Translation: "I had a very painful left toe a few weeks ago, and was convinced I had the gout. What disturbed me the most about this was that the name of the malady is so unmelodious. It sounds disgusting, even though it's not really all that disgusting (compared to other diseases, that is...)

Turns out, I don't have the gout (my doctor said if I really had the gout, I wouldn't be able to wear my shoes because it woud be so painful.) The pain has gone away now, so whatever it was, I don't have it anymore."

Clearly you don't have it because you say it wrong.

TM

Edited to say, screw you RP.

Alphabet Soup
 

Okay, I have fewer than three cats -- but that is a lie.

Lying to you would cause me severe emotional distress so I must admit that I have six little kitties. And a doggie. And fish.

Update on the chick with the mustache
 

Not if they are Italian.

JRUSS.

I feel so close to you right now.

aloha patentgreedy
 

are you over the fact that I wouldnt be engaged to you?

Alphabet Soup
 

I will be a little concerned about you TF if the kitty numbers start to creep up--then it would seem like future "little old lady in a malodorous house with 67 cats" syndrome. But it is very cool that you have a dog.

aloha patentgreedy
 

Pardon moi?

JRUSS (and proud of it)

How Would Jesus Park?
 

Ah, I was just concerned you attributed only the anti-PC sentiments to me, rather than crediting me with the anti-PC, anti-anti-PC and "Bilmore is a dead white male" sentiments all at the same time. It is absolutely vital to my self-image to be thought subtle and complicated.

And I'm always full of shit. Ain't we a pair.

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

I will be attending a wedding on the Cape this summer and would like your opinions on what to wear. This is my first Cape wedding. The ceremony is at 4:30 (in a church) and the reception is indoors. The groom and his attendants will wear khaki trousers and blue blazers. The invitation is silent as to attire.

Should I wear a suit or a blazer like the groom/attendants? If a suit, dark wool, tan cotton, etc? My fiancee asked the bride and she said, "Think summer on the Cape."

Please help!

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

Where whatever Ted Kennedy wears., Summer on the cape is meadningless. The Cape has the denizens of Ptown, Massholes and a mishmash of other people. Given the attire of the groom, I think anything you would wear on a golf course would suffice.

I have new england cred so go with what I am saying and lets not get into a daylong wedding thread.

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

Will there be cake?

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

Don't wear a suit. You shouldn't be more dressed up than the groom/attendants.

Khakis are appropriate, though find out what color the guys' are (more tan? more stone? more green?) and choose something different. Linen would work but be careful as to style as you don't want to look too Hamptons--this is Massachusetts after all. For shirt--a summery, pale sorbet color like peach or pale yellow. Otherwise you will look too business casual, not festive. You can do a summery tie instead if you are really too uncomfortable wearing color for your shirt.

I also love seersucker though it may be seen as a bit old-fashioned by some--not a problem on the Cape generally.

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

Oh crap, can we please ban golfwear anywhere off the course?

Far more restrained than it was, but just tiresome--it's all any guy feels safely manly wearing up here besides a suit.

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

I love Seersucker but dont wear it as things are indoors. as for the color of the khakis, they are khaki. PJ is being rediculously anal here. ditto the linen. if you want to go festive, wear a Hawaiian shirt. Otherwise, it is golf clothes.

aloha patentgreedy
 

Im not getting this darlin. of course all of your socks are unfunny, but why change the name on this one. but I guess it doesnt' mastter as only a mindless chimpanzee would be unable to translate your traditionnally unfunny, tritely unoriginal, unintelligently assclownish posting style. Its like the stink on shit, impossible to miss. I may have to go to the trouble of fu landing you.

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

Size 60 Big Boy Depends?

E! True Hollywood Story: Jenna
 

Caught part of it between SATC and the Denis Leary roast. I though she looked kind of scary. The basis of her appeal in the past is that she used to be so damned cute. And her little yelpy sound. In my opinion, she's been phoning it in for some time, to the extent that is possible in porn. I think her talk about bisexuality was in reference to her former relationship with Nikki Tyler, another "superstar." They toured together a couple of years ago, and when they appeared on Howard Stern they announced that they were living together as a couple. Having seen them perform together (on dvd, not live), the only chemistry I noticed between them was the lube, so their relationship may have been a publicity stunt (unlike Ben & JLo, which is the real thing and will last forever). Anyway, I'm sure she still does girl-on-girl, but only if its plot-driven.

The Leary roast, while funny in spots (special props to Nick DePaulo), was lacking. It felt anticlimactic. Why was this not a Friar's Club roast? It needed some Friars.

aloha patentgreedy
 

(a) who the hell are you?
(b) why do I care what you think?

JRUSS

aloha patentgreedy
 

a) an old friend JSHUN.

b) because your status as a friendlessly pathetic loser ensures that you are still obsessed with things you cant have and my brazillian remains one of those things.

E! True Hollywood Story: Jenna
 

Agreed. I don't need to hear another "What a sell-out for doing that Quaker State ad" joke in this lifetime. I've had my fill.

The funniest thing on TV last night was the Sealab 2021 episode "I, Robot." Thank god somebody transcribed the episode and put it on the web. (Whatever did we do before 1994)?

http://rtf.kracked.com/sealab03.html

E! True Hollywood Story: Jenna
 

ACtually the funniest ting I saw on tv was Reno 911. Anyone else see this? Sort of the Office meets Cops (though I have never seen cops). Leary roast was a huge disappointment. I had no idea that the gay wedding planner from SATC had a career outside of that show. And speaking of SATC , it was LOL funny last night.

In other news, since I need to keep my posts tight so as not to be tghe third lamest poster (anyone else in my ballpark?), I saw this piece which I think directly corellates to why Running Is Bad For You and Your Joints and Muscles.

From Jon WErthiem of SI.com

"Navratilova added: "The kids play too much on hard courts at an early age and their joints suffer.

"When the joints get messed up, the muscles follow. Most tennis injuries are related to joints because of the hard pounding. Tennis is a very hard sport on your body."

Pounding on hardness (here is the softball- no pun). Much like running on anything but softness.

E! True Hollywood Story: Jenna
 

that counts as 2 posts. you are now at 940.

E! True Hollywood Story: Jenna
 

I couldn't watch more than 15 minutes and I wanted to like it.

Only 10 Years Behind The Times
 

Nudist Camp Fantasy Squelcher
 

"Here I can read. I can talk. I can sleep or just sit in the sun," all without clothes, she said. "And no one ever says, 'Boy, you are really fat!'"

That is reason why I would be kicked out, fatty.

(required link)

I do not have the stomach to enlarge the picture (featuring Thomas "Van Wyck").

Spray on tan
 

I have never been to a tanning salon in my life, but am accepting that I will have to go to one soon, because I would really prefer to not be all pasty in my bridal portrait and wedding pics. I was wondering if any of you had any experience with the spray on tan? Which would be best if I am just hoping to score a quick tan for the event? I would prefer to not risk premature aging that comes with the uv exposure, but would do it if the spray on stuff resulted in orange knees and elbows.

Spray on tan
 

THis was discussed to death not long ago so you can search for it.

but if the real reason you are posting is to mentione your wedding, then congrats.

aloha patentgreedy
 

Spray on tan
 

I thought it had been discussed, but I am seriously search challenged on this site. Even after the tip to show results as posts and not threads, I can't figure it out.

And thanks (details thrown in to show the context of the tanning needs, no long- term tan required, but images will be recorded for posterity)

Nudist Camp Fantasy Squelcher
 

"Some members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for example, belong to the LDS Skinny-Dipper Connection, www.ldssdc.info..."

I always knew Mormonism dangled precipitously on the edge of becoming a cult.

Spray on tan
 

Most search problems can be fixed by selecting "show results as posts," but you may also run into trouble by virtue of the fact that "tan" is only letters long, and the minimum length of a word in the search phrase is four letters.

I ran into this problem yesterday. This is a customizable option. Leags and others, can it be set at three instead?

Thanks!

Spray on tan
 

Self tanners that you do at home can be pretty good. An option that you might like tho (less risk of bad results) is to go to a tanning shop and pay for a few (or maybe one will do, never done it myself) sessions in the fake tan room where you stand up and a fine mist of self tanner is applied to your entire body. I think all the tanning places have this service now and it should help you avoid possible streaks, etc.

If you are looking for face stuff in particular, I think that neutrogena's facial tanner is good - subtle and non-streaking.

And congrats.

Spray on tan
 

The current SO is similar to you, skin-wise. She gets a sunburn if she even thinks about going out in the sun. Try the Car-wash tan. She had success with it. It looks really good now, the first time, not so much. The key is to exfoliate before you do it, otherwise it will be streaky. Also, the mist only lasts a minute so you have to do the weird contortions/calisthenics that they recommend in the instructional/warm-up video to get it all over. If you don't tan, the tanning beds won't help. I can't testify as to the efficacy of the self-applied tan, but if you want to try it, I can rub it on you and take before/after shots for FB Breasticle III (the Lord of the Nipple Rings), or FB Breasticle Day III (the Two Towers, in 3-D). Since you are getting married, I promise to make any groping appear to be accidental, and keep my "oh-baby"s inside my head.

Spray on tan
 

BTW, one helpful hint I still recall from Hollywood Wives by Jackie Collins, which I read proably in 8th grade in the quest for sex scenes, was that tans never come out nicely on film. SEC Chick might be better off having some nice makeup done. Not that I have any idea what she looks like.

Spray on tan
 

That's a better description of what I was asking about. I have no intention of doing anything myself at home. I suppose another option is to cough up the bucks and go to a spa that will apply a couple of coats of self tanner (two appointments over two days).

Cape Cod Wedding Fashion
 

While I don't disagree in principle (that everyone at any event should be dressed with the same level of formality, which for men means they should be dressed more or less the same), I ask a typically anal question:

What sort of invitation was it? If it was a formal 3rd-person invitation (as if anyone sends anything else anymore) and it did not specify dress, I would wear a light summer suit regardless of what anyone else is wearing, because it is the right thing to do. Even if you forego a suit I would still wear a jacket and tie; it is in church after all.

"Think summer in the Cape"? WTF is that supposed to tell you? That you have been officially authorized to wear your swimming trunks?

More interesting question: what shoes? Brogues or bucks?

Spray on tan
 

The woman who is doing my makeup also does some airbrush kind of stuff that she sprays on. It is more expensive but is supposed to be really good. It sounds weird to me though.


And I finally figured out the search thing. I am we todd did.

Spray on tan
 

Exfoliation advice. Jesus. I expected better. Except for the part about expecting better. Because that part was not true.

But if the real reason you are posting is to mention that you have a current SO, then congrats.

Spray on tan
 

Actually, we broke up on Saturday, but thank you for the congratulations. I think having an insesnitive person rubbing salt into a wound is good as a sympathy ploy for me. I have a feeling that in no time the ladyeez will be all up ons.

Spray on tan
 

Nicely played. You are so getting laid tonight.