Didn't anybody notice "Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter"
 

I like to think that my criticism inspired you to come up with your LOL subject line, which I did not even notice until after I read "watersports" and had the same thought.

Edited to add: Shape Shifter noticed.

Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter
 

I wonder if any applicants think the urine test is just for drugs.

Starting a new sock parade
 

Yes, they should be. His neglectful dad apparently didn't introduce him to trojan man. Or bought him the expired ones when he did. And he doesn't have the catholic excuse.

Fried Phish
 

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but this story definitely proves a few things, namely:

1) Not only does the music of Phish suck, but their bass player is a pederast;
2) Choose your victims wisely; and
3) I'm guessing the Angels can stop selling crank out of 3rd Street since their operations for the next 10 years will be paid out of the profits generated by legions of granola concert goers.

not7yS

-------

A Phish on the Hook

Band's Bassist Gordon Accused Of Child Endangerment

NEW YORK -- A Phish is on the hook for endangering the welfare of a minor after he allegedly tried to take pictures of a young girl inside a deserted boathouse.

But following private conversations between the band's manager and the child's parents, there's a question about whether the band's bassist, Mike Gordon, will avoid facing that charge.

Gordon, 38, was arrested after being found late at night in a secluded area with a 9-year-old girl. The girl's parents raised an alarm when she disappeared from a backstage area at Jones Beach Theater. New York State Park Police say Gordon showed a different side after a concert last week by The Dead.

Investigators say Gordon -- who calls himself "Cactus" -- was an invited guest backstage at Jones Beach. He was not invited, they say, to take a 9-year-old girl to an isolated location behind the theater. "The area is actually like a work area for state employees who operate boats out of that area," said Maj. Richard O'Donnell, of the New York State Park Police. "It's a darkened area, not intended for public access." O'Donnell, who is the region's commanding officer, would not discuss what the bass player told officers when he was found with the child on a dock. But a police report obtained by NewsChannel 4 reveals "The defendant stated he wanted to take 'art photos' of the victim." Police confirm that Gordon has never been convicted of any crime. Law enforcement sources said that after the band member was arrested, he told officers, "I may have shown bad judgment, but I am not a pedophile."

The Law enforcement sources identify the girl's father as a leader of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club, whom they say had also been invited backstage to watch The Dead concert. Gordon was held for police by theater security "and the victim's father's associates -- which the police report decribes as other Hell's Angels members. When responding to a request for an interview, Phish's manager e-mailed a joint statement from Gordon and the child's parents that reads: "It is now clear to all involved that this was an unfortunate misunderstanding, and we look forward to putting this matter behind us." Later, in a conference call, the manager said Gordon's trying to "make amends" with the family. The girl's father added that "muckraking journalists should put the story to rest." Both declined to discuss whether the musician is paying compensation.

When asked by NewsChannel 4 if there was any reasonable explanation for Gordon to have been with the girl at 1:00 AM in a secluded boat house, Maj. O'Donnell of the State Park Police said "I have no explanation for it." The commander says he "absolutely" stands by the police investigation and has referred the bass player's boathouse rendezvous case to the Nassau County district attorney for prosecution. The DA's office says the evidence is being evaluated.

Regardless of whether Gordon has to face a judge next month, law-enforcement sources say unofficial justice was already delivered. The Hell's Angels, who detained Gordon for police, were not, the sources say, gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star's body.

Starting a new sock parade
 

But if a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate!

Starting a new sock parade
 

what about the 249,999,999 that lost the swimming race?

QE
 

That was an LOL moment. So was the one about the vagina leaving the room. Good times, good times.

Jai is a chameleon. He seems to be able to connect with the SG the best of all of them, but he does so by feigning a genuine interest in their deal. I also like the way he said "Mommy mommy" when they were talking about the GF's boobies. It made me think we could hang out together and have something to discuss.

The SG, by the way, only made it halfway to being the Vin Diesel they were making him into. There's no fucking way he was ever going to touch Kyan's six-stage facial cleansing regime after the taping.

As for the GF, oh my God she was so hot.* Why couldn't she have been Thurgreed's friend? I'd be on a plane to Staten Island right now so my boy TM could hook me up.

*Don't bother; none of these are links.

Starting a new sock parade
 

That raises a profound theological question. Atticus?

2002 Playboy Party School Rankings
 

Rollins is No. 3? I had to Google this school to even learn it was in Central Florida and that its most famous alum is Mr. Rogers. Is this Playboy's idea of a joke or should I be planning a trip to Winter Park, FL?

Fried Phish
 

Pedophile, not pederast. Pederasty is just with little boys, TAWWT.

Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter
 

I just did a google and saw the news feed from the local boston station. The family is very white trash, and so are the suitors. I counted at least 3 motorcycles in that driveway. But the daughter is shagadelic. Cute thin brunette who would clean up nicely and make someone a nice piece of arm candy if she never mentions anything about her background, previous breeding habits or anything else. They got some factory workers and a military guy, but no doctors or lawyers for suitors--is anyone surprised?

Some of the questions were the type that only a loser family would ask "what would you do if my daughter borrowed your new car to buy cigarettes and wrecked your car?" "would you help raise the (illigitimate) children?" With a mom and dad like that no wonder she grew up to date guys with tatoos and other sundry undesirables.

Perfect sideburns
 

I couldn't figure out who to address this to, but it seems like there are so many of you out there who would like to have perfect sideburns and perfect bangs. They look like torture devices, but click to see the assorted Perfect Sideburns.

metrosexuals need not apply

Reality Wank-a-thon
 

Spoilers, possibly, but you should know that by now:





For Love or Money - I'm bored.

QE - I'm bored.

BB4 - I'm bored.

Paradise Hotel - Still odly fascinated, but I should be bored.

Cupid - I have joined America in messing with these morons who decided to GET FUCKING MARRIED BY FUCKING AMERICA. Thus, I voted for Robert 10 times last night. You ask the people that watch Jerry Springer to choose your husband, you get what you asked for. Unlike American Idol and music, people don't get emotionally involved with rooting for their favorite man for a woman they don't know (and who has been shown in a boring manner).

This show encapsulates why reality TV is trending down - no one cares about most of it. We are bored with it. Twenty-Four reality shows this summer. Someone opens a restaurant. Whoop. Someone does a show about themselves doing a show. Whoop. Someone marries Lisa, Erin, Gary Coleman, someone's dad, meets their folks, or goes on yet another staged date. Whoop. Worst of all, it appears that the best show of the all - the Amazing Race - will not be renewed due to low ratings.

So join me in fucking with Lisa - vote Robert.

Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter
 

Any chance you could post a link for the google impaired?

Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter
 

Mom seeks man to pee on her daughter
 

Yours.

FLo$
 

Since Less mentioned it, is anyone still watching besides me? Rob managed to change his inflection a couple of times on this week's show, which was impressive. I can't believe he is back there trying to "win Erin back" - newsflash, Rob, you never had her!

I agree with Less that it is pretty lame at this point, and yet I can't turn away. Too much time invested now not to see it through.

Minnesota; Cupid
 

Don't be such a hater. Who are you to talk smack about the Center of the Universe (aka Minnesota)?

Besides, deep-fried twinkies are so 2002. The State Fair starts this week and the newest fried food is the deep fried oreo. The newest foods on a stick are salmon on a stick and key lime pie dipped in chocolate on a stick. And there is an event for those who like to combine their eating with running: the Iron Gut Fair Food Adventure Race.

http://www.startribune.com/stories/611/4052299.html

P.S. Paigow, you'd have troublew finding a house for under $100K these days. Even townhouses in unfashionable areas (i.e. Anoka or Coon Rapids) are well above that level.


Cupid Thoughts

How naive are Lisa and her friends to not realize that lots of people might vote for entertainment rather than finding her the best husband? They have to brace themselves for having Robert around for a long time though Kimberly seems to understand that she should mention someone other than him to be voted out.

I never understood why Lisa had such a connection with Paul the playwrite. I thought he was creepy. Oh well, if she thinks he was the right guy for her, she can always date him after the show. She'd give up the $1MM dowry but what the hey -- she'd find out if he wanted her or the publicity and the money.

I like Joe better every week. He is such a nice guy. But I bet Lisa thinks she is too good looking for him. You GA women in the Chi-town area ought to look him up.

The dates on this episode were boring. If Lisa really wanted to find true love, she should be on the producers to give her more time with the guys. It looked like all the dates were in one day and lasted about a 1/2 hour.

Fried Phish
 

From a phish fan site:

----------
my sources...my good friend of 7 years...my friends uncle (head of mounted police) & jones beach security guard...friend of friend...

mike was giving everyone under the sun (from adults to kids) rides on his IT segway...silly lil scooter...the mother of the 9 yr old allowed this to happen...this "Secluded Boathouse", is neither secluded or a boathouse..there was two normal jones beach secuirty guards there...in case people wanna sneak into the show...(secret entrance)... mike was just taking pictures of the girl on his segway...not good judement , but nothing to get crazy about... ...after ten minutes the girls mother starts freakin out..."were's my daughter"...(mind you the mother was induced with something, eyes bulging, lip biting..typical white trash mom)...mother calls her husband, a hells angel...ten minutes later there are 5 angels making there way through security...mike is confronted...grabbed by the thoat and on his knees getting kicked at...the VIP security guards got in the middle and explained that mike was a celeb, and was a film maker...the funniest part is this...the angels wanted to break his segway, so the one secuirty guard put it in his car and its been sitting in wantagh for the last week and a half...after all of this the daughter explained nothing happended and that was that...long story short...bad judgement, unlucky for mike the girls dad was a druggy/hells angel, a quick rush to judgement, few kicks to the nizzuts,,,,"my bad"...move on...

http://www.phantasytour.com/phish/bo...=186171&page=1

If true, that phuckin' sux.

Spy Kids 3D Game Over (Please!! Let it be over.)
 

Hey -- I'm "pulling a Wonk" (please don't read any perverted meaning into this...) on a Wonk Post!! Isn't that kind of like a free riiiiiiide when you've already paid?

Anyway -- could not agree more. What a pathetic movie. However, during one lame-o scene (which, I realize, doesn't really whittle it down much) my five-year-old turned to his friend (another 5-y-o) and said, "Hey, isn't this movie coooooool?" (which comment was met with hearty agreement from the other 5-y-o). That's the only thing that allowed me to sit through it until the end (that, and that is was pretty short -- was it even 90 minutes?)

Antonio Banderas is in it for, like, 2 minutes. I can just imagine the conversation between him and R. Rodriguez: "Bobby, you're my friend and all, but, really, I think you've cashed in all your chits with me now... Please. No more SpyKids Movies!" (I imagine a similar conversation between him and Selma Hayek.)


The only funny line was uttered by DebtSlave's laminated-list-topper, the one and only Ricardo Montalban. I can't believe this is necessary, but I will include spoiler space...




[Here it is]








As RM is being wheeled through a crowd in his wheelchair, he says, "Don't touch -- this is Corinthian leather!"

FLo$
 

Yes, unfortunately.

spoiler (if there's anyone else watching)




at least Eric is gone. He seemed the most slimy. at least until rob returned. and how did he, of all people, not know the color of her eyes?

These guys have no charisma. they're so bland. and we know she's in it for the money. at least the bachelor provides the illusion that someone actually is a) interesting adn b) in love.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Not to mention pierced ears.

For the record, chicks with tats may of course wear white, so long as it is their first wedding. Anyone getting married for the first time may wear white, and honi soit qui mal y pense. Even a white dress at a second wedding is only somewhat iffy since Miss Manners overthrew the old 2nd wedding rules in the '70s (and recycled them for divorces), so long as "wearing white" doesn't mean coming down the aisle on the arm of some random relative purporting to "give you away" while swathed in trains and veiling and orange blossoms and the other sadly typical "wedding" frou frou.

As a wise man once said, a chick with the tat on her tit will probably suck your dick, but I think she's more of a ho-bag for wearing a dress that doesn't cover her shoulders to an ostensibly religious ceremony.

However, I challenge anyone who has ever said "all brides are beautiful as a matter of definition, not aesthetics" to keep a straight face while repeating that phrase at that mugshot.

Spy Kids 3D Game Over (Please!! Let it be over.)
 

That's pretty good, if only because it gives the adults one thing to remember from teh movie. I assume no one under the age of 25 would get that joke.

But did it come with a crystal key?

FLo$; BB4
 

Me too. The unctuous Minnesota guy finally got the boot and I had to stay tuned until he left but now I have to see it through until the painful end.

At least she's got the realistic attitude toward these reality dating shows -- the odds are that it won't last beyond the final episode so go for the money.

It looks like there will be a new Joe Millionaire show on this fall. How are they going to pull that off again -- find women more clueless than the last ones?

BB4:

I really wonder why I watch this one. It is such a yawn. I need a 12 step program to help me stop watching the boring reality shows. But Erica and Jack are lucky Jee wants to play the game without breaking his word. If he used the veto on Justin, they could have kept the Stooges together.

FLo$
 

There are 2 Dallas guys on the show (Wade and Rob) and Wade is a regular on one of the morning shows. I guess Rob was giving out press that him and Wade were buds, and Wade went on the radio show and basically said not true. Poor Rob can't find anyone to love him. Maybe he should hook back up with Paige before she leaves the Metroplex for LA?

I like Chad the best. He is the only one of all these goobers that I would even consider dating. But he needs some help from Kyan with that awful gelled hair look.

Starting a new sock parade
 

They are recycled and sent here:

http://mannotincluded.com/

(spree: online sperm bank that caters to lesbians)

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

I wish more second-time brides would realize that their public stock goes way up when they don't permit bridal showers and hold quiet ceremonies and wear nice, tea-length non-white dresses. As it is, widows dishonor their first marriages by acting as if they'd never occurred and life handed them a do-over, and divorcées processing down the aisle spark fleeting uncharitable thoughts that they should properly be given away by their exes.

Have I told you lately that I HEART you?

Sidney Poitier's son dead
 

Well, not really his son --

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...tonobit20.html

[spree - obit of the man who inspired Six Degrees of Separation]

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Can I wear a shoulder-bareing (?) dress if I get married by a judge? What about a Unitarian?

Not that I'm planning on getting married any time soon, but I kind of like that look. It may be a moot point since I'm most likely a ho-bag in any event.

Spy Kids 3D Game Over (Please!! Let it be over.)
 

Did anyone else catch Howard Stern this morning, where they replayed (for the benefit of William Shatner) the phony phone call made to George Takei/Sulu from the fan pretending to be Ricardo Montalban? Hilarious. George Takei might be the most underrated weird "celebrity" of all time.

"If you can believe it, I'm leaving tomorrow on a Star Trek cruise. We're leaving from San Pedro. Isn't that funny? Hah hah hah hah hah."

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Dowhutchalike in front of a justice of the peace. It's being inside a church that makes the difference. Which is why your Unitarian question is so thorny. I'm still trying to wrap myself around it. It's a brain-teaser, all right.

If you get married in a church and must have a dress that bares the shoulder, have the dressmaker put together a light satin shawl to cover during the ceremony. You can go topless at your reception, if it's a night wedding. I can't think of a daytime setting where strapless works.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

I had no idea that bear breasts were appropriate only in the night time. I'm going to have to reassess my entire wardrobe now.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Yes, but if you have wolf breasts like mine be careful. Some old-fashioned people still don't think it's appropriate to flash them.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

you have eight nips?
:eek2:

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

PUH-leaze, no crappy justice of the peace for me. I'd get a real judge. And no crappy lower court one -- at least appellate, and probably a supreme. What's the point of being a lawyer if you can't get someone interesting to perform the marriage ceremony????

OK, what if somehow it were really important to the hypothetical Mr. benefit to be married by a Man of God (let's say Episcopalian, just for the hypo) but we got married on his parents' estate? We're not in a church, but there is a representative of God handy. And I think Episcopalians, unlike Unitarians, are supposed to believe in God and the divinity of Jesus and stuff.

Would 5 pm be late enough for the ceremony? What about 4:30?




In reality, my feeling is that for chrissakes, I will wear whatever I want (that is agreeable to Mr. benefit, and his parents I guess if it's that important to them) and just not invite you or DS.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Grizzly? Koala? Panda? What kind of breasts do you have?


What about the rest of natures creatures? They must be so ashamed!

I was unfamiliar with the ho-bag strapless dress thing. About 90% of the dresses I have seen here are strapless, so Houston must be full of ho-bags. Me included.

FLo$
 

Same morning show reported she has determined "he is not my type" (i.e., not carry $1m anymore?) and will not return his calls. Think how excited he must have been to get on that show, and look what has happened to him.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Is it purity test time? I'm only recalling that it might be because you are (or at least were) so pure. It may be December or something.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

You do realize that two of those three "bears" are not bears, right?

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Now that you mention it... its around labor day, which is coming up.