck. But here, if you're right about the beer shit, her cheeks could be sullied. I think you only proper response is that you didn't ask for this attention, and so a kiss is not in order.

Gaping Specialists
 

Paigow,

The "corn" line is one I used years ago on the old board.

I have no intention of respecting any lines.

S(I'm surprised you didn't flag me for self-plagiarization)D

Gaping Specialists and Fat is the New Black
 

I didn't flag you for anything bc once I saw the word "corn" in the "gaping" thread, I stopped reading. It was disgusting then and is disgusting now, and if you aren't gonna respect the gross out line, then I implore leagl to start a junior high locker room thread.

And in other news, did anyone see the story on Bears in Salon this week? Its all about the gay subculture of men who love men, body hair and non feminized clothes and all. Thank god. Men are about testosterone and hair and beer and fun and sex. If I wanted a feminized man, I'd be a dyke, just as if if I wanted a butch, then why would I be gay? Fuck these metrosexuals and their shaved body parts and fluffy sweaters and manperfume and hybrids and six pack abs. Give me a real man with that sexy manly chest hair who aint gonna be prettier than me (except PLF of course who I will always cherish even as his posting skills rot away like McEnroe's tennis abilities in the nineties).

And I have decided, and been told that I shouldnt brazilian anymore so maybe the gals should bring back some hair too. Not full on discomitt, but aesthetics are just getting downright weird.

Gaping Specialists
 

Oh, gimme a break. What? Should we have 100 more posts about reality TV or Bennifer?

Reality TV is mildly amusing to watch, but about as interesting to discuss as the weather. The only thing more dull than a reality TV discussion is a discussion of people's dreams. The minute someone starts one of those near the water cooler, I just walk away. I don't even explain - I just rudely turn and walk, no matter how far along they are in the story. If they don't realize just how rude it is to discuss something that boring, I've no obligation to extend social niceties.

I'm all for any new thread, so long as its not about something as mindless and unfunny as what happened on television last nite.

S(at least gross is interesting)D

Blackberry
 

Perhaps the most annoying type of partner call of alltime. I usually respond with a direct-to-VM reply, saying something along the lines of "got your message . . . . what's the issue?" Rare is the partner who sees the red VM light and says "why didn't I hear it ring"

Gaping Specialists
 

Dude, if I can handle threads on wedding cakes, menus, boring ass bike races and hockey, then you can manage reality tv which is not discussed nearly as much, and the schadenfreude for Bennifer (that is really the topic, no?). You are bored, I am nauseated. Boredom doesnt warrant a new thread but nausea does. Otherwise I will hurl chai latte all over the keyboard and the perfumed IT guy doesnt want to clean that up.

Alphabet Soup
 

Self esteem issues? My God, who is not self-concious about what their red-eye looks like up close? Hell, who the hell even knows...
So yes, I'm anally self-conscious.

Are you really insinuating that a chick who gives a rimmer digs the flavor/aroma/texture, etc...? I've been known to make arguments that test the envelope, but I'd never try to float that theory. I highly doubt the chick who gave me the rimmer was a "scat" fetishist. Twisted blathering coke casualty, yes. Scat fanatic, uh... no.

The refusal to kiss her was not about etiquette, it was about hygiene! Even if I had a Craftmatic Bed which allowed me to do so, I'd never give myself a rimmer. I'm certainly not going to kiss a chick where I'd effectively be giving myself a constructive rimmer. I've accidentally "snowballed" myself in the past and that taste is bad enough...

S(... she's lucky I shook her hand when she left)D

Alphabet Soup
 

Since I am not a bi (yet), I have to ask. Which is worse, the snowball or the juice from a girl?

Blackberry
 

These calls suck. One of the many perks of being a client now is that when some self-important asscheese partner leaves me a message like that I normally respond with an e-mail along the lines of "Got your voicemail. I am a bit tied up right now and would appreciate it if you could respond to this e-mail with the details so that I can noodle it while I take care of these other matters and then I can get back to you on it" you fucking weinie. With many of these partners you have to get in early and establish that you will not tolerate em treating you like one of em's associates. I spent a very brief time at a firm between GC gigs and I never quite got accustomed to being treated that way and the self importance of some partners still boggles my mind. Fuckers.

Gaping Specialists
 

Oh, hey, I'm with ya on some of that. The wedding cake thread was a new low.

Boredom does warrant a new thread. Boredom is worse than nausea.

Chai latte? You gotta give that shit up. I have 20 oz coffees with soy creamer. Wires you muuuuuuuuuch better.

Alphabet Soup
 

Oh, hell... the snowball is miles worse... tastes salty and smells foul. Chick juice is subtle and hardly noticeable if the girl is vigilante about her hygiene.

For this reason alone, you should hook up with chicks.

Gaping Specialists
 

If boredome and grossouts both warrant a new thread, we will have a board on the merits of Blackberrys and the proper etiquette for thme, red velvet wedding cakes, wehther Lance Armstrong is indeed a prick. and the ultimate nadir, mushroom or tomato soup, as well as a thread for corn. What will be left here? Pictures of Halle Berry and random insults of bilmore and Purse Junkioe?

Alphabet Soup
 

Which brings me around to the question of why do guys think that any girl in her right mind would want anything other than a friendly "I am gonna cum and you probably don't want this foul mess in your mouth" tap on the back of the head. Just take one hand off of the steering wheel and let me know you bastard. When I met my husband I told him that I uncontrollably clench my teeth if foul salty liquids are detected in my mouth and he has yet to miss a tap-out.

Gaping Specialists
 

Exactly, which is why we have to err on the side of admitting everything but hate speech.

What's really shocking is that left to their own devices, in a forum without censorship, some people will discuss the most banal topics. Its not like we have to constantly titillate the hell out of one another, but what the fuck? In an anon free flowing forum such as this, why not let your freak flag fly???

S(just an observation...)D

Alphabet Soup
 

Guys want the girl to swallow for the same reason they want to cum inside girls - it feels better. You're getting into primordial shit here. I think we males are hard-wired to get more pleasure from having something grasping onto our member while we ejaculate. We can feel the pulses from a chick who's cumming and feel her tighten and this feels damn good, and that's why simultaneous climax is so fucking great. In that same vein, it feels miles better to cum into a girl's mouth than pull out and shoot into the wind.

I'll anticipate a possible rebuttal here - "But, then why do guys in porn always pull out and jerk off?" Because otherwise the customer doesn't get to see the money shot. Like Ray Davies sang, "Give the people what they want." Pulling out for the porn shot is terribly physically unsatisfying, and I think its because our nerves are wired to make the orgasm better when we stay "inside." Its nature trying to ensure preganacy... damn nature.

Gaping Specialists
 

Good point, but there's still no need to discuss corn (we call it maize). And since we are anon (except to the IT people), why not go ahead and attribute the experiences of your friends to yourself?

Gaping Specialists
 

bc this place aint anonymous. case in point, if and when we ever meet for drinks, I dont want to have corn images in my head. Flies fucking, onthe other hand, is ok.

Gaping Specialists
 

I with ya here SD. The thread WAS disgusting, but at times it was hilarious...and it produced some great one-liners...

Alphabet Soup
 

So this means you're against the mushroom asparagus soup?

Gaping Specialists
 

It's a Simpsons joke/line. Some people got it.

Alphabet Soup
 

And you thought the corn discussion was gross? Hypocrite.:D

Gaping Specialists
 

I dont watch the Simpsons. Is this a joke spooking on my not watching the Simpsons or are you actually stooping to Burger level with derivative humor? I of course would never do this. Ludricrous.

Alphabet Soup
 

I'm making 2 assumptions here;

one you did kiss her before the act, and 2 she'd done this before.
if so her mouth and lips had a higher degree of fecal bacteria at the pre-act kissing then is normal. most food has some such matter, but in miniscule amounts. It's a safe bet your friend, however well brushed her teeth and tongue may have been, was sporting a higher percentage of bacteria then your average girl. your refusal to kiss her later was only saving you a matter of degree. for sure I'm not saying you should have kissed her, just don't be smug that you dodged a bullet by skipping the post-act kissing is all.

Gaping Specialists
 

You can't lie about shit here because that's breaking an unwritten rule. Sure, people and can and do exaggerate or twist things from time to time, but an out and out fabrication would be an abuse of privilege. Plus, its pretty low to lie to people to make yourself interesting, anon forum or not. Most folks have enough interesting shit that they don't need to fabricate.

A Post For SD
 

Since you brought it up, did anyone watch Amazing Race last night?

s
p
o
i
l
e
r
s







I haven't watched since the first or second week but I tuned in last night. I obviously missed whatever made Chip/Reichen hate John/his fiancee (shit I forgot her name already), but I have to say that Chip was obnoxious to John last night. Maybe it was warranted by past behavior, but it just seemed mean. As a result, I was sad that the clowns didn't make it in time. They seemed like good guys. And wouldn't you assume as a contestant if you saw others running on foot that you should reread the clue to see if that is the only permitted mode of transportation? Have the Harvard chicks taught other contestants nothing?!

Alas that shark cage thing ensured that my SO and I will not be participating in future shows.

Gaping Specialists
 

I know you don't like/watch the Simpsons. The joke had nothing to do with your relationship with the show. It's the equivalent of you making a reality TV joke -- I wouldn't get it b/c I don't watch (except for QEFSD).

I'd rather watch Seinfeld reruns.

Gaping Specialists
 

You're so cute when you respond earnestly to a wisecrack.

Slot C Redux
 

Elegant and delicious.

Goddam Brazilians and their goddamned jiu jitsu.

Unbelievable
 

Do people actually have "Farrah Fawcett" collections?

Would somebody actually purchase this P.O.S. for more than $.08? Truly amazing. No wonder eBay has made such a killing.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...tem=2186388379

Unbelievable
 

Well it has received 0 bids so far, so maybe the seller is the only one with a Farrah Fawcett collection. Just goes to show that in certain cases there is a time limit on holding onto crap waiting for it to appreciate in value. The seller probably should have sold when she appeared in Playboy a couple of years ago...

Try This . . .
 

If we are finished with sucking each other's dicks and asses and telling each other how cool we are . . . .

this is great site for conference calls or when you just want to waste some time
http://www.superbad.com/

Just keep clicking. And the site changes almost every day.

Unbelievable
 

That is nothing. Check out this lawn ornament .

Unbelievable
 

Given ebay has been around for a few years now, hasn't all the crap in the world finally been purchased by the person who values it the most?

FRIDAY POLL
 

I could NOT sleep last night. No reason why. Just couldn't fall asleep. This never happens to me. I always fall asleep right away.

But after like 6 hours, I started wondering what the world record is for consecutive hours spent without sleeping (and I could only find a record for consecutive hours spent on the air of a radio station -- I think the record stands at 103 hours, 22 minutes).

At hour 7, I thought of this poll.

If you could break any record (formal or informal) in the world, which one would you break?

I'd like to break the "Most money earned in one day" record, which would be immediately followed by an attempt at the "Most consecutive days in a threesome with two hot models" record.

Here are some suggestions, if you can't come up with your own:

http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/...b_main_pic.jpg
[Most clothespins clipped to face -- 133]

Most Cockroaches Eaten
Ken Edwards of Glossop, Derbyshire, England ate 36 cockroaches in one minute on the set of The Big Breakfast, London, England on 5 March 2001.

Most Items Regurgitated
In November 1998, on the set of Guinness World Records: Primetime, Stevie Starr of Glasgow, Scotland, earned the moniker The Human Regurgitator when he swallowed then regurgitated a billiard ball, a bumble bee, and a black and white goldfish, which he brought up in an order specified by an audience member. He then swallowed a ring, a padlock and a key, and brought up the ring locked inside the padlock!

Longest Ear Hair
Radhakant Bajpai of Naya Ganj, Uttar Pradesh, India, has hair sprouting from the centre of his outer ears (middle of the pinna) that measures an incredible 13.2 cm (5.19 in) at its longest point.

Most Scorpions Eaten
The most live scorpions eaten by a human being is approximately 35,000. Each day, the field worker, Rene Alvarenga (a.k.a. el comealacrances - “scorpion eater”), from Intipuka, El Salvador, catches 20-30 of the creatures and eats them.

Slingshot Ears
The farthest an American dime has been propeled by the ear lobe is 3 m 30.6 cm (10 ft 10.5 in), by Monte Pierce, of Bowling Green, Kentucky, USA.

Strangest Diet
Michel Lotito (aka Henri Mangetout) from Grenoble, France, has been eating metal and glass since 1959. Gastroenterologists have described his ability to consume 900 g (2 lb) of metal per day as "unique". Mangetout - Michel's nickname - literally translates as "eats everything". Michel says bananas and hard-boiled eggs make him sick.

Longest Tongue
British chauffeur Stephen Taylor has a tongue that measures a gob-smacking 9.4 cm (3.7 in) from the tip to the center of his closed top lip.

Farthest Spaghetti Nasal Ejection
Kevin Cole of Carlsbad, New Mexico, USA, holds the record for the longest spaghetti strand blown out of a nostril in a single blow. On December 16, 1998, Kevin successfully achieved a record distance of 19 cm (7.5 in).

Fastest Six Digit Square Root Calculation
M Hari Prasad correctly calculated the square root of a six digit number in 1 minute 3.8 seconds at the Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore, India, on October 30, 1999. Without the use of a calculator or computer he worked out the square root of 732,915 as 856.1045496. He also made two other successful mathematical attempts - most calender dates calculated in a minute and the fastest time to multiply two eight digit numbers.

Fastest Yard Of Ale
Peter Dowdeswell of Earls Barton, Northants, England, drank a yard of ale containing 1.42 liters (2 pints) in 5 sec. at RAF Upper Heyford, Oxon on May 4, 1975.

TM

Unbelievable
 

Looks like they're out of ghosts in jars.

Unbelievable
 

I hope not. After I complete my September 5 portfolio, my digital camera and I are going to clean out my basement. Those Smurfs had better be ready to make love to the camera, 'cause mama wants her student loans to go away, and she had to stop working at the Royal Palace when people from her day job started showing up ("I thought it was a Chinese Restaurant!").

FRIDAY POLL
 

He's eaten a bicycle and a small airplane, piece by piece...