Office Stench
 

And how the fuck in the modern-age which includes the "popcorn" button can people still burn their microwave popcorn? This dumbass in my office does it every time -- apparently she likes to set her own time rather than use the fucking "popcorn" button. I hate the smell of micro popcorn but figure that people have a right to eat (bastards!) so I let it slide -- but burning the stuff is too much because it means that you are a total shitbrain.

edited to add that although I don't drink the stuff I love the smell of coffee brewing. Unfortunately, we recently got a Flavia machine where people select their flavor and brew by the cup and the smell doesn't carry like a full pot does -- I miss the coffee smell.

Worst Passengers
 

I have sat next to the cuticle cutting, polish changing woman. I wanted to punch her.

I barely avoided the worst passenger ever -- a drunk guy who offered to switch seats with my boyfriend, who was sitting a row in front, so that we could sit together. He then spent the entire flight hitting on the woman next to him. Her husband, next to her, showed more self-restraint than I thought humanly possible because he didn't punch the guy repeatedly.

I was seated next to a Fox news correspondent on a long flight from DC to Texas. He explained his open relationship with his girlfriend ("she's your age, you know"), so I parried with "Tales of the OddMan." This was interesting enough to the reporter buried deep within him that he then interrogated me for three hours about the life of an interracial couple. At the end, he reminded me that he had an open relationship and that they routinely invited attractive women into their world.

I was so thrilled when the plane landed and the OM was there, sweating and menacing, straight from jui jitsu.

Airplane Cabin as Torture Chamber
 

Plus, it traumatizes the fish. And the owner of the fish. Especially if the fish was put in the microwave in a misguided attempt to revive the fish after a night spent in the freezer. Poor Ferdinand.

Worst Passengers
 

You should have punched her, you would have been doing the rest of the passengers a service, and not one of them would have testified against you had she sued.

I'd like to think I would have taken the polish away from her, but I probably would ahve been more passive-aggressive, and when the sighing and coughing and giving dirty looks didn't work, tattled. You never know who might turn out to be a nutcase.

Airplane Cabin as Torture Chamber
 

You know what I mean. And for informational purposes - trout is the worst followed closely by old leftover salmon.
Burned popcorn? I know! How does this happen? Even worse? Burned toast. Figure out the toaster yet?

Oh, and back to the airline passenger thing - last time to Vegas, sat between a guy trying to hit on a girl and girl flirting with said guy. I fucking offered to change seats with him, but he had a recent leg injury and needed an aisle. Offered my seat to the girl (on break from her valley girl college or like something, like) Ok like so I offered like my seat like to the valley girl and like she wanted a window like. So I'm trying to read (full plane of course) and these 2 are flirting. AHHHHHHHHH!

Airplane Cabin as Torture Chamber
 

I doubt the fish was traumatized while in the microwave. The freezer was probably another story.

Too funny.

MR Norton
 

I still cannot get used to the Ed Norton avatar.

Carry on.

I was saved from having to sit next to a young chatty cathy for 6 hours on a flight to CA. My parents, strangely and unknown to us when we booked our flights, managed to end up on the same connecting flights so I switched with the person who would have ended up stuck between them, and he got my aisle seat.

I was very thankful because I still got an aisle seat and in the 5 minutes I sat next to her she managed to irritate me no end with her juvenile chatter. I guess she must have been in her 20s, she was acting like she was 14 though.

I will tell you a sweeter story though. I was on a flight to florida, I fly there a lot and it frequently means I end up on planes with a lot of kids (heading to Disney). On this one occasion I was connecting through Charlotte and there were a lot of children. I ended up sitting next to an elderly gentleman and his grandson. I was exhausted and promptly fell asleep for the bulk of the flight. When I woke up they engaged me in conversation. The gentleman was really quite charming and the kid was cute, so it was fine. Especially since we had only about 10-20 minutes left on the flight.

After I got off the plane and wandered off to find my next flight, I heard the young boy say to grandad, "wow she was a really nice lady. And she doesn't snore like mom!"

I about died laughing.

MR Norton
 

What was your problem with it again? Don't you think it looks vaguely like me (if you squint your eyes)? And I love the crazy look in his eyes. His inner demons are showing.

MR Norton
 

Vaguely, if I squint my eyes. Sort of how if you look at a picture of Kate Hudson it looks like me vaguely, if you squint your eyes.* You have a far less demonic/creepy vibe to you than Ed does.

I don't have a problem with it exactly. I just really liked the Brad Pitt one better.

*I, much like Kate Hudson, am a blonde female. It is there that the similarities end.

Movies not to recommend
 

I've got a friend at a firm, here in D.C., who was dating a very good looking blonde at the time. The girl's parents were "artsy" and were always suggesting date ideas for the couple - viewing art exhibits at the Hirschorn, free theater openings, etc.

Anyhow, turns out that once the parents recommened that, based upon the boyfriend's interest in Asian culture, that he and the daughter go see "In the Realm of the Senses." They'd kinda forgotten the visuals in the movie.

Nails, nails everywhere
 

You think that's bad??? How about the f**kers that use fingernail clippers on the Metro - and have the clippings flying out the clippers in random directions.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

MR Norton
 

I'm glad I don't strike you as creepy.

Figures you'd like the topless hunk better than the tormented business man.

Well, you don't look like the Portia de Rossi, either. :P

Nails, nails everywhere
 

I think I already posted the story about the time I shamed a tourist on the Metro into stopping that appalling behavior with a very well-executed dirty look.

It was a highlight of my commuting life.

MR Norton
 

For the record, I never said I did. I said people found similarities after hearing I was a lawyer.

I am far better looking than chipmunk-cheeked Portia. And I can kick her ass.