Question about sex
 

Truest statement ever. I had this totally dowdy but attractive chick on my freshman hall in college. no one knew her. No parties, no sorority rush... she barely came out of her room. Then her bf came up and visited and she fucking banged like a wild boar all weekend. It sounded like he was trying to tickle her intestines or something. Blood-curdling shit...

Worst ever on the "pick up a hottie" front was this chick I met in DC. She was totally put together and wired on the hill and all business. She seemed like a total vixen in the sack. We get drunk, go back to her place and start fucking around and I take off her panties and find a bush as big as Little Caesar's personal pizza! I couldn't figure this shit out... her clothes were impeccable, her place was fantastic, her body was great, but her bush was stuck in 1971... and since I'd committed, I had to go down on her. I thought I was going to choke... when we finally started fucking I kept coughing because it felt like I'd swallowed an Irish wool golf sweater. I totally "phoned it in" that night. The next morning when she went to the bathroom she busted me checking out the jungle. I said "I was admiring your ass" but what i really wanted to say was "Goddamnit... you should've warned me you wear a mirkin... from all indicators I figured you totally shaved." We had sex again anyway and it was better the next morning because at that point all the wool previously in mouth had slid down into my stomach and I could breathe freely. The moral of this digression was "a hottie can be defective under the packaging in a variety of respects."

S(I think of her every time my cat yarfs a furball)D

All my friends know the low rider
 

Please tell me more. I've been thinking about buying a 2-year old car. Atticus? Good idea?

Plated Dickhead
 

That was actually much more amusing than I thought it would be.

Question about sex
 

They would be the gay friends you were talking about, right?

I feel so special
 

Because the correct answer is Mills College in Oakland.

Are there any all-male colleges left in America?

Question about sex
 

Is this your third "hottie" of the day or only the second? Do you call women hotties to their faces? Just wondering. Quite prevalent phrase down here with the just out of A&M crowd, and otherwise unused. I think with good reason.

All my friends know the low rider
 

You live in New York. You giving advice on cars is like some redneck giving advice about when a woman should wear diamonds. ;)

Also, if you buy used cars, you can't get the latest and greatest thing that's out there. The amount of excellent new car models is astonishing. Compare what's out there today with what is even two or three years old, and it's amazing. For example, for $19,995, you can get a brand new Dodge Neon SRT. If you want to spend more, you can get a Volvo S60 T5R. With the Neon, you'd have to find a used car that is now selling for $20,000 that will do 0-60 mph in under six seconds. With the Volvo, there simply wasn't anything made two or three years ago with 300 horsepower, all wheel drive, and a six speed manual. The closest thing is a used Audi S4, if you can find one. You'd end up with a smaller car that might not be as quick, not to mention how much sooner you'd have to start taking it in to the shop for basic maintenance and repairs, such as new brakes, new tires, new belts and hoses, etc.

If people see cars as merely an appliance, sure, go out and get yourself a three year old gold Toyota Camry with the four cylinder and automatic. Otherwise, it's tough to beat the new cars that are on the market today.

good god.
 

I am only sorry it is not your neighbor's tree.

Question about sex
 

"Hottie" is a term of endearment. My wife uses it to describe hot guys. Quite prevalent up in these parts. Its not a derogatory term in any respect at all.

Question about sex
 

No not derogatory. Just irritating when overused. But my dislike of the term could have something to do with the A&M loser I dated and his friends. Ugh. And I was even the recipient of the term!

Reminds me of the Blind Date show where the guy has some annoying phrase that he keeps repeating (Hey Kitty! or something similar) and the chick just about pushes him out of the ferris wheel about the 10th time he says it. Now I'll have to go to the Blind Date website and find out what the phrase was.

Plated Dickhead
 

Right before opening this, I got corralled by a greyhair into a very detailed, very one way discussion on breeding horses. The gestures he was making with his pumping fist were making me quite uncomfortable given our close proximity to several female coworkers. I broke away as soon as I could and was still feeling a little squicky when I opened this picture. It made me laugh.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Which is I'm always confused when I see Boxsters and (non-Ford like) Jags and 7-series Beemers parked on the street in Chicago. How often do you need it? That shit is gonna get dinged up. Don't buy a car that nice unless you can afford the garage. I drive my car maybe 2x a week. In a normal week it's driven MAYBE 20 miles. My car is a '95 and is falling apart, but I have no desire to buy something really nice for city driving.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Yeah, when Mrs. Chef and I lived downtown, we got rid of my nice new car and kept her old, beat up, Jewish mother mobile (that she had gotten for free while in college(!)), because we didn't want to garage my car. (Didn't help that the insurance was going to be 3x as much for my car as it was for hers.) Then we moved out of the city and both ran out and bought new cars.

All my friends know the low rider
 

True true. And I admit, my car didn't live here with me, so it made no sense to hold on. :( I miss that car. It was a sweet little trooper.
Yeah, see, that's what I don't get. I recognize there is a whole romantic technophile element to getting the latest thing. But I don't get it. (Even with shoes I never go trendy, and I cry when they wear out.)
Yes, but if you get it new you don't know if you're getting one of the good ones or some misdesigned piece of shit. Why not wait and let someone else pay for the privilege of testing it out first?
Yup.
Hey, I'd plan to get a damn nice luxury car for what you'd pay for that Camry new.

Sex, Etc.
 

I have had sex with two stunningly beautiful men (not simultaneously). They were both good in bed -- one spectacular. The one who was just good has had more ass thrown at him than he could ever possiblyuse as a result of his looks and his profession, but he still put a tremendous effort in to ensure the months we were together were well spent. The one who was spectacular made sex his raison d'etre, God bless him.

As for Interruptus:

I was having sex at my office in a space that was being reconfigured and underconstruction. We were interrupted by construction workers at the main entrance. He went to deal with them while I looked for as much of my clothing as I could find. Come to think of it, this used to happen to us a lot -- his office, my office, conference rooms, etc. Every door had a deadbolt, just in case.

Question about sex
 

I assure you it's not bullshit.

Maybe it's different with chicks, I don't know. I don't not/approach chicks based on their looks (or anyone, for that matter, but whatever...). Wait, I take that back. The other day I was shopping and thought I recognized this woman in the store, but couldn't remember from where. I went to approach her, but for a moment I hesitated, because I thought maybe she was someone famous, and didn't want to say, "Don't I know you?" if it was because she was on tv.** Turns out, she's not from tv, I remembered why she looked familiar, said so, and then we had a friendly little chat... and then had hot lesbian sex in public, right there in the middle of the shop (that's for you Atticus). But I digress.


Nope, that's not it. He's perfectly charming with me. He can be a bit of what I refer to as an "angry man" -- you know, getting way too riled up over things that aren't important -- but otherwise, he can turn on the charm when he wants/has to.

You just haven't met the right guy yet. Don't worry. It will happen for you someday!! :) (In case this isn't obvious -- this smiley is brought to you in the spirit of being cheesy. I hate how you can't do "tone of voice" over the internet. Well, at least I can't.)



**This happened to me once, and I was MORTIFIED. Luckily, it was just at a small brunch at a friend's house -- it's not like I randomly approached her on the street, but still. I made some lame attempt at covering by pretending that she looked a lot like someone I knew. I cringe every time I remember that incident. How uncool.

Question about sex
 

Cf. Lap dances given by uber-hot strippers are very often a big disappointment as compared to lap dances given by the merely-cute sassy strippers.

All my friends know the low rider
 

No. You're a lawyer, for chrissake. You may not know it yet, but you want to buy a car that says "old money." For this purpose, you will need a 1985-1990 Mercedes sedan (the biggest you can afford), or a 1989-1994 BMW 7 Series. Pay cash, preferably $100 bills.

Of course, if you really want a car that will turn heads, get yourself a new Lincoln Town Car. Everybody who's anybody will talk about you as "That guy in his 30s who drives a Lincoln Town Car." This is true even if you're still in your 20s.

Sex, Etc.
 

Yeah, I want to clarify that one of the stunning ones was phenomenal in bed. "A" for effort and performance. So there are exceptions to the general rule.

Of course later I found out she was a complete slut. She had really honed her skills. No complaints here.


Edited to add my (somewhat) coitus interruptus story: the worst one happened in high school. I was 17. She was 16. She was fully naked. I was not. We were at her house after a half-day of school. In walks mom. Two words came out of mom's mouth: "GET OUT!" I left, followed by my buddy who was hooking up with another girl in another bedroom which was interrupted by mom before we were interrupted. Not a happy mom. Overheard as we're walking out: "What do you think this is? A WHOREHOUSE!" Not good times.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Technophile, yes, that has something to do with it. But there are other things, as well. For example, at the end of 2001, if you wanted to get a car that was fast, handled well, had all wheel drive, and a manual transmission for about $25,000, you'd be hard pressed to find something used. You could get an A4, with quattro and the V6, but it would not be that fast. You could get an S4, but you'd be hard pressed to find one for $25,000 that was not overloaded with miles. That's just one example.

One could argue the same thing about a used car -- why take on a car that is a ticking time bomb? Someone sold it for a reason, right? I inherited two cars from my parents, both driven by my Jewish mother who is afraid of driving on the highway. Both cars had major and expensive mechanical problems within a couple of years of my taking over their ownership. I had another used car that also had a bunch of maintenance-type problems that were annoying to have fixed and expensive. New exhaust system, new brakes, new clutch, new head gasket, and a new battery were a few examples. That thing was still running 15 years after it left the factory, but that doesn't mean that it didn't drain the wallet and call for several trips to the mechanic. I loved that thing to death, but I'm much happier in my new car.

When it comes to something as mechnically complicated as a car, I'd rather have one that will be fixed for free, with a free loaner car, than one that breaks down at my expense. The only exception to this rule are the new certified used cars, where you get the benefits of a warranty and new car treatment at the dealership's service department.

If you think that I'm buying a new 4 cylinder, automatic Camry, you've got another thing coming. ;) Besides, that's another quirk of my car buying habits -- I'll eschew a luxury car in favor of one with better performance and far less money.

Question about sex
 

Actually, while fucking is when I care the least about the relative hotness of my partner.

All my friends know the low rider
 

After a post like this, how can anyone fail to understand my troo luv for Atticus?



(This is not to suggest that anyone does, of course.)

All my friends know the low rider
 

Plus, if you get laid off, you can make extra scratch driving people to/from the airport.

(Seriously, are there any all-male colleges left in America?)

Question about sex
 

So true. Imagination and slippery friction go a long way.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Maybe it's because I'm already in a giddy mood -- but this gut-buster has rocketed you up the charts, mister!

Now to answer your twice-posed question: I don't know, but I thought Washington & Lee (the undergrad part anyway) was still all-male. And while not technically all-male, I think MIT comes pretty darned close.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Harvey Mudd is also on the list of not-technically, but pretty damned close.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Not since '85 or so. Now I think it's about 60-40, but I could be wrong.

All my friends know the low rider
 

I think there's a small private college in Virginia that is all-male, or was about 10 years ago. For real. And no, I'm not talking about VMI or the Citadel or whatever. It's name is I think some person's full name (like, John Mitchell College but it's not that). I met a couple guys who had gone there and it seemed like they were kind of being punished by their parents for being too "wild" and/or weren't smart enough to get into a better school. But I may be being judgmental.

Question about sex
 

This may be your pithiest post ever. Had you not started with "Actually," I would have given it a 10 on my effective writing scale.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Sounds like Hampden-Sydney.

http://www.hsc.edu/

(spree: all-male action)

All my friends know the low rider
 

you?!?

As fucking if!!

All my friends know the low rider
 

Isn't there also a college that accepts something like 25 or so students a year, where you go after your freshman and sophomore year to sort of learn philosophy and stuff like that in the desert? I can't remember the name, but I think it's in California and I'm pretty sure that it's all male. It's one of those, if you get in, it's all paid for, colleges.

All my friends know the low rider
 

OMG that's it! So it's not an actual name, it just sounds like it could be a name. But I shoulda remembered the hyphen.

All my friends know the low rider
 

And CalTech.

And Morehouse, which is not just close.

All my friends know the low rider
 

I believe St. John's University in Collegeville, Minnesota is stilll technically all male, although it is closely partnered with the College of St. Benedict, an all girls school.

I have no idea why any self respecting (straight) college age man would want to go to an all men's school.

All my friends know the low rider
 

Deep Springs? If that's what you are talking about, I'm not sure if it's still really all-male; I'm nearly positive that some of its affiliated programs are co-ed.

I believe the students are required to engage in farming activities as well as intellectual.

All my friends know the low rider
 

"Farming activities." Heh.

According to Hamden-Sydney's Insight Magazine:

There are only three all-male liberal-arts colleges left in the United States. They are Wabash College in Crawfordsville, Ind., Atlanta's Morehouse College and, the oldest of the three, Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, which first opened its doors for classes on Nov. 10, 1775, making it the 10th-oldest college in the country. There once were many more. But the vast majority have long since gone coeducational - Harvard College and Yale, for instance, and smaller liberal-arts institutions such as Amherst, Williams and Washington and Lee.

http://www.insightmag.com/news/464374.html

Sex, Etc.
 

Until you posted that, I had completely forgotten mine. I was in college, and had brought SO to my parent's house for a visit. My parents weren't home when we got there, so we proceded to get busy in my old bedroom. My mom came home, but we didn't hear her until she was halfway up the stairs from the garage. We were having sex standing up, and since my feet were not on the ground, we couldn't, um, separate, in time. His pants were around his ankles, and I was naked. The only good news was that in that position, I was able to avoid making eye contact with my mom, who promptly fled down the hall. Dinner was very quiet that night.

All my friends know the low rider
 

There's no explaining men who go into the priesthood either, at least the three straight, non-pedophilic ones.

All my friends know the low rider
 

That's the one. I thought they had some sort of foundation set up where they had to be all male. From what I understand, it's one of the hardest schools in the country to get into.

I wonder if they do horse breeding.