Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Acting too much like PLF in his dialoge with Bug-eyed this morning.

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Not after one of them showed me the tattoo on her ass. And no, I didn't request to see it.

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Perhaps it would make you feel better to order some dinner -- charged to the client, of course.

"Corporate bigwigs are forking over as much as $700 a head for dinner parties where guests are served sushi off a naked woman." http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,95241,00.html

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

"Hello Kitty. You're so pretty, just like this here Flower.
Show your lovely smile, you're the poster of the hour.
Hiya Kitten. Lost your mitten? Are your fingers cold?
Let me warm them with my petals, if I may be bold.
What's up Cat? Put on your Hat, the one that's red and white.
Bring Thing 1, Thing 2 along, we'll raise some hell tonight.
Greetings Feline, make a bee line to the nearest Nordstrom.
Buy yourself some shoes sublime, I know you can afford some.
Hi there Pussy, let's . . . um . . . oops.
Never mind."

- Author unknown

Reality Redux
 

I left a fantastic reality show off my list . . . American Choppers.

If you are not watching it on discovery, check out this article to see what you are missing:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...erican_chopper

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

The presence of an Episcopal priest has no impact whatsover on the behavior of those surrounding him or her. We are encouraged to refer to them by their first names, for chrissake. With rare exception, these priests are more jaded, debauched, and atheistic than BIGLAW lawyers. That is why I count more of them among my friends than I do lawyers.

But one's state of ordination is not the relevant question. If you're dealing with a Baptist or a Morman layperson, YMMV. Cover yourself if you see them wandering among the Hye rollers and profiteroles at the reception, but I see no purpose for such people to be at any respectable person's wedding in the first place.

Good society recognizes only two times of day: daytime, and after six. Wear your strapless gowns, if at all, after six.

Really. Do you also give legal advice based upon these "feelings" of which you speak? :rolleyes: The Texas tuxedo was also originally based on such "feelings," and look at the world we're forced to live in now.

Reality Redux
 

Anyone else watching the show about newlyweds Jessica Simpson and her oy band husband (Nick??? I sure ABBA will know).

Highlights from yesterday:

Jessica going on and on about how she's never had to clean up after herself, throwing the laundry over the balcony, and their pissy fight about moving the furniture into the guest room. Props to the husband for getting a u-haul and moving himself in. Props detracted for him thinking that $20/hr is high for a maid (not that I know, but it seems reasonable). He does seem fairly normal and down to earth, much more than she does, but given how he acted on the episode of Punk'd when her hick trailor trash relatives moved in, I will at least watch the first few episodes.

Reality Redux
 

I didn't see the show but her husband is Nick Lachey, formerly of 98 degrees, now a solo act (though I couldn't tell you what he sings). He is way hot though. Somewhere hotter than Justin but less hot than Angelina.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

I was saying that the Episcopalian (or Baptist, or Methodist) person was performing the ceremony, but the ceremony was not in a church. So is it a religious ceremony deserving of the respect of covered shoulders, or is it a non-religious ceremony to which I can wear my pretty dress?

I'm sure "feelings" also had to do with getting rid of corsets and lots of petticoats and stuff. And that's all good in my book.

Of course, you may be saying that the degree of offensiveness of the difference between my shoulders, bared, and my shoulders, covered is equivalent to the degree of offensiveness of the difference between a TX tuxedo and a regular tuxedo. In which case, just because I am a ho of some kind does not mean you can cease to be a gentleman, at least, not if you have any kind of self-respect.

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Now I'm beginning to question whether I ever really was, in fact, on my game, or whether I am just looking at the past with scotch-colored glasses.

On the bright side, confirmation that I have always phoned it in just means that the Age of Flower has yet to fully bloom. Those will be exciting times, and you simpletons will regret the unkind words you said about me.

Reality Redux
 

After reading Abba's response, I realized you meant b oy band. For a minute there, I thought Jessica Simpson had married some tatooed skinhead from an oi band. That would have been much more interesting.

Reality Redux
 

Oy band is my new name for all those New Kids/Menudo knock-offs. Kind of descriptive of how I feel about them. So thanks SEC Chick!

Oy Bands
 

I thought Oy bands was another name for Klezmer musicians.







b'dum bum, tssssssss

Thanks, I'll be here all week...

(But not next week, because I'm goin' on VACATION!!!)

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Ah, you are brazenly taking credit for the hard work of others. This is good. Plagiarism is in. You are well on your way.

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

Uncle. If you have an evening wedding presided over by a man or womyn of God outdoors or in a private residence, I will not vomit with rage into the ficus planters if you have bare shoulders. This does not apply if the wedding ceremony is a Eucharist, no matter where it occurs. You may not have bare shoulders at a ritual eucharistic meal, whether you're a memorialist or a transubstantiationist.*

*You really don't want me vomiting into the ficus planters if you're a transubstantiationist. After all, I might puke up a beard and sandals.

The Sports Guy, on betting at weddings
 

Q: What types of non-sporting events do you bet on? We recently attended a wedding in Atlantic City, and had the following lines in play:

Number of bridesmaids: +/- 6

Number of ice sculptures: +/- 3

Length of church service: +/- 45 minutes

Time when first drunk guest makes a fool out of themselves: +/- 9.30 p.m.

Any ideas for other events? -- Mike K., Philadelphia

SG: You came to the right place. I've attended so many weddings over the past 10 years, they've all merged together into some sort of drunken haze. And let's face it: Every wedding is pretty much the same. By the time you hit your late-'20s, you could care less about who's getting married; you only want a fast ceremony, an open bar, and a cool balcony or deck outside where everyone can smoke butts.

So sprucing the festivities up with gambling. ... I mean, that's inspired genius. Let's assume that we're working with a 5 p.m. wedding ceremony, just for the sake of accuracy. Here are some other things you could gamble on:

1. Quality of the best man's toast vs. quality of the cake (even odds): This one could be especially fun if you wagered heavily on the best man, then he choked in his speech, and you wanted to kill him afterward. And yes, few things in life are more enjoyable than someone screwing up a best man's speech. I can't believe somebody hasn't turned "Worst Best Man Speeches" into its own TV show yet.

2. Girl who catches the bouquet hooks up with the guy who catches the garter (10-1 odds): I've only been to one wedding where this ever happened, so the 10-1 odds seem generous here.

3. Groom's horny friend starts grinding on the dance floor with somebody's attractive cousin who isn't 21 yet (even odds): And somebody's mother is always horrified. You can usually see this one coming. As an aside, I was delighted when this exact scenario happened at my wedding. It was a dream come true.

4. Band plays "I Will Survive" (+/- 8:45pm): I hate this song. There's always that one girl on the dance floor who just broke up with someone and gets a little too into the lyrics. Calm down, honey.

5. Token slutty bridesmaid goes after a waiter, band member, or any friend of the groom attending the wedding without his girlfriend (wager $400 to win $100): Easy money. When you mix the emotions of "I'm sad because my friend's getting married and I'm still single" with "I'm horny and drunk" and "Everyone looks good because we're all dressed up," just about anything's possible. They probably can't make these odds high enough.

6. Groom cries or faints during the wedding ceremony (3-1 odds): And here's the worst thing: You can't really make fun of them afterward. It was too big of a moment. So you might as well wager on it.

7. Puking or fisticuffs during the reception (10-1 odds): Although these odds drop to 3-1 in the general Boston area.

8. The Mother-Groom dance is "You Look Wonderful Tonight" (20-1 odds): We needed a long-shot wager on here. Imagine the excitement if you had 20-1 on Clapton and those first few seconds of the song started playing.

9. Fat guys dancing without their jackets and sweatstains under their arms (+/- 2.5): Another great part about weddings. Huge, sweeping sweatstains are always funny.

10. The token "couple who's been dating for three years and either need to get engaged or break up" have a huge blowout during the wedding reception (even odds): Not good times. Uh-oh ... I'm having flashbacks ...

And the ultimate long-shot bet...

11. Wedding called off at last minute (50-1 odds): It's dark, it's evil ... but a $10 bet wins you $500. More than enough to pay for your tux.

Oy
 

"Oy" is slang for "dude" in some parts of this country.

I have never used this word.

Oi Oi Oi
 

Which reminds me of two things:

1) Recently got Romper Stomper on DVD. Such a great flick.

2) Saw some punker wearing a Plasmatics T-shirt yesterday. I wonder if our friend realized a cut of the profits.

not7yS

The Sports Guy, on betting at weddings
 

I've actually done this once.

And as I've caught 9 garters in my life, this guy's odds are nearly spot on.

not7y(I hate that they killed this tradition)S

Misc Mecha-Bridezilla
 

:D that's all I want. Apparently. Judging by my recent posts.

Is there anything in life more annoying..
 

Is the Borg hiring?

not7y(looking for a better view)S

Reality Redux
 

And Jessica Simpson has really, really nice Cans.

not7yS

Reality Redux
 

I've caught this a couple of times recently, and its a compelling show. I like that it's not pseudo-reality (to the extent any television show can really be reality - the Heisenberg Principle applies equally to people as to atomic particles).

But what I like the best about it is what it does to my over-educated lawyer prejudices. These guys build bikes. They look like they build bikes. They act like they build bikes. But they are very, very smart, very talented and shrewed businessmen. Shave of his 'stach, laser the tats and put him in an Armani, and the dad would be a dangerous guy in a boardroom.

Non-Irony
 

Driving home I was reminded of what a nice coincidence it was that a car called Fiero was discontinued because of its tendency to catch fire.

That is all.

Reality Redux
 

I have not met many lawyers who I would dub "over-educated." This is a common fallacy that is self-supported by lawyers using an over-blown definition of "education."

You should get out a bit more often.

Edit: This is, of course, not a comment on your level of education, of which I know nothing.

Party On!
 

LOok Pretty Lil’ Fucker, I don't know you or your situation, or what might have happened recently in your life to make you such a bitterly unfunny assjackish person. I do know I once found you to be one of the most entertaining posters on this board, but I also know that you have definitely jumpedthshark and perma-glued a phone to your ear and are dialing in these posts in a manner thats’ worse than Penske’s recycled once a legend now a hack socks, and I have to question why in the middle of all this you would attempt to accuse me of this REba sock who is obviously not me, but another unfunny loser pretending to me, a stunt that is so old at this point it makes Penske’s Hillaryhasafatass sock look original. All that aside, in memory of your former self or the guy who had the log-in before you stole it I will resist the growing urge to add you to my ignore list, but trust me as someone who has been posting on this board since before the time Less had even spit on another female GA let alone bagged a drunken one, and I have seen posters come and go and more entertaining crushworthy ones (Shasta McN where are you?) than you or Coltrane, who is now officially off my crush list, and you should know that I fully expect you to be a memory here when the socks of my socks are scoring their personal K posts. IN fairness to the board, I am not going to enter into a prolonged and petty back and forth on this issue but rather just wish you good luck in finding your game or whatevr it is you think you lost and if you feel it necessary feel free to PM me but spare me your tired unfunny bs.

Alos, to whomever is engaging in this Reba sock and other lame imitations, whether its Penske or a Penske-wannabe, if you took the time to read you would notice that all of the contrived grammatical and spelling errors are not something found in my posts and are not amusing, unless you are attempting to imitate DS imitating me. Obviously, the type and frequency of spelling errors and the random capitalization makes it evident that they are intentional and just to show how unfuckingly funny that is, even a loser as big as the Fluffer has stopped that stale joke. Why some people feel the need to post the same stuff that was unfunny two years ago on the Stalin board is beyond me, although then again it falls right in line with the barely deceptive tactics that these socks use to pretend to be lurking newbies just happening on the board. Look either post as yourself or go back to INfrm and sock, because socking, like Infirm is so 2001.

Party On!
 

Actually 4 out of 5 Penske socks prefer assclown to assjack.

Reality TV Trivia
 

Props to the first person to give the name of the person who uttered this line --

"And it wasn't ... not ... funny!"


Someday this might be on Jeopardy.

Reality TV Trivia
 

Any good googler can find that.

(David <--> Tammy Real World L.A.)

You still say "props."

ha. ha.

Reality TV Trivia
 

Props. But no mad props unless you occasionally can hear her screaming that line as a result of years of replays on Mtv.

Reality TV Trivia
 

When a show is sooo much older than the people cast in it, it is time to gracefully get the fuck off the air.

Reality Redux
 

I turned to the OM last week and said, "I want to build stuff" while watching Mikey and Paulie build his bike. It's just so real and they are true craftsmen.

Reality tv tie-in . . . a few weeks ago, I saw Wyclef ride up to work with the group on his OCC bike on MtB2.

Reality TV Trivia
 

Speaking of Tammy, it's so weird to see her on ESPN all the time talking about the Kobe thing.

Good thing she married and divorced well.

Miso horny
 

Despite the deep respect I have for the integrity of reporting by Fox News, I call bullshit. Hors d'oeuvre, canapés, amuse-bouches and antipasti, yes. Sushi, no. All the sushi chefs I have met (okay, seen on guest spots on Martha Stewart Living) are all about cleanliness and purity. Where do they find Japanese food craftsmen willing to put raw fish on a stripper? Where do they find strippers who can lay still for three hours without getting the DTs? And what do they use for a cutting board? Inquiring minds . . .

Starting a new sock parade
 

Originally posted by Uncle Ned

The guy's probably judgement proof and working under the table. So, how it's handled is by the governmental fisc.

QE
 

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch

You know, if you ditched the wife and put the kids up for adoption, now might be the time to buy an RV and take a road trip like cheffie joked about, visiting FB chicks east-coast, west-coast, worldwide.

Reality TV Trivia
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by evenodds
Speaking of Tammy, it's so weird to see her on ESPN all the time talking about the Kobe thing.
QUOTE]

Really! Jesus mutherflippin' Christ, am I the only person in the US of A who is B-O-R-E-D by just the mention of this dude's name?!

Last week there was one insignificant hearing and BAM it leads on all 3 of the Alphabet nets. Two nights ago Matthews wasted 12 minutes of prime Hardball having a Kobe discussion. Every other minute Larry King has someone on yakking about Kobe. And its only going to get worse. By the time the trial rolls around it will be Kobe Bryant 24/7. Who knows, maybe even a KobeNewsNet.

BIG FAT YAWN!!!

Thank god for FOXNews, the reason O'Reilly and Hannity have good ratings is because they know how to separate the wheat from the chaffe, unlike the rest of these press whores. Ever since OJ, the Entertainment-Media establishment has been overhyping these celebrity legal cases, when in fact the supermajority of them are irrelevant and unnewsworthy.

On the other hand, two hi-profile cases that I never get bored with and definitely deserve a little more examination from the Fourth Estate are the Vince Foster suicide and the Gary Condit intern case. I'm looking forward to seeing what Larry King can do with them.

Miso horny
 

I guess you never watched the Surreal Life . . .

Fleeting fame and more.
 

Ah, it's good to be remembered.

On an unrelated note, I was recently at a bachelor party. Needless to say, we ended up at a strip joint. Due to poor planning on my part, I had run low on cash, but didn't realize it until showing up at the club. I decided to charge some stripper bucks to my credit card. The only options were $50 or $100. $50 would get me nowhere, as lap dances were $20 per sho...uh, time. So, I took out $100.

I bought a lap dance for myself. (No grinding, natch.) Then I bought one for the bachelor. Other guys in the group started buying lap dances for the bachelor, so next thing you know, I'm left with $60 in Monopoly money, and it's getting late. I then proceed to get three more lap dances for myself. After all, I'm not going to let the money go to waste, right?

When I get home, the Mrs. says, "So, how many lap dances did you get?" I tell her that I got four. She is half-mad, half-laughing at my indulgence. (Apparently, she forgot that she told me that I "could" get five.) Feeling slightly guilty, I explain the story, and how I was left with $60 in money that couldn't be spent elsewhere. She asked, "Well, why didn't you just give it back?" I replied that the money was non-refundable, so it was use it or lose it. That seems totally logical to me. She, on the other hand, thought that was the lamest excuse ever, and couldn't understand why I didn't just throw the $60 at the bouncer and be on my way. The thought of that pained me, so we had to agree to disagree on that issue.

I also debated the merits of various places to get lap dances with a friend who had just taken a weekend trip to Montreal just to go to strip joints. My rankings were: 1) Las Vegas, 2) New York (Scores, that is), 3) Atlantic City, and 4) Chicago. He raved about Montreal, and said that if you go to the right clubs, not only is there grinding and much grabbing by the dancers, but you can touch just about anywhere you want, crotch excepted. Now that's living.

Fleeting fame and more.
 

I'll second Montreal, and throw in Toronto for good measure. I measure everything by Crazy Horse Too standards, and Montreal/Toronto strippers are nearly as hot, and equally aggressive, for much less money. Of course, if you've got the game to get them worked up, you can find yourself getting a lot for a little, no matter where you are.

I think your list is deficient, however, in that it leaves out central Florida (Tampa/Orlando), a/k/a the strip club capital of the world, and Atlanta, which I hear is phenomenal, even with the Gold Club not quite what it used to be. I'd put Florida way above Vegas. I think I need to go to Houston to do some field testing there too before I publish my own rankings. Aww hell they're all great! Hats off to you, strippers and strip clubs.