The Case Against Rock and Roll Church
 

Fugee/Manfred,

Any "ceremony", be it a graduation, a wedding, a funeral, etc... bores me to tears. I don not like anything (other than a movie or music) which requires me to be quiet and sit patiently for more than 45 minutes. That's my rule - anyone is free to bore me for 45 minutes, but after that, I'm gone. And being a Deist, I don't feel I need to be in any Church/Synagogue/Mosque to connect with the allmighty. Frankly, the five bucks I give to the guy begging on the way to the work every now and again is probably a lot more productive and spiritually healthy than listening to a pile of tired old hymms and watching the pious masquearade about in their Sunday finest.

Life's short. I could get hit by a bus today. Why would I want to waste 45 min of non-work time being bored. If I ain't making some money, enjoying myself or helping others doing something, there's no reason to do it. Ceremonies seem to be stage shows for the common man. I say only those who can entertain should hold the stage. The common man is in the audience for a reason.

S(If I ain't stimulated somehow, it ain't worth my time)D

Things I would not like to read today
 

If only she had been lactating, she could have squirted him back on his blue suit.

And now it's time
 

I can't believe that I missed all of this. I finally get elevated to a somewhat PLiFfy level and have a freaking sock of my very own and I miss it. I kept wondering why I had a thrilling little tickle in my tummy around this time last night -- it was the FB collectively thinking of me. Oh, swoon. I love you all, too. Okay, not all, but I don't hate any of you -- because to hate would be to presume that I care enough to have a feeling and for some, well, that just don't happen. You like me, you really, really like me.

Carry on. Pre-season hockey starts tomorrow -- YAY!

Allergies
 

Hey -- Get in line, sister. Those of us who have long been captivated by Atticus's particular brand of magic* do NOT take lightly any manner of effort to encroach upon our territory (restraining order notwithstanding). You've been warned (and I know karate!).




*OK, so maybe it's just me, but still.... wear it proud! No head-hanging necessary.

And now it's time
 

I spy a green-eyed monster.

Things I would not like to read today
 

With all due respect, why do you think I give a shit about what others think? This is shit I dont want to read, and I am expressing it. If you dont like it, feel free to put me on ignore. THats why its there. So make me laugh or shut the fuck up.

Wind Speeds
 

I don't get it.

TM

Wind Speeds
 

Ha.

Hey, I hear now is an excellent time to take a vacation on the Outer Banks. You and Burger should do a roadtrip.

Things I would not like to read today
 

You know, I would ignore Paigow myself, if it weren't for posts just like this. It's sort of like watching the head cheerleader from high school get fat, pregnant, addicted to qualudes, and live in a trailer in the year or two after graduation.

A part of you wants to feel pity for her, a part of you has this "I can't look away from the bloody freeway accident" curiosity, a part of you feels its so justified, and a part of you just laughs and laughs.

Was Paigow just a schoolyard bully or did years of having her Big Wheel swiped by kids bigger than her turn her into the grown-up equivalant? Enquiring minds don't really give a shit, but I thought I'd put it out there.

Best Thurgreed Impression
 

It's a good thing we have avatars, or I would have misattributed this.

Things I would not like to read today
 

That's my line, dear. And you haven't been living up to it.

S(And it strains credulity to suggest that you don't care what people think - otherwise you wouldn't put yourself on such prominent disply... now, bag the reality shit and post something stimulating)D

Things I would not like to read today
 

Hi, I'm Chandler. Could I BE wearing anymore clothes?

Things I would not like to read today
 

You know, picking on Paigow for dullness is unfair. This whole board's been dull as hell. Even a flame war would be better than the perpetual discussions of banal dating dilemnas and reality television, peppered with a clever Atticus post every now and again. And I'm a chief offender here - when I'm bored, I default to vitriolic rants. Please... someone, please, post something, anything titilating... something about thongs, wierd sex stories, bad hookups, some truly wierd story from the net... anything...

S(I might have to go back to posting news stories about finding Jimmy Hoffa's head in a tuna off New Jersey or Chinese farmers breeding St. Bernards for food if things get any lower...)D

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

I vote for that chain-smoking old biddy who played a bailiff on Night Court. I am catching up and hoping that nobody has voted for this one already.

Wind Speeds
 

Sex joke? When it actually happens, it's a anecdote.

TM

And now it's time
 

Interesting. Shouldn't you still be lurking then?

TM

When are you gonna die?
 

I found this troubling.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atplay/lifeline.jsp

ADMIN ALERT
 

Other than the head cheerleader part, this seems dangerously close to blatantly outable. You may want to delete it.

Things I would not like to read today
 

This smidge of self-awareness is a saving grace. As long as we're looking to improve, could you please delete your macros for the "life is short" rant, the "why I'm not having kids now" rant, the "being a laywer sucks" rant, and the "[overweight people] sicken me with their excuses" rant?

As for me, I'm working on making my life more exciting. I promise to share any perverted stories that come my way. (I have this "friend" ...)

And now it's time
 

did my lurking time. never claimed to be really freaking funny. that way I don't disappoint like those boasters among us.

When are you gonna die?
 

Did you look into this beyond just taking the test? There is a more information section which adds and subtracts years of life based upon other factors not covered in the questions, so I'm not sure how the program comes up with the number it does based upon the few questions it does ask. Relax. You're going to give yourself a heart attack.

For the record, I'm not supposed to break 80 (79) based on a few obvious bad habits.

s(get busy livin' or get busy dyin')fish

When are you gonna die?
 

it lies. no way I'm living to fucking 84.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Ok, just for you - this is one I pull out of the bank now and then because I think it is sort of funny and does not out me - I am afraid the best ones are kind of outable.

I used to walk to work past this store every day (this was when I was a waitress). One day, this guy (cute) came out of the store and said something like "you walk by here every day and I don't know who you are - we are having a bbq on Sunday, do you want to come by?" And I said no, but give me your number and come into my work sometime. This was when I was living with my boyfriend and I knew it was going to be over soon and was planning for the single life by collecting numbers (I was 19, sue me).

So six months later I called him. By then I had broken up with my boyfriend and moved out (with twin bed in tow, which by now, I desparately wanted to get rid of). We went out, got drunk and ended up at my place in the twin bed. It was kind of ho-hum, but anyway - I got up to get a drink of water or something and wander about, wondering whether he is going to stay over or not. I wander back to the bedroom and my bed is on fucking fire. On fire!! With him in it. So I grab this big saucepan and fill it with water, panicking sort of, and throw it on him. The fire still doesn't go out so I grab another big bucket and throw it on the bed, and another. And the fire goes out. I had no smoke detector at the time. (bad me).

Anyway, miraculously, he is not burned (except for some tiny burn on his leg), but my bed is ruined and it stinks to high heaven. I tell him that I think he should leave. So he does and I end up getting rid of that stupid bed and everything is fine.

But about three years later, I am working in a totally different place, part time now b/c I am in school, but who should walk in. And he sits down and I say "hello, how are you" knowing full well who it is, Mr. Pyro. And he doesn't fucking recognize me. I ask him if he has set any beds on fire lately and he looks at me with such a blank look that it is hard to believe he is acting. I think he had no idea who I was. Weird.

When are you gonna die?
 

That is fascinating.

I got 90.

Edited to add: the OM 82.

When are you gonna die?
 

From one of the best movies in the last 10 years (one of the few I actually own on DVD).

Another favorite that just popped into my head (but not from that movie):

Kid (feeling remorse after shooting dude who was taking a crap): "But he had it comin'!"

William Munny: Sigh. "We all have it comin' kid."

When are you gonna die?
 

I'll kill myself before I get to be the predicted 89. And my husband will only live to be 72. What kind of shit is that? No way am I spending my 80's alone...when he goes, I'm going too.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Moral: Sex with GWINKY makes men want to immolate themselves. :P

sf

Joey Pants -- YAY
 

Our long national suffering may at least be over. Joe Pantoliano could be headed for an Emmy Award on Sunday night.

"Joey Pants," as he is affectionately known, is up for Best Supporting Actor as Ralphie, the hot-headed, now no-headed sleazy mobster from "The Sopranos." God bless him.

Joey first came to national attention in 1983 as Rebecca DeMornay's pimp in "Risky Business." A huge career as a character actor followed, with memorable turns in "Memento" and "Bound."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,97531,00.html

The Case Against Rock and Roll Church
 

I think from now on, the way to go is to respond to religious ceremony invites with a "oh, I'm so sorry, I'm already booked that day!" and a nice gift from Tiffany's.

I suggest this because I was at a wedding last weekend where I almost punched the stupid priest (and the stupid self-hating bride) for saying that St Paul shit where the wife has to submit to her husband as to God, and the husband just has to love her like God does his flock. Misogynist impotent little-boy-baiting fuck.

Things I would not like to read today
 

Things I would not like to read today
 

I assume he had been smoking in bed, no?

Some folks are very wierd in their recollections. I was at a wedding a few weeks ago where some guy told my wife's friend that he had sex with her during high school within earshot of a group of us. The friend politely said "No, we had a 69, but never intercourse", which of course made the group of us standing nearby listen more intently. The guy (who was a total tool) insisted they had had sex and the friend got pissed. Eventually, the two started arguing. The friend is not liar, not did she drink a lot in high school, so here recollection of who she fucked was crystalline, yet this cat would not relent, and in fact rambled on about details of thier alleged sex. I believe some people have amazing abilities in regard to altering their past in their own heads, and I'll bet the guy who burned your bed did exactly that. Its a really scary power of the mind, but it sounds like in your situation, it worked to your advantage, since the sex wasn't memorable anyway...

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

I'm violating my "scroll, then post" rule, so it may have been mentioned, but I gotta say that News Radio was never the same after Phil Hartman died. The Simpsons, however, managed to pull themselves together and move on.

Band camp and Little House on the Prarie? I think I kicked your ass at least once in junior high, after you stopped coming to gym because you took one to the head during dodgeball.

TM

When are you gonna die? Unforgiven... Best Western of All Time
 

Bill: "You be William Munny out of Missouri... killed women and children."

Munny: "That's right, I've killed women and children, killed just about everything that walks or crawls at one time or another, and I'm here to kill you Little Bill, for what you did to Ned."

. . . .

Bill: "I don't deserve this... to die like this... I was building a home."

Munny: "Desrves got nothin to do with it (pulls trigger)"

. . .

Munny: "You better clear away from there."

(Shoots saloon owner)

Bill: "Well Sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch... you just shot an unarmed man."

Munny: "Well, he should've armed himself is he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend."

I have the last ten min of that flick saved permanently on TIVO. Greatest movie ending in history.

S("Any man takes a shot at me, I'm gonna kill him, not only kill him, I'm going to kill his wife and kids and all his friends... burn his damn house down...")D

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

Good one, but I must disagree on one point. The Simpsons loss of Lionel Hutz, Mall Attorney was far from recoverable.

sf

A Very Special John Ritter . . . Special
 

I haven't been the same since Phil Hartman died.

Is A&E going to put Newsradio back on or what?

DEBATE camp not band camp. He was neither athletic nor musical and no doubt his short dork belligerence issues made some pitying teacher think that at least he could perhaps interact with others at DEBATE camp. It was a pathetic, last-ditch and ultimately hopeless attempt to socialize him.

Best Thurgreed Impression
 

Are you crazy?














There's no way I would have said, "With all due respect."

TM

When are you gonna die?
 

Odd, it told me I died last year.



Actually, it said I would live to 79. I call bullshit.

Ha, that reminds of the time I had to kick your ass when you broke away from your viewing of Small Wonder to interrupt me and your mamma just because you had wet your pants. Again.