PIZZA
 

Fuck Whiff Chex. J. Fred ain't on no health kick. He's all about the Count Whiffula. Perhaps with a Whiff Tart on the side.

PIZZA
 

This post has been dually endorsed by paigow and Coltrane:

[IMG]http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=zing/v=2/SID=e/l=IVS/SIG=11pf8id6d/EXP=1128012149/*-http%3A//www.pongman.com/irons/zing.jpg[/IMG]

PIZZA
 

Awesome justification. I think that I may have to follow up my morning pastry with a slice of pizza, just for health reasons. Do they still make those stretchy pants?

PIZZA
 

For chicks, yes.

bah dum bah bum bum bum Its Bash JLH time!
 

Noted.

Can't believe this is not on the Tivo right now. Will need to replace some sort of reality show I guess.

Los Angeles indeed
 

Translation: How weird is it that Viggo had a kid with Exene Cervenka?

What's next? Overuse of the word "surreal?"

TM

Interviews
 

I'm looking at a resume with bullet point "qualifications" at the top (e.g., "successful track record of blah blah blah" and "innovative strategic planner.") Does this impress anyone? Also the thing is two pages long. Probably a brilliant candidate but I'm annoyed already.

Maybe em will bring me a chocolate muffin.

Los Angeles indeed
 

"Byzantine" is the new "baroque."

Rita victim assistance
 

Translation: I'm too old for the "husky" section.

TM

Interviews
 

This resume is for a lawyer? Sounds like some putz in sales.

Rita victim assistance
 

You know, maybe your translation skillz would improve if you took Weed's cock out of your mouth?

bah dum bah bum bum bum Its Bash JLH time!
 

They aren't even that big. Have I been fooled by her leotards in Pof5 and pushup bras?

I think her tits needs to attach themselves to a new face. That one isnt working.

Interviews
 

Law student with an unusual background, but still. Also refers to emself in the third person in the bit where everyone feels compelled to tell you what their interests are.

Rita victim assistance
 

Translation: I often think of Weed's cock. MMMMMM. Weedcock. So delicious.

TM

What the fuck is going on?
 

I am willing to bet their is a correlation between the high hits and the advent of the Spanky Show and resuscitation of the Big Board. Spanky gets big ratings. They have since fallen off since he is no longer regaling us with tales of Deer and Stalking.

Interviews
 

I automatically ding all summer associate candidates who feel that their accomplishments deserve two pieces of paper. The recruiting people get pissed sometimes when I write that on the evaluations, but I think it's important to have standards.

Interviews
 

If you can't handle the bs-laden bullet points, don't go in-house ["in house"? dtb?].

PIZZA
 

My dear boy, if I had co-endorsed the post, which would have required reading it, I think it would have said "Ping! Zing. But I cannot endorse that kind of derivative drivel. I invented the breakfast whiff post.

Hasn't she spawned yet? I thought she and Britney were on the same cycle?

Los Angeles indeed
 

"Surreal" is so 2004. The hep kids all now use "phantasmagoric"

Interviews
 

My good man. The Two Page Resume is an automatic ding. Unless its from a recrutier who took over the job. Nah, still an automatic ding. One's accomplishments should speak for themselves.

I knew a gal who was a Two Pager (not including a Deal Sheet). There were paragraphs devoted to her internatinoal travels and multilingual adventures. She was widely despised and I weep for whoever ended up having to work with her.

If this is the same resume, please PM me immediately if not sooner.

Rita victim assistance
 

Is "husky" the new "bear"?

. . . and long walks on the beach.
 

We are Not Amused.

Seriously, when I get annoyed at resumes, I try to withhold judgment until the interview. Sometimes the annoying resumes are submitted by hot babes . . . uh, exceptionally well-qualified candidates, and they can overcome the annoyingness.

Rita victim assistance
 

Pathetic. It's sad, really. They say that in his day, Thurgreed was one of the best. His caustic wit and razor-sharp repartee kept the boards alive through many a dull k race or Paigow/Slave scratch-your-eyes-out-bitch marathon. And now, look at what's become of him. Hanging out at the Port Authority bus terminal, spewing out I'm-rubber-you're-glue retorts while he waits for his mama to throw him her castoffs.

I blame a life lived too long in the white-hot light of the wonder and the glory that are dtb and gwinky. No mere mortal could hold up in that rarified environment for too long.

Or perhaps it was his miserably failed attempt to carry off TMBD III. Once the people realized he couldn't deliver without the goodwill of the Betties, they smelled blood. When NFH declared the breasticle boycott, he was toast.

Oh well. Never let it be said that we don't take care of our own. I hereby pledge to fund Lawtalkers for a week for every photo of Thurgreed being fed a meal by a topless FBetty between now and Thanksgiving. Dig deep, people. Let's not let this tragicomic legend be lost forever.

Ladies, get out those crockpots and bare two for the Man Who Once Called Paigow Whackadoo.

Interviews
 

Example please! Is it like "paigow enjoys horseback riding, donating to PETA and flaming name droppers"

Interviews
 

That's horrible. I've always liked the "interests" section because it gives you something to talk about besides law. But the third person? I think that's almost an automatic no.

Unless she's hot.

ETA: Damnit, NotBob

. . . and long walks on the beach.
 

Not Bob, when is the last time a hot babe applied for a legal job in Podunkville?

Rita victim assistance
 

Are you mad at me for calling you a leery old perv with a preggo fetish?

Interviews
 

Or is it like: "Mr. Man enoys eating stolen horsemeat with Burt Reynolds and all the many other famous people he knows"?

Rita victim assistance
 

You should just end it all. I mean, really, whats the fucking point?

Interviews
 

Are you interviewing Bob Dole?*

* Who is an excellent dead pool choice.

Paging less, str8 and the other people with gambling "issues"
 

Is it possible to make a wager on the coming of the Green Tea Latte to Starbucks? I called the Chai latte back in 1996 when I asked my local Starbucks Counter Person in Greenwich to add some steamed soy milk to the hot water and Taza (sp?) chai tea bag but haven't seen a dime for it.

Interviews
 

Agreed. Interests section should be something like: "Avid golfer and rock musician". None of that "Enjoys books and travel" crap. It really all is about dork control, because you will need to deal with the clown on an on-going basis, notwithstanding how smart they are.

Interviews
 

Has anyone seen any resumes with photos of the candidates on them?

How sharper than a serpent's tooth
 

Ouch.

Interviews
 

Fucking, drinking, internet porn, entertaining daydreams about winning lottery and/or suicide, lawn darts, complaining, marijuana, magic mushrooms, fisticuffs, chatboard posting, pretending to be interested in professional advancement, acting, chicanery, fraud, malfeasance, alchemy.

Interviews
 

Its an automatic ding - as bad as videotape (yes, this exists).

Interviews
 

What? No misfeasance, malfeasance or nonfeasance?

aV

Interviews
 

Dork control? In this industry? I feel like I'm in a D&D marathon half the time.

Interviews
 

Golf drives me fucking nuts. I grew up playing golf and got bored senseless with it by 21. I still play now and again, but hardly any amount worth discussing. Why does every male at the age of 30 suddenly become a “golf guy”? I like it - its relaxing... But its one of those sports you can never master unless you have inherent skills. You can’t will yourself to be really good without a lot of natural talent, and if you play for more than 3 years, you realize this. Nevertheless, guys talk about how they’re changing their swings and taking lessons, etc... all day long. Its really annoying as hell. The only lesson a pro ever gave me that really made sense was to use my lead arm more than my support arm. That can convert a straight ball to a draw and add about 20 yards. But if you’re a slicer, you’re fucked, and most of the guys I hear talking about it are all fucking slicers. Its maddening. Just go play the fucking game and stop talking about it.

PIZZA
 

Wow. You really didn't read it. Ouch.