Somebody hire this guy
 

Right here we know he's insane or lying. Or both. But my favorite part...
He must have gotten a really good discount at Gap for working there so long.

C(perhaps he should see if John Grisham needs a new research assistant)deuced

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

I live in Virginia. Does that answer your question?

I'm not even going to be rude and ask why your ex-gf needed so much help getting off.....

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Apparently you were "replaced"

Are batteries included in those parties or does everyone have to gather around the sockets in the house?

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Um, I used them on her.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

I think you mean "with" not "on."

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

So as "holder of the device" you made yourself expendible and obsolete. Apparently she figured out how to hold her own device. Much more efficiency in that plan.
You are supposed to market yourself as "owner of the device" just a thought for next time. Or when you're with Paigow.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

ANTTWAT, I speak as a friend when I offer you a little advice. If you are going to be a Thrasher Tribute Sock, you should not be a constant presence on the board. Choose your times to appear well.

Look at me. I made my appearance, spent some time both poking fun at and paying homage to that robust one (two?) to whom I am a tribute, and went away. I will reappear now and then when the robust one needs or deserves a bit of attention, but have no intention of getting into extended Tupperware debates.

ANTTWAT, you're a fine Tribute Sock. We respect the work you're doing in spreading the ANTTWAT acronym and generally paying Tribute to Thrasher. But an all purpose, fully developed personality you're not. PLEASE, take my advice.

See you in the sock drawer.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

yes

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

But Gepetto, I'm not a puppet.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

But I also think that they way people phrase things is frequently a reflection of how they really perceive it.

No wonder she left.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Will you lend me one?

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Alright. I deserved that.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Ladies, ladies, ladies...

Granted you can't try them out online, but as I posted last night, Adult DVD Empire.com is currently giving away a free vibrator with toy purchase. Now if we can just get a sponsored link to those guys... $$$$$$$

Also, FWIW, while reading this discussion a local talk station was having a discussion of a website which has 55 different sizes of condoms, and has a printable measuring tool which will find the right size for any guy... Funny because the exact sizes are coded with a letter/number combination so as to not be obviously tiny or huge. In terms of general sizing, apparently for self-esteem issues the smallest is "long" and "wide". Sort of like Starbucks, but you don't wanna be drinking out of it...

A very suitable post 300 for me, I might add.

Somebody hire this guy
 

Bless your heart for deleting the poor guy's name.

You are kinder than I was, when I forwarded it to about 20 people at different firms all across the country. I even left in the forwarding comments from the recruiting coordinators of a number of firms.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Um.......don't you have a "built-in" device?

WTF?
 

I didn't actually ask him that. I considered it because I know him pretty well but because I don't know him really well I wasn't sure if he'd get that I was teasing that his church doesn't fit the stereotype of what a black church is.

What he did say is that he heard me singing and almost called me up to do a number. That struck enough terror in my heart to not make any jokes about the congregation's singing.

Speaking of cracks about Scandinavian Lutherans, a speaker at a multi-denominational event here last month asked how many in the audience were Lutheran. A number of people raised their hands. The speaker said "See, you can get your hands above your head." Ba dum bum.

Somebody hire this guy
 

I wanna see the snarky comments!

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

As much as I've tried, I can't get it to vibrate that quickly.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Not one that can simultaneously be inserted sufficiently and provide vibration to the relevant area(s).

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

I thought he was calling you a tool, but I may have simply been reading a joke into it.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Try using more crank. Worked for me.

L.L. Cool A.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Wasn't there a bad movie in which Gary Shandling played an alien who came to earth to father a child and his penis vibrated? Shape Shifter, do you have any insight into this?

I think Annette Bening might have been in it too.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

What Planet Are You From?

Earthgirls Are Easy it Ain't.

Somebody hire this guy
 

I'll type in the best of all:

"I am somewhat concerned at the quality of associates we are bringing back for second interviews from the on-campus process. In general, students today seem to lack the drive, endurance and passion for the law that we should aspire to find in our summer clerks. In contrast, this exceptional candidate sets a fine example of such qualities, and as you will note below, firms such as Shearman, Chadbourne, Crevath [sic], and White & Case are all competing fiercely for his participation in their summer programs. If we consider our firm a player in this market, I think we're compelled to compete for this level of talent. Please let me know when I can call him for a second interview."

Somebody hire this guy
 

Are we certain this was not meant in an, um, (dare I say it?) ironic sense? {{shudder}}

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Look, can we move this to the "Gadgets" board. I want to get back to talking about organizers.

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

It's like fishing. You gotta throw the little ones back. It's just too easy to land 'em; it wouldn't be sporting.

Monsieur Assclam

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Monsieur Assclam,

Do you proof the tax memos as closely as your own tag lines?

Somebody hire this guy
 

Please confirm that you are being ironic about a possible lack of irony in that comment.

I am so pleased that Silly Summer Season decided to run long this year.

Weirdo Job Applicant
 

Why can't we have other comments? Like barely, I want to see what people said!

Weirdo Job Applicant
 

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Rabbits and magic wands and waterdancers, oh my!
 

Excellent. Creepy and responsive at the same time -- well done.

As for the substance, we can only hope that Atticus follows your advice. E-mail correspondence with 13-year-old girls can't lead to anything but trouble. Plus, he wouldn't last a day in prison -- the marriage etiquette there is nonexistent.

CDF (the invitation to "kneel, bitch" won't be engraved, for starters)

Things I would not like to read today
 

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?

It depends. What's your kindling point?

Life without Dick
 

Grasso resigns.msn reports

Actually, I'm surprised he didn't resign immediately after extracting $140M from the NYSE.

But more seriously, a CEO can't make the Board look the fool without expecting to be shitcanned.

Additional Note to Burger
 

When you are wandering about the city and suburbs tomorrow, if you see any downed power lines in front of you, you should (get out of the car, if applicable) and pick them up and move them out of the way. Really. You might also want to keep at least one hand in contact with a metal part of the outside of the car in case one of the lines happens to fall and touch your car. Then maybe you can catch it on the way down, or something.

Edited to say (a) the new signature line is not related to this post and I'm kind of regretting my timing on that and (b) I am SO GLAD I remembered to tell Burger this -- I thought of it last night and nearly let the day slip by without communicating it. Phew!

Edited again to say that if you are driving along or walking along and the road seems to be covered with water, don't sweat it. Even if you have a vague memory that there used to be curbs and sidewalks on the sides of the road but you don't see them now, and up ahead the road seems to stretch from the middle of the yard of the house on one side to the middle of the yard of the house on the other side. Just drive/walk on through/along. You'll be fine. This is an ideal time to grasp power lines as well.

If people want to forward me comments about this most interesting cover letter, I'd be happy to redact information as needed, mix them up, and provide a sample.

If you want send them to info@lawtalkers.com

L

Life without Dick
 

You left out the tidbit that Larry Sonsini was asked to serve as the interim chairman of the NYSE. I think that's pretty interesting in and of itself.

Life without Dick
 

Originally posted by ias_39

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint

And Californians claim not to have an inferiority complex.

A Pro Pos of nothing
 

Hey Flinty, did you catch the shout-out to your favorite band, Death Cab for Cutie, on "The OC" last night?

I vote for OC as the best show of all time. And the worst show of all time. I can't believe it's going to be a month until the next new episode. Fuckity fuck fuck. Or as Summer would say, "Eww."

Best line of last night: Sandy to Seth (about Summer): "She's hot STUFF son!" That whole exchange, with the anime and whatnot, was genius. McG is doing a bang-up job EP-ing that bad boy.

str("eww")8

A Pro Pos of nothing
 

I love the OC. Doug Liman deserves a shout-out, too. Excellent show.