Banning kids
 

When you hear the parent coming by with the child, pick up the phone and prtend your in some heated discussion. Its best to use the cell because most internal phones have led lights on them which indicate whether you are actually on line with someone or just faking.

Banning kids
 

Yeh, that is unfair. They're too emotionally wrecked all the time to handle anything that reminds them of their inability to land Mr. Right.

Banning kids
 

Au contraire. Mr. Right would never make me have a baby. That kind of behavior puts him firmly in Mr. Wrong-land.

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

If I had a spare $32,000,000 laying around, I would so buy this! I bet the black thing stays with the clever guy who dug stuff up in the cemetary...

Banning the babies
 

Jesus Christ... You just tell this cousin "no kids." End of story. I had relatives demand a mass at my wedding. I said "Are you paying? No? Then I must respectfully advise you that your input is neither deisired nor appreciated." That seemed to shut the windbags up. You do whatever you like on your wedding day, and fuck everyone who isn't writing a check for the wedding.
My wife's folks paid for the wedding, so they had total control. My folks politely deferred to them on everything, as they should. My folks paid for the rehearsal dinner according to tradition. My wife's family politely deferred to everything my folks wanted on that issue. So stop asking questions and simply tell your cousin "no." Only those who put their money where their mouth is get a say.

Banning kids
 

If I wasn't married, I'd make a totally crude proposition.

S(a chick who doesn't want kids is a rare treasure - you'll make some cat very happy someday)D

Burning kids
 

I'm already making a couple felines happy -- but it's no substitute for regular sex!

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

Be careful. You could lose your investment if this movement gets traction.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...category=19270

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

Oh, and the high bid is down to only $600,100.00. You can afford it! You think the $99,999,999.00 bid was a fake?

Banning the babies
 

Back in the WASP-homeland (Fairfield County, CT) weddings were always family, too. Not as big as a Mexican or Greek event, and always at a family home (maybe Grandma thought it was tacky to have a reception outside the house?) No one ever thought to dis-invite kids and dogs.

Out of the west coast, family seems less central to the wedding theme, and colleagues/friends more important. There is also a lot more effort to put on a fancy show with caterers and hothouse flowers and a romantic setting, so kids don't fit into the scenario as well.

It isn't a problem for me because I do almost anything to avoid weddings, and staying home with the kids is a great excuse.

Banning kids
 

Because I am a spaz, I have lots of scars and was trying to get rid of them with Mederma. The good thing is that it apparently works well - the bad thing is that it is derived from onions and I don't think they have yet found a way to eliminate the odor. You have to apply it frequently to work well so unfortunately you end up smelling like onions. I found this out when I first tried it and went to work thinking everything was fine and people kept sniffing around me saying "do you smell onions?". So then I just applied it at night and my husband threatened to kick me out of bed.

So now I have abandoned Mederma and am using those Curad scar removal pads. They seem to be working.

Edited to add that I don't know why I had this Mederma-onion problem and L_P did not. Maybe my skin just reacted with it funny.

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

It has dropped like a rock to around $15,000. I'm now feeling bad for the seller, who will be stuck with the Black Thing anyway and will no longer be able to retire to a tropical locale with his ghost friend and millions of dollars. Poor guy.

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

This is hilarious. Personally, I like the legal representation if your ghost in the jar is not getting a good number of bids and is therefore being discriminated against!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...&category=1523

Only 2 Hours Left . . .
 

I love the firm name: " We here at Casper, Casper, and Weinberger always cheat you right."

Banning babies
 

OK, granted I'm in the throes of the single woman/ticking clock phenomenon and have been known to bore my friends with tales of my nephews' toilet training woes (they really are cute), STILL . . .

A two-month old infant really can't be left with a strange babysitter, especially if they're being breast-fed. They just can't. Newborns don't feed on predictable intervals, and babies under three months really do need regular access to their usual caregiver. After 6 months, OK, but before that, a joint babysitting arrangement with a couple dozen cousins just isn't practical. That said, many churches have a "baby area" for just that reason - my last one had a soundproofed room with a window looking over the congregation, a speaker system, and rocking chairs. The cousin should be invited to enjoy the ceremony from that location rather than waiting for the brat to start wailing before she leaves the vestibule.

Once you're at the reception, who really gives a fuck about an infant? You're going to be (1) drinking, (2) dancing, and (3) whooping it up. You'll never notice the little rugrat, unlike a three-year old who might trip you during the ever-crucial cake-eating scene. THe parents will levae early anyway because they're new parents who haven't slept more than 2 hours a night for 2 months, so it's unlikely to put a major crimp in your style. Relax - it's a wedding, not a freaking Broadway production.

As for babies at the office - for some of us, that's as close to motherhood as we're ever going to get. Don't wreck our fun - just close your door. Once the rugrats start talking, however, all bets are off. Stick them in a time capsule until they turn 30.