During this week of universal brouhaha, the eyes of the world have been trained --- where else? --- on the network suits at ABC, somberly awaiting their announcement of whether they will air the three taped episodes of their only hit show after the death of John Ritter, or cancel the series outright and never let those episodes see the light of day out of respect for Ritter's family (until a DVD release becomes economically advantageous).

But what does the indomitable, virtually unwatched fourth-place network do? Faced with really shitty choices, they find a third way. They announce they will turn "8 Simple Rules" into a tragedy, in which the sitcom family works its way onscreen through the unexpected death of their beloved dad. No word yet on whether they will use footage of Ritter actually collapsing on the set to add that special kind of realism.

This may very well turn out to be the Worst Decision Ever Made. Right up there with my having unprotected sex with that African monkey in 1979, or Tikhonov's decision to bench Tretiak.

Twat wit
 

I am not you, that much I know.

Twat wit
 

Penske

Theres and Thats

No doubt, he's met enough GAs not to have dreamy expectations about anyone.

Best Post. Ever.

"I was gonna use a condom, but then I thought, 'when am I ever gonna get back to Haiti?' BAD IDEA."

It's Atticus' world, I's just livin in it.

Twat wit
 

Are you calling me old?

Insanity now, Serenity later.

Twat wit
 

BZZZZZZZT. Nice try. Thanks for playing. If we're the same people, as you allege, then ain't no way.
Pick up your parting gift at the door.

Twat wit
 

You'll know nothing, and like it!

Well that's just gotta be the shittiest idea for a sitcom ever.
Let's watch people who are actually grieving, try to work through their grief. Hilarity ensues.
Ack. I feel dirty suddenly.

Twat wit
 

quote:
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Originally posted by Penske_Account
I hate your avatar, no offense. Evenodds, for extra credit, please explain to the class what an "Aunt Bee" is.
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You flunk. Go back to Remedial Paceline 101 and try not to get dropped. Again.

Twat wit
 

Here I am trying to play off your very painful insult so I wouldn't have to admit that I am always getting dropped.

Thanks, a lot.

Twat wit
 

Yes, but look at this way, when they drop you they lose the chance to ride behind you and check out your ravable ass. So who's the real loser?

It's not just a "very special episode", it's a "very special series". Wow, that's gonna suck. Should be nearly as creepy as the "Mr. Carlson from WKRP getting frisky with Arnold" episode of Diff'rent Strokes, the most creepy "very special episode" ever. It could suck worse, though...

(Excessive morbidity warning) In true "Three's Company" style, they could create some miscommunication regarding the body and have Dad's corpse flip out of the casket and do a pratfall over the couch... With Dad gone, there's no one to protect the daughters from the horde of horny teenage boys... High comedy.

I give it maybe to the end of this season on sympathy.

I give it 1 bad episode (post mortem). Critics will probably wait until second show before slamming it as a stupid idea and network will finally cancel to put on new reality show, my bachelor dog.

I've been reading for a few weeks. Didn't many of you say snuff films didn't really exist?

College Question
 

Thanks for all the suggestions, especially those about finding out why she failed those classes.

The junior year failure is easily explained. Last September she had a near fatal car crash in which she was driving. She and my nephew walked away with scrapes and bruises because they were in a van. The driver of the other car (a compact) nearly died, was in intensive care for a couple months and had to wear a "halo" neck brace for several more months. She was also a student at my niece's high school and my niece was nearly suicidal with guilt. I'm surprised she didn't have more trouble with school last year.

I'm not sure what happened her sophomore year but I know she's not lazy. I wonder if she isn't a bit ADD/ADHD and can only concentrate on things that really interest her. I should find out if the school counselor can administer the tests that might show if she has a learning disability of some kind.

Taking a year off to mature is also probably a good idea. In a lot of ways she is very young for her age.

I think that award was previously given to the "raped by a clown" episode of Little House on the Prairie.

Which is really something, considering that the show also had "very special episodes" in which (1) a chick goes blind; (2) her husband is blind, then regains his sight, then goes blind again; (3) the blind chick's baby dies in a fire at the school for the blind; (4) another dude gets hooked on morphine, (5) the family opens a restaurant; (6) that Nellie bitch marries a MOT; (7) Shannen Doherty joins the cast; and (8) Jason Bateman joins the cast. That's a whole lot of creepy very special episodes, a record that remained unsurpassed until "Punky Brewster" took that shizznit to a whole new level.

Ritter 'snuffed'?
 

atticus
Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
ABC's lineup was such a joke, no one would have bothered poisoning Ritter.

Brought to you by the dream makers -- at Disney!

The Case Against Rock and Roll Church
 

No it's not. And that's OK. Not everything has to be exciting.

Actually "rock and roll church" was my parents' church. I grew up in California and had to contend with rock music at church services, including frequent use of mandolins and songs from "Godspell" and "Jesus Christ Superstar." It sucks. All of it sucks. Allow me to explain.

Western Culture began with the Christian church. This isn't a Catholic versus Protestant thing. Both sides of the schism contributed. Classical music began with Gregorian chant and reached an apex with Bach et. al. The greatest composers in human history wrote pieces for the liturgy. That we would now substitute Andrew Lloyd Webster for them is a travesty more blasphemous than filming The World's Biggest Italian Gangbang in the Vatican.

Let's not forget the second great Western musical tradition. You like hip hop, rock 'n roll, soul, R&B, or jazz? Well they're all indebted to gospel. From Sam Cooke to James Brown to Aretha Franklin, they learned to sing in church. Not "rock and roll church." Church.

If you're bored with your mainline whitebread church, get yourself to a black church. Could be a black Baptist church, could be a black Catholic church. You won't be bored at a black church service. You could even get paid for it. Either tradition has power and grandeur. Those are fine substitutes for interpretive dance and "excitement."

edited to add link

College Question
 

Fugee, since I excoriated your "rock and roll" church, I feel the need to provide some positive advice to your niece.

The best thing she can do to ensure she gets into a top college is to ace the SAT I and II. It doesn't sound like her parents are pushing her, and if she's not reading those test-prep books, she's not going to get her highest possible score.

I'd tell her to take Kaplan or Princeton Review (Full Disclosure: I taught that stuff right before/during law school until the 2L summer checks arrived), but you only see big increases if you study out of class. She doesn't sound motivated enough to do that.

Here's my best suggestion: find someone in her chosen profession to spend half an hour with her. Have them tell her (1) what they had to do to get there, (2) what life is like for them now. That will either (1) drive her to succeed, or (2) drive her off the high-pressure professional track for good.

One of the benefits of going to a state school is that you get to see all of the people who wanted to be veterinarians change their majors after first semester because they discover how hard college-level biology can be and they hear about what students do in their first vet lab session.

I assume you've eliminated the "Love Boat" from this competition, perhaps as having emeritis status? Doc romances alone could beat your Little House list.

You just can't make this stuff up
 

For all of you who appreciate irony, a followup on the Amish Tomato Massacre.

Suspect was friend of family. He used to take the victim out target shooting. He was arrested after leaving the hospital where he was treated after suffering a heart attack days after the incident.

Link to story below.

http://www.cleveland.com/newsflash/n...newsflash-ohio

sf

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

Did anyone watch this Diane Sawyer thing last night? Why was the Fonz on it so much? He was just guest-starring on the show. Is Henry hoping that they do one for him when he slips the mortal coil? I think he better find himself a better rebound vehicle than producing Hollywood Squares. And the blonde looked awful. Is Tammy Faye the way that you mourn?

I thought that Suzanne Sommers HATED Ritter for not supporting her during the 3s Company blowout [hey, I watched the E! Behind the Scenes Special] Now suddenly she says they "made up" a few months ago???? They were going to "do a project together." Yeah right.

I don't recall this much hooplah for Redd Foxx when he bought the ticket during his return tv show (something like the Royals? don't remember). And what about Freddie Prinz (Prince? Prinze?) I don't remember the cast members sitting around waxxing nostalgic about him after he blew his brains out.

Finally, what about the best dad who died in a series ever??? Dolph Sweet??????? Did Chief Kanisky die in the middle of that classic sit-com? No big whoop-de-doo for him.

oh well. I'll probably watch that 8 simple rules show now just to seek what a disaster it will be.

aV

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

I missed the show, but a few comments. The Fonz was cool. Diane Sawyer is not cool. The Fonz was probably trying to help Diane with her coolness factor. Either that, or he wanted to show he wasn't dead and was available to work.

I don't think the Suzanne Sommers thing was bullshit, except maybe the comment about doing a project together. I seem to recall an interview sometime last year with her about the time of the Three's Company behind the scenes movie that they were promoting where she said that after a number of years where they didn't speak, Ritter contacted her when she was fighting cancer and kind of patched things up.

As far as Redd Foxx and Freddie Prinze, I seem to recall quite a bit of reminiscing by co-stars, tributes, etc., after they died. The shelf life on this type of thing is fairly short. Hell, even Bob Hope's tributes lasted less than a week and he had a much longer career run than the people you mention. Though that might be explained more readily by the fact that most of Hope's contemporaries were already dead.

As far as that other guy goes, I have no idea who you're talking about, so apparently there was no big whoop-ti-do for him.

My vote for biggest loss to a show in terms of an actor's death was the death of the much beloved Nicholas Colesanto who played Coach on Cheers.

sf

Allergies
 

Suddenly, I see you in a whole different light.

And I am shocked that you look a whole lot better now.

{Ducking head in shame.} I think I might even find you attractive...

A Sad Day for Str8 and Manfred
 

Lap Dancing has been outlawed in LA.

"Los Angeles City Council passed a measure requiring dancers to stay at least 6 feet away from customers, thus ending lap dancing in the city.

The ordinance, passed unanimously despite stiff opposition from strippers and adult club owners who fear for their livelihood, banned lap dancing and any other kind of bodily contact between dancers and customers in strip clubs, bikini bars and adult bookstores."

Also, they are stationing state-licensed security guards to be on duty at all times.

Text: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp..._lapdancing_dc

Two thoughts:

1. Like everything else, it certainly won't affect the high dollar patrons who already have their underground private clubs.

2. Those security guards will be making a fortune from their under the table payments.

Actually, this is a pretty obvious move. Soon after the news of Ritter's death broke I wondered aloud to the baltspouse whether ABC would pull an "Eight is Enough." As those of you who saw the E! True Hollywood Story will recall, the original mother in that dramedy died about two months into taping and they turned it into a more or less straight drama for a while, slowly moving it back to the dramedy median. The death and on-screen plot-line was ratings gold.

I'm not saying it's tasteful; it's just not unprecedented

A Sad Day for Str8 and Manfred
 

Damn, that's a complete buzzkill. Glad to see the politicians are interested in important issues like this and not bothering with trivial issues like job creation, crime prevention and the budget crisis.

Not to mention patrons.

s(that was too damn easy)f

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

Second! I was thinking about his death in light of the current ABC dilemma. Obviously it was a little easier to deal with his death and move on for Cheers because he wasn't the "star" of the show. Just the funniest part of it... Woody turned out okay, but no one can replace Coach.

Things I would not like to read today
 

1) stuff about breastfeeding (go to LIK)
2) stuff about periods
3) stuff about allergies

I would also like to make a new rule. Jokes incorporating infamous Clinton jokes are very 1998. It is 2003. Get some new material. And dont get it from Chandler Bing

but thanks for playing.

A Sad Day for Str8 and Manfred
 

Our country is soooo fucking backward. This "ban" will do nothing but encourage more clubs to have more better hidden back rooms where patrons who paid for blow jobs and hand jobs in the past will continue to do so in greater privacy. All this silly new rule does is make things less interesting for the drunk guys at bachelor parties who want to have a laugh watching their friends be grinded by a naked chick. Way to prohibit a silly harmless tradition, LA.

Policing morality always renders comical results.

S(still haven't heard a viable logical argument for why prostitution is illegal)D

bb4 non-spoiler
 

frome realityblurred -

The two female Big Brother 4 finalists were observed "making racial remarks and verbally attacking another player's young daughter on the live 24/7 Internet feeds," Jam! Showbiz's John Powell reports. Talking about a present that Robert, the third finalist, made for his daughter, Jun said, "I'm sorry that bitch can forget about that fucking butterfly. I'll tear that shit apart." Then Jun said that Robert's "father should've stayed in Cuba. His family is like...No speaky English," pledging with Alison "to send Robert 'back on a boat to Cuba.'" Alison has previously called Robert a "Cuban faggot," but as Powell notes, "CBS has not aired any of Jun or Alison's past off-colour remarks." One of the three will be voted out tonight.


Also realityblurred reports that Sorority Life/Fraternity Life are about to start airing (this is the season that was filmed at USC/Santa Cruz and the fraternity involved has been kicked out of the greek system at Santa Cruz for killing and eating the school's big old koi (a fish) and 2 pledges are facing criminal charges.

I guess Cupid ended last night for those who have been following it. Never watched, but the ending sounded kind of interesting. Discuss.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Yes, but what is "is"?

The Case Against Rock and Roll Church
 

Concur.


I've been to the former. While I'm sure that the latter exists, I've never encountered one, and never really considered their existence. Where would one find a black Catholic church, anyway?

Things I would not like to read today
 

Paigs,

With all due respect, why do you think anyone gives a flying fuck what you'd prefer not to read about? Also, I've been prone to egomania at times, but in what state of megalomania does one come to the conclusion that the boards would give a shit about who is and who isn't on any one poster's ignore list? It seems to me that by advising the world of who's on one's ignore list, the ignorer defeats the very purpose of the ignore feature, which is to discreetly be able to avoid reading certain people's posts. By inciting discussion of the posts/poster one seeks to avoid, the ignorer perpetuates the offending discussion. This leads to the unavoidable conclusion that the ignorer is not really interested in ignoring anyone, but instead trying to focus the conversation on who or what the ignorer is ignoring. Ironically, that's a very dull topic which should be ignored.

S(so today's discussion will be what? hairy nipples?... just kidding)D

Things I would not like to read today
 

You know what? Breastfeeding has made me allergic to my period!

And could Clinton's penis have been any more in that intern's mouth?

Things I would not like to read today
 

Apparently so. Then none would have ended up on her dress.

bb4 non-spoiler
 

THese are the most odious people I have ever seen on a reality show. and they just get worse. i am actually starting to think that Robert may be the most sympathetic character bc he apologized for his unbelievably offensive comments. Rather than ake the high road, Jun and Allison get just as nasty? Allison is clearly from a town that only has black and white people and she couldnt be more provincial. Jun has got to be one of the most self-loathing minorities ever. The twinkie thing, the "me no speaky englihs" and "get on a boat"? copying shit she obviously heard about herself growing up. and her rampant materialism is sickeining. Its like she equates being American with Tiffany's boxes and Manolos. Throwing your money out on this stuff makes you more American? Jun, turn off the sex and the city, go to a shrink and put down the french fries.

god I hate these people. but just like with bennifer, i can say to myself, it will be over soon.

When I read that, I remembered the episode and then realized I'd been suppressing it quite successfully for years.

When I wake up repeatedly from nightmares (on my back, of course) I will be calling you.