Where to stash the kid?
 

Not working from first-hand knowledge here (obviously, as I don't lactate), but pretty accurate second-hand knowledge tells me that in the great and ruthless battle between the Baby Boppy and My Breast Friend nursing pillows --- brace yourself for irrational product loyalty here --- the MBF wins hands-down. It velcros around you, and you can carry the baby on a shelf around the house without losing the nipple latch.

The Boppy continues to be useful during the sitting-up phase, but the MBF is the winner when it comes to being mobile while nursing.*

*If this had been posted on the FB, it would have won All-time Most Boring, with one dissenting vote by lactation_lover.

Where to stash the kid
 

After the first six weeks, you may actually get real work done at home, depending on the baby. Agree with all posters- breastfeeding in the first 6 weeks is relentless and you will get nothing done unless you can scan email with a baby on the breast (this can be done, but I only managed it with number two).

After that, you may or may not be ok- my second took two 3 hour naps a day for several months, which gave me some solid time; my first never would have let me get away with it. For a brief shining moment the baby is old enough to entertain emself for a half hour at a time and can't crawl or walk away, but that doesn't last long. Best, as others have said, not to get your expectations out of line.

Plus, don't cheat yourself of the opportunity to focus 100% on being a new mom for the first 4-6 weeks- I know it is harder if you are a freelancer and don't get the paid maternity leave, but it really is all-consuming at first, which can be a wonderful thing if you can let yourself be consumed and an awful thing if you ask too much of yourself during that period.

good luck!

Where to stash the kid
 

Deleted - don't know why it posted 1/2 the message?

Where to stash the kid
 

Thanks!

I should have added that I don't plan to do much for the first 6wks, so the working 3/4 time was what I was thinking for later. I have already reset pending trials until March or later, so I won't have to worry about them for now. Luckily, the first 6wks will include the holidays, so nothing much will be going on in the office anyway - wish I could say I planned that.

The only work I will probably be doing early on is taking care of the clients I have on a monthly retainer, but that is minimal and can be done in 30 minute spurts, while the Mr. deals with Jr. All my clients know about the kid and ask about him everytime they call, so they will all be very understanding about court delay and such.

Also, commuting takes up so much of my day right now, that simply working at home a couple days a week would free up about 2.5hrs a day, which is not an insubstantial chunk of unproductive time - I love Houston traffic! Eventually I plan to ditch the office I commute to in exchange for another one much closer to home, but since I don't get charged rent right now, I can hardly pass it up, despite the drive.

I like the idea of a mother's helper - even for a couple hours after the high school lets out would be enough to catch up on things. We don't have a maid right now, but I think we probably will break down and get one soon, which will lighten the load a little - either that or teach Mr. Lex to breastfed.

Thanks for everyone's input!

-TL

Where to stash the kid
 

That should be the understatement of the year. Remembering to eat during the first couple weeks is a challenge. So to is showering.

Where to stash the kid?
 

Okay, I am the work-at-home QUEEN here. Mostly these days it's because I'm so busy on the phone with clients very early and with agencies I work with, I find that by the time I come up for air from the initial phone calls and frantic emails back and forth with colleagues from our firm's offices in other states, it's 7 pm, I'm still in pajamas, haven't eaten, or even brought in the mail. So while I often *intend* to commute into work, I'm hitting the ground running with emails and calls so I never make it in with the commute. Hopefully, my colleagues don't think I'm home to play with Vietbabe or something (I don't think they could possibly think that with the level of emails and phone calls back and forth).

Okay, so clearly for that kind of work at home, you need someone either in the home, or using that day care near you. For times you are not so busy, I think back to when I wasn't as busy, and I still don't see how I could work from home without child care. If you're on the phone with a client (even for a short call) you don't want them hearing the baby in the background. And if you're alone at home, you'll be feeding, dressing her/him, changing diapers, washing their clothes, their bottles, and you'll need to run to the store a lot for stuff.

Even working from home, part time, I find I need full time help because I simply can't time client needs around a specific part time schedule. When I'm not working, I'm running to the store, playing with Vietbabe, making baby food, preparing for things, thank you notes, getting photos developed, and all the other chores, like picking up drycleaning, food shopping, etc. And don't forgot doctor's appointments etc.

I think what would be best is to get either in-house help like a Mother's Helper or Nanny or use that day care. If you are free for a few hours or even a full day -- then send the helper home, or have her do some shopping, or don't send the baby to the child care center that day.

You'll only know what you can handle until the little one arrives. I suspect you are going to want child care. You can only schlep the baby to the office so many times.

Now that I'll soon be back to part time now that my big project is almost over, I intend to keep the full time child care because I really can't time it when a client needs me (or colleague) or a project comes in and so I need to have someone there always. So yes, I have a part time salary myself, but pay a full time salary to the Nanny. But it suits me the best and on slow days I can go downstairs and play with Vietbabe, or sneak in a nap. In fact today, after working from 6 am in frantic high gear, I then slept from 2-5 pm today (so did Vietbabe AND the Nanny) and I woke up feeling like I can conquer the world and squired babe off to the pool for a fun-filled night and I had a lot of energy. Without my nap, she would have gotten a tired mommy and boring night of dinner and the usual play in the living room. Instead she's zonked out in the crib after a 3 hour swim with me tossing her around in the pool and eating popsicles.

If you are working part time, I'd say use part of the non-working time on being with the baby, and part of it doing things other than that, like fidditzing with your photo album, keeping in touch with friends and family and catching naps. I think the money is worth it. I feel like I'm a better Mom. I would say find the money to get full time help and only use it when you need it. It's not necessarily money down the drain. You'll feel less frantic and feel more able to both work and be a good/great Mom. Otherwise you'll be confused trying to plan work around the baby and babies aren't known to be very accomodating. Mine in fact NEVER sat in a bouncy chair or swing, which is something many parents rely on. So you don't know until you have the baby.

Just my thoughts.

First day of school
 

... went off without a hitch. The teachers made good first impressions, the kids were enthusiastic, and our school has converted to a normal 9 month schedule (instead of 12 month).

When do yours start the school year?

Where to stash the kid?
 

Just wanted to say thanks to you and everyone else who responded here and who PM'd me, even if I didn't respond because I fell asleep (again) at my desk.

-T(Zzzzzzzz....)L

Virus and Complications
 

Has anyone ever had an episode with their little one where they had consistent diarrhea (or some other symptom) and was diagnosed with a virus (an Enterovirus or other virus) that in turn caused red spots on their body which was diagnosed as Erythema Multiforme ("EM")?

EM has two variations (Minor and Major) and I'm hoping it's the Minor variation but the docs don't know yet. The legions are just starting.

Apparently, an Enterovirus is common in kids especially in the summer but does not always, of course, result in the child also getting EM. And I understand a person with EM does not always get it from a virus (I think most EM cases are caused by a reaction to a drug or EM just spontaneously appears with no apparent precurser, like a virus).

But considering the doc said many children get Enteroviruses, I was wondering if any of your kids have ever gotten an Enterovirus (or other virus) and, if so, did they then get the rash which was diagnosed as Minor (or Major) EM?

I've already scoured the Internet on EM and have all the information but I guess it would be comforting to hear if someone's child had it and it was not big deal (was Minor) and went away. I assume I'm not the only parent whose child's virus turned into EM if (as the doc says) so many kids get Enteroviruses.

If not, is there any child health forum where I could post my question?

Thanks.

VietMom to a sick little one and very upset.

Virus and Complications
 

A baltspawn recently was diagnosed with an enterovirus with a rash on the face. While the doctor didn't put the issue in quite the same terms, she wasn't particularly concerned about it, and prescribed no medication. Our doctor, too, said it was quite common in summer. It took about 10 days or so, but the rash went away.

Have you tried webMD (www.webmd.com)?

Virus and Complications
 

We've had losts of rashes--coxsackie (which I think is an enterovirus), fifth disease, scarlet fever, chicken pox, and some Mystery Rashes. Kids get scary looking rashes. If your doctor isn't worried, you shouldn't be.

Virus and Complications
 

I'll take Mystery Rashes for $500, Alex. Don't forget my favorites, roseola and HFM (hand, foot and mouth disease*). Nothing quite like a two-year-old with HFM. They're charming.

*A form of coxsackie, which I will continue to call coxsackie because it narrowly beats HFM in the "best name for a childhood rash" competition. Say it with me: "coxsackie."

cox
 

...sackie. I agree. That word is a goody.

Thanks for the input. Glad to know other kids have had rashes, and that at least one on here had an enterovirus along with a rash.

I could care less about the rash itself. It doesn't seem to be bothering her. She already has various spots on her permanently. It's the diarrhea I'm concerned about (and what could be the cause of it). Literally, pure liquid since last Thursday, not a formation anywhere. I have her on a lot of pedialite but since it's been almost a week I'm watching her dwindle to even smaller than she is (she will be 1 year old in less than 2 weeks and still wears 0-3 month clothes). She cries all day. I don't understand how the Doctor can do nothing. I've already given her everything to "bind" her and it isn't working already. What's the longest your kid spurted pure liquid? Any of them gone 7 days?

Would someone please give my kid a chunky stool???????????????????????????????????????????????

Chunky stool
 

Have you tried feeding her a slightly green banana? This works wonders for diarrhea.

Good luck to both you and Vietbabe, and wishing her a quick recovery. Nothing sadder than a sick kid who doesn't understand why she's so miserable. :(

Allytigator

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

Thanks again for everyone's input and I'm sorry to clog the board, but I have this inquiry out to all my friends/family but would appreciate your input too as you seem an experienced bunch.

How high does your child's temperature's have to be before you hit the emergency room? After one week of diarrhea, but no temperature, Vietbabe got feverish yesterday in the late afternoon, hitting 101.5 at 6 pm. Despite both Motrin and Tylenol in the right dosages at the right times as per my call to the doctor, she awoke at midnight with 102.5. More Motrin and Tylenol but hard to give her b/c she's so upset and feeling bad.

At 3 am, she awoke next to me with heat waves emanating from her and soaked in sweat. Her temp was 105.5.

I doused her with cold water, threw her in the car and hit the emergency room where they were able to get her temp down to 102 by using a Tylenol suppository. I'm not going to go into my efforts to find out what's causing all this. For now I've been told that her fever will probably spike up again tonight. I'm scared, and don't know what I should do. I got the Tylenol suppositories . The docs act all nonchalant about the 105.5 thing because they say an infant can't get brain damage until about 110 or more. But how high should I let her temp tonight before I get in the car? Should I hire a night nurse to help me medicate her in the middle of the night and to help me take her temperature? I don't know that having someone here is the issue. I think beyond 105 or 106, I'm simply not comfortable unless I know that there is stuff outside the room like that machine that jumpstarts the heart and every other gadget, as well as people who know how to use them (in other words, a hospital!!)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

Depends. If it's your first child, about 101. By the time you hit the third or fourth, it's up to 105.

Seriously, at 105, it's time to take measures, like cold rags and the like. (A cold-soaked towel around the torso drops temp fast. Lots of screaming, 'cuz it's COLD, but it's worth it at that point.) The doc's right about no brain damage in an infant until 109-110, but it's still scary as hell, and you're never sure if you're on an up-tick or a cooling phase. So, don't hesitate to bring her in at 105-106, like you did. That's why you have insurance. Pass off the doc's comments as dicta at that point.

Watch for fever convulsions as temps approach 106-107. Fever convulsions are fairly frequent when they get that hot. If they do happen (arched back, shaking, teeth (okay, jaws) clenched, eyes maybe rolling) do the cold wet towel trick immediately, and get the temp down before leaving for the ER. (The convulsions will stop as the temp drops a degree or two.) And remind yourself about fifty times, the convulsions are fairly common, they do no damage to the child, and just signal a rapid temp increase.

(Not trying to scare you with the convulsion thing - but I found out the hard way with KidOne, and would have been much more comfortable that first night if I had even ever heard of them.)

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

You totally did the right thing. I think 105 is about the limit. Never apologize for taking your baby for treatment when your instinct tells you to. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

BTW, my mom told me that I routinely got 106-107 when I was a baby, and I turned out OK.

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

Holy shit. In the words of Dana Carvey as Johnny Carson, I did not know that. And I'm far from the dumbest father on the block (I think). Why do they not teach this stuff at some point? Knowing that an infant's temp can go much higher than an adult's without damage, and that convulsions are (shudder) normal but a sign of rising temp, would be much more useful to learn in Lamaze than that stupid breathing shit.

My kid's never exceeded 104. Before today, if he had, I'd probably have crapped myself and called 911.

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

They do. In my experience, they teach it to you as you stand in the emergency ward shaking with fear as you try to wrap yourself around the concept that your small child, who was deep in a grand mal-type seizure, really isn't going to die right then and there.

I think it could be done sooner, really.

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

I agree and I have no compuction about being a ninny or pain in the ass and will certainly tap into my expensive non-HMO cover. (I did, though, forgo the drama of dialing 911 if only for a free ride but ONLY because I thought the bright lights would have scared Vietbabe as well as the "whooh" of the horn).

Still though it seems that bringing her in is not going to do much good. In the end all they did, besides stick a tylennol suppository up her butt, was test her blood, pee and poo. I already have the tylennol suppositories here at home and she already had the tests so I guess I don't need to bring her in if she goes over 105, but.....still!!!! That's so high!!!

After your description, I'm going to watch for them alrighty. BUT NOT ALONE. Time for a friend or Mom to sleep over to help me do the temp cooldown/medicine thing. Jesus, I'm so dreading tonight. The fever is already rising today. I feel like I'm in the movie, The Fog. (Though I look nothing like Adrianne Barbieu**)

BTW - at what age do kids generally stop the bulk of these frightening fever incidents? `Cause that's the minimum age the future kids of this home will be adopted at. I'm imposing a minimum age AND WEIGHT requirement.

**NTTAWWT

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

Don't get too freaked out by all of this. (I can say that now, 'cuz I made it through these stages repeatedly. Ha.) What you finally realize, once the crises ages pass, is that they do more damage to you than to your kid. And, as kids pass though different age ranges, the character of the crises change, but the parental-effect (terror, sleeplessness, gray hair, etc.) remains constant.

We had one child who was fairly severe in terms of fever and its effects. It happened regularly for about nine months, (age 0.9+, approx.) and then less and less frequently after that, completely terminating at age 2.5. Docs told us this was "normal", and all kids outgrew it by about that age.

My wife was home alone one night when a convulsion occurred. Neighbors tell me we had four police cars, a fire rescue unit, and an ambulance in our driveway that night, lights and sirens all the way in. So, don't worry if you feel like you are overreacting. It's the norm.

Now, we're in the "stitches and casts" age group in my house. It's no less frightening than the "fever" age, the "choking" age, the "falling down the stairs" age, the . . . If I were to make cutoff decisions regarding adoption based on these issues, I'd be looking for cute 20-year-old girls.

Not to say that I'm not looking for cute 20-year-old girls now, but the rationale is different . . .

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

I would do it even before then, and in conjunction with the max medication you're comfortable giving. Give meds, strip babe and put in lukewarm tub, like, just barely cooler than you would want to bathe in yourself. It's going to feel way cooler to babe because of fever, and you don't want to upset her because screaming can raise temp further. Use a washcloth to get water all over the kid, and watch her affect change as her temp comes down.

tm

Temperatures - What is Too High?
 

This is exactly the advice given on websites and in Dr. Sears' Baby Book. I have a better appreciation for what a fever "is" now. I've set up a "triage" section in the bedroom and bathroom with Motrin and Tylenol in every flavor, aceteminophen suppositories (the way I think I'm gonna have to go as she's a Tiger and spits out anything I give orally and at least I'll know she's gotten exactly 120 mg) and perfect size towels and sponges to bathe her. Bag is already packed for possible emergency room visit with binkies, bottles, and a change of clothes for both of us (she peed on me in the emergency room and I had to borrow scrubs which had an opening in the genital area for a you know what that I don't have).

I wait and wait but all signs look good so far.

Thanks to all for all the good advice and especially the good humour which brought me back to reality. A wise and witty bunch you are.

VietMom

cox
 

My youngest (who is just a little younger than yours) has had diarrhea for the past month (more or less). It's not total liquid, but it certainly ain't solid. On the good days, it's more of a mud puddle than actual liquid.

Pedialyte it is, and all the hydration she can get. You must check that she is hydrated by looking at her tongue to make sure it isn't too dry, and pinching a little skin to see that it "rebounds" right away. If it "stays in place" when you pinch it, go to the nearest emergency room.

Other than that, there's really just nothing you can do. (The BRAT diet -- Banana, rice, apple, toast -- is a start -- just to get some calories in if she's not eating.) Gastrointeritis has to go away by itself. I checked with the many doctors in my family (who all said what I've just stated here), and then called the pediatrician, who said exactly the same thing.

It sucks, but, that's the way it is.

Ummmm....How does one do it?
 

After birthing the Brazenette, I've been out on leave for the past 24 weeks. Yesterday was my first day back.

Brazenette is home with her Daddy. She is eating solids nicely, but refusing bottle/sippy cup regardless of its contents. BUT that isn't my problem.

My problem is me. When will I stop weeping? I miss her so much. I long to cradle her little body and bury my nose in her little head (albeit coated in bananas and cereal). I can't stand a whole day without her infant chatter. What will I do?

Bn'(sniff sniff)B

How does one do it?
 

No easy answers there- congrats on the brazenette, first.

some ways others have coped (some of these are mine, not all): sneak in all the time you can get (I used to wake up early to work, then play for a little while and go in on the late side- others have different strategies)- it won't make you stop missing her, but it helps each day to know you've had some real time; look for child care closer to work so you can visit, or have dad bring her by once in a while for lunch until the acuteness of it all wears off a little; call her and talk to dead air (this one's for you, anyway, who cares if she can't talk back); make her bedtime as late as she can stand it and still be rested in the morning, so she can have some time with you in the evening after dinner; close your door if you have to cry and go ahead. For me, when I stopped pumping at work it made a big difference- a combination of hormones being back in balance and not having the regular reminder that the pump ain't the real thing (only when you're otherwise ready to wean her, of course).

It's never easy; at some point you will know whether its going to get better for you or whether you need to make a change. Good luck!

Ummmm....How does one do it?
 

My suggestions (besides getting up a littler earlier in the morning):

1. This doesn't work for everyone, but I used to get Vietbabe up around 11 pm before I went to bed and played with her. She was all goofy and tired, but she was able to go back to sleep no problem after about 30 hour or 45 minutes of play. The next day when I was at work I felt like I had snatched some quality time. Worth a try.

2. While at work, at lunchtime shop for clothes, toys and such over the Internet. Looking through the toys on the Internet and thinking about what the little one would like is fun.

3. At lunchtime, I'd walk to a grocer and wander to find some new foods for the little one to try, like new fruit, or pick up bananas, a little toy or blankie here or there.

4. If you commute by train or bus - put together a photo album or some other task while on there. If by car, call friends and family by cell phone. Doing any of these things will involve doing something or talking about the little one, and will also free up your time when you are not working/commuting - so more time to spend with the little one.

PS - the Mommy Brain gets better. I was unable to engage in analytical thought until a few months. It comes back, it really does.

Good Luck!!

Vietmom
(No more fever; back to normal!)

Overnight Extra Pay
 

Hi fellow Mom and Dad Esq's. I'm curious what "extra" you'd pay a full time Nanny who spent the night (during the workweek) because of a business trip. In addition to spending the night, she stayed an hour later the next evening after her usual leaving time. She is really wonderful and I want to err on the high side. She's been working usually 8 am to 7 pm (because of a big project) M-F and she clears 500 a week (I pay her taxes). We never discussed payment for this type of thing and I don't expect too many overnights throughout the year. I gave her 1/2 day off the next day and will give her cut hours the rest of the week but I'd also like to give extra money on payday.

Thanks!!

Vietmom

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Escaped gorilla snatches two-year-old.
(spree: CNN)

every parent's worst nightmare
 

That does it! Bring in the biplanes; we're taking that mofo* down!

*Special bonus points to anyone who catches this reference.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Um, Jim Brosnahan?

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Penn & Teller reference. My wife was pulled on stage for MoFo in the old off broadway show. I hope this isn't too outing.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

I'm not sure an escaped gorilla is more a nightmare than a teen daughter coming after you. At least with the gorilla you can hope the cops show with tranquilizer darts.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Saw the 2 year old girl on TV last night; not looking too bad (cut on left side of face, just some bruises and no real damage from where he jumped on her). She liked the cameras.

Let me say I have many far worse nightmares.

And I worry about far more unlikely scenarios, too.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Some perspective: a resident of the community around the zoo (a neighborhood identified by many with poverty and violence more than its proximity to the zoo) said he was worried about his children going outside, not going to the zoo.

Also, it appears Little Joe didn't just snatch up the child randomly- she was being held by an 18-year-old who was trying to hold the pavillion doors closed so that he couldn't escape. Whether that was good judgment or not on her part, it is somehow a little less alarming that he would strike out at someone he believed was fighting with him than to think of him roaming the park like a predator comitting random violence. And I have to believe that in a match between gorilla and 2 year old, she would have been much more badly hurt (she was released from the hospital with some bruises and stitches) if he really was trying to harm her.

I know its terrifying for her and her family, but there's talk around Boston of euthanizing Little Joe, and I think someone's got to stick up for him.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

The 18 year old sounds like a real pistol. When the gorilla grabbed the kid, the 18 year old got the gorilla to come after her instead, suffering a bit in the process. That's the 18 year old I want watching my kid.


One thing that I have found amazing here in the big city is how little ability people have to interact with or deal with animals, even domestic ones. The youngest greedseed is afraid of almost all animals, and it's tough to fix that because greedseed isn't around them. You go to the zoo and there's always something (maybe not enough) between you and the animals. You go to a petting zoo and the animals are ultra-docile, in a small space, and overwhelmed. For bigger kids you can do things like horseback riding, but that's really not appropriate under age 5 or 6. Anyone have any good places to go, maybe weekend trips somewhere in the Northeast, to expose kids to animals?

every parent's worst nightmare
 

How about finding out about volunteering at the local humane society or similar animal adoption organization? Ussually they are happy to have someone walk the dogs or cuddle the kittens...

You get to teach the Greedseed about animals, how to approach them, care for them, etc...and you get to teach the Greedseed about volunteerism as well. Double whammy.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

There's always the classic Drumlin Farm. At least it was considered a classic when I went there 25 years ago (or whatever).

every parent's worst nightmare
 

Excellent idea.

And yes, Drumlin farms is a classic, but at this point we've overdone it. The other good place we've found in the same vein is Shelburne Farms just outside of Burlington, VT.

every parent's worst nightmare
 

I totally agree. The absence of basic exposure to common sense information about animals may explain why the 18 year old chose to engage the gorilla in conflict, rather than take the baby and get out of the way.

Around this time of year, there are often "farm festivals" in various communities that straddle the suburban/rural line, with access to farm animals, sheepdog herding demonstrations, stuff like that. There are also still functioning dairies and other farms within easy range of the city that might give tours, or at least let kids peek in and see what the animals do. Ranger Rick magazine (yes, its still around) is also a big hit in my house, as are the various Nature-type programs about wild animals.