Tofu blech
 

No doubt. I'll get the white-out and add to the bottom
ncs - kink
nfh - amish

36% pure.

There has to be a bunch of pre-teens taking this test...

20% of test-takers have slept with a married person? Hooray for homewreckers. I think I killed the "not knowing her name" and that one at the same time...

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

Pathetic. I went from 59% to 55% to 53%.

I hope that it's because more impure people like all y'all have taken the test in the last couple of years, thereby raising (or lowering?) the curve.

Or maybe I'm just forgetting my days of snorting lines of blow off of bold n' brazen's breasts in 1988.

edited to note that apparently I don't have a clue about whether I am becoming more or less pure, but I left it this way becuase I liked the line about snorting blow, though I should note that (a) I am joking; (2) I used bold n' brazen instead of, say, Fugee, only because she (bnb, not Fugee) just made a comment about cocaine use 15 years ago; and therefore (III) no one should assume that I have anything other than the utmost respect for bn'b as a person, not that I am saying that she (or Fugee) are unworthy of having blow snorted off of their breasts, but just that, you know, I didn't mean anything offensive by it. Honk.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

Damn. Podunkville, that's near Amish country, no?

Tofu blech
 

I really thought about it. Add this one to the ncs/nfh differences list. This has been discussed here before, but there is a group of chicks on the fb (me included) that aren't as big on receiving oral sex as other things. Not to say it's awful or anything, but Paigow can explain. And for purposes of the hypo I assumed I would be allowed to stay with the existing equipment that I've been playing with for a while, so I lack concerns about "inadequate equipment".

Tofu blech
 

keen analysis. It really depends on the fellator. If she's good, really, really, good, then a life of blow jobs would probably be the better bet.

But, if not, sex provides a lot more variety, and it's usually possible to make it somewhat enjoyable even if the woman isn't particularly talented.

point of clarification: does the blow-job option presume anal is out?

Tofu blech
 

As I recall, the answer to those who didn't get the whole "oral" thing was "you just haven't had the right person." Because like I said earlier, if you're with someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're doing, or just thinks that it's better to get through the buffet quicker, is just slow and painful torture. Go get yourself a Frenchman.

Tofu blech
 

For the record, should anyone ever need this information, I am not in this group.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

Exactly. But without the tomatoes.

Tofu blech
 

And whoever gave out the "do the alphabet" advice is a moron. Back in college, that was the recommendation. The chicas did not respond like everyone said they would. I guess that's what college is for though: learning.

Tofu blech
 

See, that's your problem. Never listen to "people."
Listen to us. Do what we say.
Or, in the alternative, ask the woman you're with.

leagl said we could do this . . .
 

You have well and truly lost it, and it's sad, as you once struck me as passingly sane. I say "I think rap is misogynistic." You have a fit, point out examples of where I am wrong, and I am "arrogant." I say, in a late-night half-joking tirade following 329 reality TV posts, that you people watch way too much TV, and list some alternative activities. For this, I am "arrogant X 2." Finally, I try a word play to which someone takes offense, I get pissed and point out that maybe offense should possibly be measured at least partially in context of the speaker's history of trying to offend, and I am "arrogant x 3". My best guess is, I happened to gore two of your very favorite oxen, and the threat to your self-esteem is so great that you need a way to discount everything I said without reliance on substance.No, I think that, in your three examples, I was correct. I've apologized to many people for things on these boards, and IRL, when I've fucked up. I can't imagine that you have ever done that, which makes your point so funny to me.

I will concede that you made me back down to "much of the rap that I have ever seen is misogynistic", but I don't recall you ever altering your point, which was, not that misogynistic rap wasn't prevelant but, that I was "arrogant". I will stand by my statement that all you reality-TV-types watch too much TV, against which you never made any sustantive point except to say that I was "arrogant" for saying so. Finally, if we can't make jokes that have any potential of offending anyone on any bad day, we're screwed, which you never addressed at all except to call me "arrogant." If sticking to an opinion in the face of unsupported disapproval from you is "arrogant", well, I'll take it, I guess.

(And now, since neither of us would ever willingly let the other have the last word, but just out of self-preservation and a wish to actually go home, I will not post any more, allowing you the final word, so you can say whatever you want to say, free of fear that I will be arrogant to you. )

Food and allergies
 

Nah, my pen knife got confiscated at the airport.

whoa
 

At least you recognize it.

whoa
 

So you lied about that going home thing.
In your defense, I was thinking the same thing as you were typing. You just got there first. And I thought it was just a play on words. "my world" "choice"

And then it all escalated to this.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

53% for me, too. One of the purest people here. You all already knew that, right?

My question for you is, not knowing what this means, how did you answer?

Tofu blech
 

I remember being quite drunk and just wanting to go to sleep, realizing I'd ended up with a dud. He was on "J" or something and I said "you'd better get to z soon or I'm going to pass out". I think I kind of hurt his feelings and felt bad, but WTF - it was late and sleep sounded better and better.

Tofu blech
 

Yes, but you are an eyelicking sex freak.*




*I heart purity test score day!

Tofu blech
 

I guess you never learned cursive.

whoa
 

Thanks.

(But it was just sitting there. I couldn't leave it. I am incapable of that. But now I'm leaving. Really.)

Tofu blech
 

Now I full-on love you.

Tofu blech
 

Sounds about right.

Glad I learned my lesson and moved on to Roman numerals...

I also dropped one point from last year. I don't remember doing anything new since the last test. Maybe it was the additional sex partners:


You are 20% Pure!
(Very interesting.)

Here's how the REST of the world breaks down, compared to you:

people less pure than you (2%)
people like you (0%)
people more pure than you (98%)


edited to fix typo

Tofu blech
 

I made the same assumptions. I have been with men who are amazing at oral but I still prefered to fuck them.

If you have a well endowed man who knows how to use what he has, sex is always amazing.

Finally. I knew that there was no way I was the least pure on the FB. Thank you.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. Or, like my friend Big Ed said to me after I renegotiated his contract with Fina, "Not Bob, you're the smartest lawyer in Podunkville."

"No" -- I think. So what does it mean, oh smiling cat?

numma numma numma
 

Which just goes to show my point to ncs...in the world of oral sex, just like in the practice of law, there are waaaay more people who don't know what the fuck they're doing, then ones who do.

Tofu blech
 

What she said.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

Maybe it's a punctuation thing.

Have you ever had sex, like burning?
Have you ever had sex-like burning?

satellite radio
 

What we should have been buying was XM stock. It's gone up about 400% so far this year. sigh.

I suck at stocks. The only thing I'm worse on than stocks is betting on preseason football. And everything else I bet on during my bachelor party last month. Thanks Mussina, that $275 I laid down would have come in handy this month. Same goes for you Jason Jennings, and Freddy Garcia, and Jeremy Bonderman (ok, I deserved that one).

Last year I came in third, behind Slave and Well Hung Juror. Since WHJ doesn't seem to post here, maybe I'll get the Silver this year!

Tofu blech
 

Which is why I know cursive.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

I always assumed it was a reference to a band.

I got "most improved" last year. This year, I went down by five points, which isn't much, but given how pure everyone else is, maybe it's enough to take the title two years in a row.

I did not lick the eyeball of that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
 

Answering "no" when you have know idea means you were trying to be pure, since a "yes" will clearly go the long list of the impure.

Tofu blech
 

Ditto.

edited for format

Lies, damn lies and statistics
 

Bizarre. I'm 59% pure this year, a drop of about 12 points, and this had to be one of my most boring years ever with no real changes anywhere.

C(still not gonna lick an eyeball)deuced

Purity
 

I'm 31% pure on this test; I've taken a million purity tests, but never before reported my score to this group, so this will be my benchmark.

And I answered "no" to the sex like burning question. I interpreted it as a two-parter: 1) Ever have sex? 2) Do you like burning? Since I couldn't answer yes to both, I answered no.

Batman
 

Christian Bale is the new Batman.

The movie will be directed by Christopher Nolan, so it could be really good.

http://www.msnbc.com/news/965313.asp

Purity
 

See? I knew it was a punctuation thing.