Dating Question
 

Oooh, do tell. What kind?

Dating Question
 

Hopefully something more effective than Canadian gov't dirtweed.

Dating Question: related but different
 

This all reminds me of a (single, male) friend in a similar dilemma some years ago.

This guy, a pretty good friend of the Mr.'s and mine, had a big crush on this bitch. Unrequited except to the extent she needed to lead him on to keep him interested and inflating her ego, but she was a total bitch and no one could figure out what he saw in her. Anyhow, it was his birthday, and we were all sitting around in our local bar hanging out and drinking, and he said "it's my birthday." We all said "happy birthday!" and he said "I'm feeling like a spot of dinner; [Bitch], would you like to have dinner with me to celebrate?" He clearly wanted dinner alone with the Bitch, and was clearly figuring that as a birthday boon, she'd be more likely to say yes. (Not inviting the rest of us was actually OK, since everyone knew of his unrequired crush and was aware of the way in which it had fucked his judgment, so no one took it personally.) However, the Bitch immediately said "OK, DebtSlave and Mr. Slave, you have to come too!" Well, the friend gave us that "god dammit! Don't you dare!" look, but the Mr. and I looked at each other and simultaneously thought "dude, you are so going to need us to get your back with this Bitch, and it's your birthday and the idea of this Bitch being mean to you is unacceptable, particularly in your fragile unrequited state" so we said yes.

Anyhow, we were glad we did. We managed to keep the dinner light and cheerful and kept flattering the birthday boy and talking him up in front of the Bitch, and cutting her off when she was getting nasty.

Then the bill came, and there was a missing beat. (I should note that this friend was an utterly penniless novelist who couldn't even afford to buy his own drinks and smokes, but also was too proud to accept obvious charity in terms of food. But he needed to be fed, badly, he was 6 foot 2 and weighed 135 soaking wet.) I was vaguely expecting the Bitch to snag the check, given that it was our friend's birthday and she was the one who invited us, but she didn't (of course). So I grabbed it, and announced that I was treating for his birthday. He said the obligatory "no, no, you can't" and I said "of course I can" and he said "no, no, you bought me dinner last night" (which I had), and I said "but last night wasn't your birthday," and he relented with a really heartbreaking smile that I will always remember, which said "I may be in love with a mean Bitch who just seems to enjoy humiliating me in front of God and everyone, but it is comforting to know I have friends who look out for me."

Fucking bitch not only didn't offer to chip in on his dinner, she let me pay for hers. Fucking bitch.

BR(the story seemed entertaining and vaguely applicable)C

A New Record
 

EIGHTEEN months?! Egad. That's a long time to go without peanut butter and blow.*




*Confidential to IT: don't go calling HR or Mr. Ashcroft. This is a joke, not a suggestion that I personally would be unable to go that long without either substance. In fact, I am only guessing that the latter substance would be harmful for a nursing mother to ingest, because I have only inferred from the context of posts in which the term occurred that "blow" is a nickname for an illicit substance. This inference has never been confirmed. I do not use, have never used, and will never intentionally use the substance that I believe it to be; nor will I ever combine said substance with peanut butter. OK?

James Lipton Is A Clown
 

James Lipton, as quoted in Hollywood Reporter about Cirque de Soleil's new show "Varekai":

"I knew that circus was changed forever. I knew I was seeing a revolution."

Dating Question
 

Are you fufu come back to inane us all to death?

And whether your answer is yes or no, do you think anyone wants to read the crap you just posted?

"I just love air."

"Oh, me too! It's so good for breathing!"

"Yeah, but sometimes you have to share, like in an elavator or car or something."

"I know! I just hate when people use up my air!"

Thurgreed(good god)Marshall

A New Record
 

I think the rest of the board will agree that I'm mostly right when I say that Paigow has a very good point and you need to un-gross your posts or suffer being ignored by the rest of us.

A New Record
 

I looked (Hello, IT Dept!) Sadly, it seemed that many of these women should have tried a good old diet before going under the knife.

Shocked! shocked, I say
 

It doesn't seem to say anything about flirting with non-colleagues.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...et_im_col_dc_2

Forget Work, IM Is for Scheming, Flirting, Gossip
Mon Sep 15, 1:17 PM ET Add Technology - Reuters to My Yahoo!


By Bernhard Warner, European Internet Correspondent

LONDON (Reuters) - Flirting with colleagues, scheming against the boss and gossiping about co-workers are among the most common Instant Messenger, or IM, missives circulating around the office, according to a new survey on Monday.

A New Record
 

Please let this be true. Please oh please.

Sleep positions
 

The beds were small as hell. Couldn't help but touch whoever you were sleeping with.

TM

A New Record
 

ANd then my brain froze.

Eighteen fucking months?!?! Is there anyone out there that really does this? It's my personal opinion that a child who can climb up on my lap, unbutton my shirt, remove my breast from said shirt and help herself to a little suckle is simply too old to be nursing. Likewise, any child who can ask to be nursed whether the asking be "BooBoo?" or "Mother, please, may I nurse now?" is too old too...

No way I'm going 18 fucking months....even if it would make my boobies smaller.

A New Record
 

That's what I thought when Queen Latifah had hers done, but she looks good. And she says she feels great. And that's the last comment on this since we had this discussion a couple of weeks ago and beat that dead horse flat.

Bennifer update
 

And because I can't help it now that I've chosen a stupid obnoxious avatar....

Sept. 16 — Don’t give up on Bennifer, cautions the man who directed the couple when they were supposedly falling in love. Kevin Smith, who has discussed the “great chemistry” the couple has in his forthcoming film “Jersey Girl,” says he’s still giving J. Lo and Ben Affleck their wedding presents. He’s also advising his fans not to believe the reports the couple has already split.
“WEDNESDAY NIGHT, I was up at their place, watching ‘Dirty Pretty Things’ (they’ve got a sweet-*** 35mm theater in their house) and they looked and sounded pretty far from broken up to me. And mind you, that was the day they called off the wedding,” Smith writes on his Web site. “I’m still giving them their wedding gifts. The s**t I got them both is too cool not to give ‘em just because they’re not getting married TODAY (not to mention, the gifts are unreturnable).”
Meanwhile, J. Lo’s sister, Linda Lopez, says she has no hard feelings towards Affleck, although it reportedly was Affleck who put the brakes on the wedding.
Linda, a correspondent for an L.A. TV station, speaking on the Howard Stern show yesterday and said she had “no problem” with her would-be-brother-in-law.

You are feeling verrrrrrry sleeeeepyyyyy . . .
 

I can fall asleep on my side in I think basically log, though my legs are a little bent because if everything were straight I'd topple over onto my back or my side.

I almost always wake up in freefall though. And if I'm having trouble getting to sleep, lying on my stomach helps.

If I wake up on my back (soldier), which I do occasionally but not lately, I'm nearly always in the middle of a nightmare. But not usually with a war theme or anything.

One week when I was particularly swollen and tender for some reason I wore a sportsbra all the time except in the shower because it minimized the "hurts to move" problem I was having.

Edited to say that like Thurgreed, I generally don't like being touched when trying to sleep although I can tolerate it if quite drunk, which came in handy during college. This has resulted in a fair amount of leaving in the middle of the night/kicking someone out in the middle of the night behavior. The touching thing, and the fact that I'm antisocially psycho.

Bennifer update
 

You could always change your avatar. It's pretty easy.

Sleep positions
 

You were touching people that Shape Shifter was sleeping with? The prude in me is appalled.
Was it the 3 of you then?

A New Record
 

At eighteen fucking months, YOU are the solid food.

A New Record
 

That wasn't a kid. That was leagle.

TM

Sleep positions
 

He lived at home and slept with his momma. There was NO way to get untouched in her bed.

Edited to say that it was just about time someone made a TM's momma joke.

You are feeling verrrrrrry sleeeeepyyyyy . . .
 

I seem to dream when I sleep on my back too. But good dreams. And I think I do a bent leg starfish kind of thing, not really a soldier.

And I agree with TM about not touching while sleeping. When I moved in with my boyfriend in the dark ages we shared a twin bed. (a twin bed - was I insane?) Now I cannot even sleep in a queen size comfortably - it must be king.

Bennifer update
 

Yes but there was all that bitching about past avatars and references to gayness and anttwats etc.

A New Record
 

HERESEY! Nursing is appropriate from cradle to grave.

Sleep positions
 

I had forgotten about this. It seems impossible to me now that in college I pretty routinely slept two people to an extra long twin bed. On an upper bunk bed. I know I was thinner then, but not that much thinner. It's incredible the things your hormones will allow you to put up with.

You are feeling verrrrrrry sleeeeepyyyyy . . .
 

Me too! If my husband and I, when traveling, can only get a hotel room with 2 doubles, we rearrange the furniture and push them together to make a giant super-bed.

In college, I used to always go to their place so that I could sneak out in the middle of the night once they'd fallen asleep, and retreat to the expanse of my solo bed.

Ecstacy
 

http://www.economist.com/science/dis...ory_id=2051669

[Economist article - need a subscription. In short, the Johns Hopkins team that reported that Ecstacy kills brain cells involved in dopamine uptake have retracted their study. Turns out the results were not reproduceable, and when they went to check why, they discovered that they had mistakenly been giving the "ecstacy" monkeys in their study methamphetamines instead. No word if they have therefore concluded that crystal meth may be bad for you.]

Sleep positions
 

Yeah, but the great thing about college was that after a sleepless night you could go back to bed at 8am, catch up completely on your sleep, and really not have any worries that you missed anything.

Sorry,
 

FYI, I know you're not serious but the topic came up at a recent soccer game, when one mom whipped both of her hangers out to give her 5 year old twins a milk break.

Making a kid suck your tits at 5 is incest and child molestation.

She did have nice nipples, though.

You are feeling verrrrrrry sleeeeepyyyyy . . .
 

Yep. The SO and I have a California King, which (were it the goal) would allow two folks to pretty much spin like a pinwheel without touching.

And, where it's not the goal, it permits a pretty large playing field.

Sorry,
 

There was a woman on Oprah once who nursed her kids past age 8.

That's gotta do some damage, if only from other kids beating you up on the playground for being a freak.

A New Record
 

What's gross about worshipping the female breast in all its many facets and functionalities? And speaking of gross, your moniker.

A New Record
 

{Sigh.} I've fought this fight before, and don't really feel the need to get into it again. However, I don't give much credence to the conventional parenting wisdom of people whose own mothers bottle-fed them based on medical advice that turned out to be totally fucking wrong and who now, as a result, think breastfeeding is embarassing, inconvenient, or "squicky" because they grew up in a culture that has forgotten what breasts are for. It's sad that America alone, with its supposedly progressive thinking on women, falls prey to a 1950s mentality WRT this.

As for Brazen's concern, by 18 months nursing is usually only undertaken first thing in the morning, before bedtime, or immediately after a nap. It's also a lot more efficiently done, so the inconvenience of it is absolutely nil if you're in the same room as the child.

As for the reptile's concern, my child had teeth at four months and learned pretty quickly that there was no food to be had if you bite the teat that feeds you. An 18-month-old who bites while nursing should be put down as too stupid to live.

As for RP's concern, several Grinchy in-laws are regularly seen sucking down cocktails while lactating, but I think they're too square for blow.

Duwhatchulike. I'm just saying that the weight loss benefits for the Mom are a bonus to the immune boost for the kid.

Sorry,
 

Dude, I'm as serious as a pair of bouncing baby DDs!


How about making your lover do it at 31? Criminally kinky?


Stop, you're giving me wood!

Sorry,
 

Enough.

TM

Sorry,
 

that's the kid whose babysitter turned her in for "abusive" behavior. I think we did this discussion as well. What is this, repeat day. Babysitter said that not only was she breastfeeding at little league, she was sleeping naked with him in the bed (not sexual she says) and bathing with him. And yes, he was being harassed at school cuz mom was breastfeeding at little league. She even went on to say that she didn't even think she was producing "anything" anymore, however, she said she would let him stop when he wanted to.
I think he was removed from her custody. She had a lot of issues.

A New Record
 

I see what you're saying here - it's a mammal thing, I wouldn't understand. Whatever.

A New Record
 

YOU have a problem with MY moniker you fucking freak?
What the hell?
Clean up your act.

Sorry, er, Wow, I Just learned Soething Interesting!
 

After seeing all this lactation discussion, I just did a little Google search on the subject and ran across some pretty wild photos.

The chicks in the photos are totally spraying like two feet or so! Is that fucking possible? I always thought that you had to suck the stuff out... I had no idea it could be squirted into the air like Windex? Since I have NO fucking intention of knocking my wife up any time soon as I'm still at the age where I find children and responsibility of children impossible to reconcile with my life, and therefore cannot find out for myself, I'd like to know... Is this squirting gig really possible or are these photos altered?

S(if its real, they should hold distance contests... porn like that would sell like hot-cakes...)D

A New Record
 

Referencing the genitalia of an insect in your moniker is psychotic. On the opposite hand, my act is limited to that which occurs between consenting adults. Consenting. Human. Adults.

A New Record
 

Last spring I met a woman who proudly announced to me that her son still breastfed even though he was almost 3. <<<shiver>>>