Reading material
 

I've never found a thing of use in the Touchpoints book - too general for me. I like techniques; I can pretty well figure out where they are emotionally. maybe it's better as you get up in the 4-5 year range, which I haven't glanced at yet.

Reading material
 

I will take a look when I get home. Wish I had had it the first time around when I was crying every time I nursed for the first 6 weeks + (especially with a kid who nursed about every 1.5 - 2 hours!).

School is for Dummies
 

Shit, my kid was happier than a pig in shit to leave for school.

Reading material
 

Oooh ooh ooh, I just remembered a really good one my ped recommended: Building Healthy Minds by Stanley Greenspan. In fact, maybe I should re-read it now that #2's here.

Speaking of #2, I am at a loss to come up with a board moniker for him. What goes with Magnus?

tm

Reading material
 

There is no time to read once #2 comes. You have to wing it.


That's a board name? I thought that was his real name. I feel like an idiot now.

Reading material
 

Opus?

Reading material
 

Just hand over #2 to #1 (don't worry, big siblings are always mature); the good rearing from your attention to detail the first time around will wear off on the new one.

Reading material
 

Siggurd? Or Thor?

Reading material
 

How about #3?

Reading material
 

Beyond my level of expertise. Give to the wolves to raise?

Reading material
 

I like Thorvald.

Or just look here, for the approved Danish names:

http://www.kirkeministeriet.dk/hyppige_spm/fornavne.htm

and pick out something--maybe Qvintus?

Anyone have any good ideas for a late fall trip with mom, dad (both working) and a 20-month old boy? Somewhere in North America, which is not Disney-related. Not particular concerned with weather, but want to try to have some variety of stuff for him to do.

Reading material
 

Well, at 20 months, he probably will like running around one place as good as at any other. Though zoos are popular at that age (along with aquariums, etc.). So it's mainly what mom & pop want to do. Outdoorsy? Western VA and NC are beautiful that time of year (assuming October), not too cold, good, not too strenuous hiking (nice with a backpack for the kid). Or are you thinking more city style? Driving or flying?

Reading material
 

City-ish, but resort-y is okay too. We're mostly eat and drink vacationers with a healthy dose of upper middle brow tourist-y activities. We're likely flying--He's a champ on the plane, so long as we plan the times right and we haven't really tested his tolerance for a long drive. He will pretty much put up with anything when we're around. We just need someplace where there are a couple of things he'd like so we don't feel bad dragging him around to places we won't let him run amok and we don't have any ideas. We're almost intentionally saving the active vacations for when he's a little older.

Reading material
 

Monterey (and surrounding) could be cool. You've got beaches and aquarium for the kid, and it's a nice place for adults to spend time. Weather can be great that time of year, too, though it's hit-or-miss.

If you want more city-ish, I'd highly recommend Vancouver BC. Weather could suck late fall, though.

Of course, if you're right coast, neither might make sense.

Reading material
 

Actually went to Monterey late spring. The little dude was a little young to fully appreciate it, but it was a good deal all around and an excellent suggestion.

Been to Vancouver, too, but before the little dude and actually had it on the list of possibles for this trip. Any thoughts on kid-friendly places to go/things to do beyond the aquarium, stanley park, the otehr outdoors stuff (esp. if the weather is shite)? And what's bad weather in early November in Vancouver (or the northern west coast in general)? Does the persistent winter rain start that early?

We're in Chicago, so almost anywhere works--with no plane switch anything up to about 4.5 hours flying time is reasonable for the little dude, especially if we can get on a big plane.

Reading material
 

Sheesh Ollie, your not doing much for your own state's tourism effourts. How about the Oregon coast? I have been there in mid-late fall, its beautiful. Really any time of year. Lots of good beer, wine. The beaches are empty and dog friendly. There's an aquarium AND a wax museum in Newport. What more could you want?

Reading material
 

LOL. I've always given the following advice to new parents: Get your parenting advice from a book IF AND ONLY IF your parents and your SO's parents were both such worthless pieces of shit that you'd rather obtain guidance from total strangers with no track record whatsoever. Minor premise is that if you obtained a college degree and still have all of your fingers and toes, your parents did something right, because that shit does not happen by accident --- for as much as we all bitch about our parents, a real total absence of parenting results in festering wounds and compulsive masturbation. (Hi, Less!) No one capable of posting on this board can truthfully say they have zero to learn from either of their parents.

When I have a parenting problem, I don't open a book. I call my Mom. If what she says makes no fucking sense, I ask Dad instead. If I disagree with him, I'll go to the library. I haven't been to a library in four years.

Re: nursing. I concur that you shouldn't make any permanent decisions on it until you're past six weeks. The agony goes away after about four. If there's a thrush infection at any point, add two weeks to the total. For 90% of people it becomes as easy as falling off a log. Get a rec for a lactation consultant --- you can afford it, and it will reduce the misery in the first week.

trying to help
 

Nice try, but no one is forgetting the misogyny you recently exhibited on the issue of natural childbirth v. drug assisted deliveries. I would suggest starting over with a new sock. PM me if you want one of my inactive ones. And don't forget, the babyjesus still loves you, platonically (except in the confessional, anything goes there)

Reading material
 

What you need is the American Society of Pediatrics' "Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5. This is the nuts-and-bolts stuff.

You and I do not need any books about child development. You and I might want them, because we pride ourselves on taking control of a situation by anticipating it and preparing ourselves for it, usually by reading, which is the way nerds feel in control. But reference books can be a trap for people who naturally establish high expectations for themselves and, by extension, their children. Weight gain becomes a competition against the percentiles first as a joke --- usually by Dad. But it's no joke when your kid's in the bottom 10% and you're thinking this is the first thing you've ever undertaken at which you're slowly failing. It's not funny when you're sobbing in the middle of the night because your kid is crying and you can't figure out why, and you went to fucking Princeton, for God's sake. Okay, it is funny, but not to you, at least not right then.

If you really want a child development book, my wife recommends anything by William Sears, but only if you're inclined to like attachment parenting. If you're going to be returning to work and already know this, this will probably not be valuable to you as a guide.
Don't read "Babywise." Don't read "What to Expect." Seek out the best parent you know, and take him/her to coffee once a week. Maybe consider reading Operating Instructions. But mostly, it's the coffee.

It was advice I read on this board that kept me from going into shock when my kid had a febrile seizure two weeks ago. It was probably in one of the books on our bookshelf, but I wouldn't have known that. I needed to have once heard a story about a particular kid who had such a high fever that he had a seizure --- and it turned out totally fine, because kids are weird and funny and totally different from adults. And I got that here, not from Dr. Spock.

trying to help
 

As usual, you're not . . . wait, can I have bilmore?

trying to help
 

Reporting for duty........

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/191000...0_benny150.jpg

trying to help
 

Actually, I'd say Atticus is on-track for another skirmish, given the "easy as falling off a log" and "you really should stick with it" comments, coming from a man. It's that same tone coming through again, one that I wouldn't probably use with new mothers, even having gone to hell and back (personally) with it.

Reading material
 

Good Lord. Yes, if you're that neurotic about it, then by all means, stay away from scary info about "norms" and such. But if you can read without feeling threatened, they can be interesting, particularly as the kidlets get older. But sorry, if you're worried about your kid being at 10% in weight - don't even get the numbers. And maybe invest in a book that talks about separating your own ambitions from those of your kids, and not trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Reading material
 

Shhhhhhhhhh. But, yeah. As part owner of a little beach shack on the coast, I agree. By early November, however, some rain is likely.

trying to help
 

Plus, my Mommy and Daddy are dead. I can't call them for advice. Moreover, I wouldn't take any from my Dad anyway.

The insensitive living-functional-family-having BASTARD!!!!

trying to help
 

Heh. Hey, I'm just looking out for those who haven't experienced the bleeding and zinging pain yet! Not that you will, since it's easy and all.

trying to help
 

I'm gonna get lectures from YOU about finding peace with being in the unfortunate minority percentile?

trying to help
 

2. He really needs to dial it back a few notches if he wants to play nice here. I try and I try and I try to help him and wadduiget? nada. But what i can say, I'm a giver not a taker.

Reading material
 

Cool, so its an open invite, right?


First year I was out here we spent Thanksgiving in Cannon Beach. It was a winter storm the whole weekend. 40s, high winds and downpouring rain the whole time. It was awesome. We would take the dogs out into the bluster for an hour or so, come back, jump in the hot tub and make a fire.

Ah, the kid-less days.....

I second the Weissbluth recommendation. Skip the rest of the sleep books. Who knew sleep theory could be so freakin' ideological?

On Books
 

I like anything by Dr. Sears also: I have The Baby Book, The Pregnancy Book, and The Breastfeeding Book - all good. I also have a few of his others that I'm not so sure about - The Discipline Book and another one - they are a bit to AP-y for me, but I love the 3 listed above.

I have the Mayo clinic book - not nearly as detailed as I would have liked, but not bad for free. It's actually in my pile of stuff to go to charity.

Ditto B&B on the nursing - it is definitely no picnic the first few weeks, so don't make any decisions until at least a month in. LLL has a good book. Also, check out www.kellymom.com and www.breastfeeding.com.

If any one suggests Babywise to you - Google "Ezzo" and see what you get. It's not good.

I also liked Weisbluth - lots of research in there. I also got The Baby Whisperer - claims a non-CIO way to get your kid to sleep. It may actually work for some babies, but not mine and WILL make you feel horribly guilty if you need to use CIO at all - like you are scarring your kid for life.

trying to help
 

Do I know you? Geez, I was one of the more sympathetic-to-you ones in the whole natural vs. epidural issue. I'm not too interested in going bare knuckles with you.

On Books
 

I agree with the tall one about the Mayo book - way too general. Babywise is useful for the ~3-hr cycle, but otherwise alarming. The Baby Whisperer annoyed the shit out of me (and brought me to tears at one low point) - but I started feeling better when I realized that her main qualifications appear to be that she (a) is British and (b) has worked for celebrities in LA.

On Books
 

Baby Whisperer didn't apply at all to my first (I got so irritated with that damn book), but the second one fit right into that EASY schedule. Of course, she probably would have done that whether or not I tried to foist it on her, but it was so gratifying to have a kid do something in regularish cycles. Both kids continue in their respective styles still.

trying to help
 

I have nothing against you personally. I wanted to point out the irony: First, you told me that it should be easy to get over the fact that something you expected (weight gain) was difficult, and then you jumped all over me for suggesting that nursing becomes easy for most people even though in your case it did not. I apologize if I was overly harsh in how I made that point. I know from direct experience that nursing is a subject in which some people can be judgmental. I am not, but I do think it's possible to make bad decisions based on anecdotal evidence of the occasions in which nursing is impossible. It does happen, but it's the exception, not the rule. Would you accept advice on what to do based on the exception rather than the rule? Can I share my anecdotal evidence without you feeling attacked?

Can we all just agree that we can talk about our own parenting experiences on this board without being accused of implicitly saying "You are bad and wrong for having done differently"? Trust me, if I think something is bad and wrong, I'll actually say so, and if I think someone is bad and wrong for having done something, I'll say that too.

trying to help
 

Yes, and apparently you would be surprised to know I have a similar perspective ("just because I relate my own story doesn't mean I'm judging yours"). But do recognize that it can sound different coming from someone who hasn't actually been there, and that these issues in particular sometimes hit women in particularly personal ways. For the record, I wasn't *personally* bothered by what you said or implied, feeling both very happy about my epis and nursing for a collective almost 2 years. But do understand that when you say nursing will be "like falling off a log," I may say, "that's crap." I didn't have it as bad as many, and I chose to stay with it, and yes it was easy after 3 months or so, but I'd never give that kind of blanket statement, because I know better. Depends on your definition of easy, I guess, but saying so, especially if you haven't done it, is, as they say, Not Helpful.

I still don't think there's much of a comparison to be drawn between my saying "you sound condescending to suggest that nursing is a piece of cake and women should do it, even if you think it's really hard," and my saying, "people who can't hear their kid is 10% for weight without thinking this jeopardizes Harvard or means years of intensive nutritional and weight-training therapy need to get a grip." One's a physical issue, and the other is an atittude adjustment.

trying to help
 

What I said is that for 90% of woman it becomes as easy as falling off a log. I was never very good at math, but I think that leaves open the possibility that for some women it never gets even a little bit easier. Those women should --- and I use "should" here in a very gentle sense, since I have never "been there" in the sense that you seem to require --- bottle feed. I give them my permission to do so without regret or remorse. I'm a giver. The others for whom it gets only slightly easier but never as easy as falling off a log are also free to make whatever decisions they like. But I think we're in basic agreement that you should proceed between Week 1 and Week 6 under the assumption that you'll someday find it easy, rather than assume that you never will.

I know nothing about you IRL,* like whether you're a single mom, but you'd best believe I have "been there" in whatever pitiful, secondary sense men can participate in the delivery, care for and rearing of their own children. Either you have my deserved sympathy for going this alone, or you're the one being a pompous jackass about who has valid input to offer on parenting issues. Someone should tell Dr. Sears that he's full of shit, too.

*You may be a sock for an FB poster who doesn't want it known she has kids for outability reasons. If this is the case, I may know something about you IRL, but I don't know that I know.

trying to help
 

Less agreed to the child support, but its subject to a confidentiality agreement. Try not to blow the lid off this Atticus.

trying to help
 

I never said you had no right to a perspective on it. But I am telling you, if you have never had a baby bite your nipples, or had them crack and bleed so bad you cried everytime the child (who ate every other hour) needed to nurse, or had the child then throw up said blood, then you just haven't exactly "been there." You can be sympathetic super-daddy all you want, but it just ain't the same. None of which is to say, I hasten to add, you don't have anything valid to say about it, but you aren't in the same position, which is why your comments could benefit from being a little more circumspect.

Haven't paid much attention to Dr. Sears, but I would be happy to tell him he's full of shit if he makes women feel like failures if for some reason they can't do the nursing thing. I have seen him, and others who comment as you have, make women feel that way. AGAIN, not me *personally*, because I'm the happy super-lawyer-mommy (said with tongue in cheek, before there are any freakouts), but it's unnecessary nonetheless.

And no, I do not think proceeding assuming it will get easier is necessarily the best route. In fact, I think that is a recipe for stress. Rather, I found it much easier just to go day-by-day, committed to it, but not feeling some imaginary competition out there to see if I could "make it" and be a tough girl. Mind games about parenting issues are bullshit.

trying to help
 

Well, dammit, just drag it all out in the open, why don't you!