Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

Zounds, you are correct. My head must still be in the industrial cloud of killer made by the high school freshmen sitting behind us. Before I drained them of their blood, which may be contributing to my altered state in more ways than one. I want Oreos. And grapes.

Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

I make it a point not to frequent musical festivals whose fans say "zounds,"* although this one sounded like lots of fun.


* As you might imagine, this has cost me my friends in the Society for Creative Anachronism.

The Married Life
 

I completely recognize the career reasons behind her decision to get the funbags. HOWEVER, if you're willing to make yourself that much of a sex symbol, why the fuck not just give it up?

I really hate these virgin/born again virgin preachers because they're just so goddamn stupid. Losing your virginity is probably the most anti-climactic event in your life. I recall thinking after I lost mine "That was the huge fucking deal I'd been waiting for?" Is it fun? Sure. Is it a sort of right of passage? Absolutely. Is it something amazingly revelatory that you'll recall until you die? Hardly. Its fuckin' - we all do it. Ain't no big deal. Jessica and the rest of the Jesus Brigade should get over themselves. What they're packin' between their thighs is not gold-plated. Get down off your high horse, dears, and start screwing like the rest of humanity for the past 100,000,000 years.

"My sexuality is special... its blessed and sacred and a gift from God." Yep, bumping uglies - a unique gift from God... given to every single animal that's ever lived. Last I checked, fucking worked pretty much the same for everyone, so if that's a sacred gift, you ought to take God to task for handing it out like mints at a hotel.

S(You need Jessica because Christina Aguillera will soon be a great big hookerish version of Cass Elliot if she keeps up that Ho-ho and Big Mac diet)D

The Married Life
 

I'm pretty sure those fun-bags are real. I recall some interview in CosmoGirl in which she discusses developing early and large.

If Nick gets bored or irritated tell him to contact me. I don't care if he's dumb. Most people are. He is at least 98 degrees of hot.

The Married Life
 

Bitch please. Keep with the program. Xtina lost a bit of the extra and looks hot again. She is on the list I keep in the protective folder that my faxes come to me in. Along with Nick.

The Married Life
 

Xtina looks like she lost the weight for the Versace campaign. But not to worry--she still looks like a cheap whore (a good match for Versace)--she's just back to being a skinny one.

Texas FB Orgy Day II
 

Zounds is not typically in my vocabulary. I attribute its use to the lingering effects of spending too much time in the handmade soap tent. The overpowering essence of patchouli destroys the dorkspeak blockers in the brain.

Not to mention the flavored teas. Forsooth!

The Married Life
 

I can't believe I'm defending Nick Lachey, either, but he may be smarter than the average bear. Teen Ho Barbie is hot, and Nick 'n Barbie live in California, where the average celerbrity relationship/marriage lasts about 15 minutes. He marries her, tries her out, and if there's no sexual chemistry they get a quickie divorce, Drew Barrymore style. Who loses? Surely not him.

The Married Life
 

Aguillera's growing a great bir arse. Its plainly obvious. She can yo-yo a bit with the help of diet pills, but explosion day is coming. Its inevitable.

Even if they transplanted her head onto Gisele's body she'd be nasty. She's got a strange skull and a hairline like James Taylor. Her head is close second behind Scotty Pippen's for "most aesthetically unappealing cranium."

S(and should should stop wearing those weird berets - it makes her head look even larger and more alien-like)D

The Married Life
 

Uh, this was an intentional pun, right?

The Married Life
 

Beautiful Girls is one of my all time favorite flicks. And the soundrtrack is pretty good too. Whatever happened to Pete Droge anyway?

The Married Life
 

Well, good then. If it ever comes down to you, me and X-tina in a stuck elevator, you can shimmy face-first into the corner to shield your eyes from the grotesque display. Good to know I will have no competition from you.

The Married Life
 

The Casper the Streetwalking Ghost makeup Versace's got on her in the print ads doesn't help. It also covers her under-lip stud which makes her look like she has a huge wart. Pasty, tarty witch--not a good look.

Edited to add, she's probably quite pretty in her natural state--I've just never seen it.

The Married Life
 

It's also the only time in history that Rosie O'Donnell has ever been funny.

The Married Life
 

Dude, that's called bait. You think any "decent" (and I use the term loosely) guy claiming to be husband material would wait for sex and marry a Flat Jessica? You get the airbags to attract a larger pool of potential husbands. And at least one of them should be marriage material.

As for them being real and she just developed early - kind of what Britany said - except Britany said she developed late (18) and did NOT have airbags installed.

The Married Life
 

I put Jack Johnson on that list this weekend. Those quiet contemplative types can be freaks in bed. He's such a hottie.*


*And I mean that in the most derogatory manner possible.

The Married Life
 

Have a better life.

Christ.

Everything this guy touches turns to gold.

The Married Life
 

He's still around. He recently collaborated with Matthew Sweet and Shawn Mullins. The group is called the Thorns. I've only heard the first single, which sounds kind of like CS&N.

http://www.thethornsmusic.com/

spree: There's music when you click on the link, so I suggest you turn your speakers down a bit.

sf

The Married Life
 

Yeah, I'm sure it sucks to be him. Surfer, model, songwriter.

just wondering
 

George C. Scott in "Man Getting Hit by a Football."

Billy Corgan. "We envy you, Homer. All we have is our music, our legions of fans, our millions of dollars, and our youth. [pause] Woo-hoo!"

Johnny Cash as the Coyote in the dreamquest.

Or Christopher Walken* reading "Goodnight Moon" at the Book Faire.

*Actually, I think this was Jay Mohr doing his CW.

The Married Life
 

I recently read that Xtina purposefully gained the weight for her tour. She was on a high-carb diet. (I'm too lazy to google for the article, so shoot me.) I also saw one of those E! specials that described her significant weight loss during her last tour, even though she was eating everything in sight. Her mother said the tabloid stories of an eating disorder upset Xtina.

just wondering
 

my favorite not a cameo cameo was George HW Bush.

favorite real cameo was James Woods.

just wondering
 

It works on so many levels!!

The Married Life
 

1. No man with any self-respect is waiting for sex for anywhere near the time it takes to court/get engaged/plan and execute wedding. I wouldn't wait that long for Elle McPherson.

2. "Hey, I got fake boobs" is not a substitute for lack of sex. I'd be more enflamed if my virgin gf did that... its adding insult to injury.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Speaking of many levels, I forgot one of my favorites: David Hyde Pierce playing Sideshow Bob's younger brother.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Lisa: "At this rate, I'll never get into Harvard... I may not even get into Vassar."

Homer: "I've had just about enough of your Vassar bashing, young lady!"

The Married Life
 

Hey no one said you couldn't fondle/grope them. It's just that her pool of eligible bachelors increases with breast size.
And I don't think that Elle McPherson is waiting for you either.

This just in
 

Well here's a sad thought...
From Forbes.

The Forbes/Milken list of Best Places for Business and Careers ranks 200 metropolitan areas based on the latest government data for employment and wage growth over one- and five-year periods. Analysts at the Milken Institute also search for critical shifts within the vast technology sector, weighting one- and five-year changes in gross tech output, technology as a percentage of the total metro economy and the diversity within tech industries.

We added a job momentum category this year, tracking employment during the first quarter of 2002 to gauge how the metro areas were handling the effects of Sept. 11 and the slowing economy of 2001.
The Top Ten

1. San Diego
2. Santa Rosa
3. Las Vegas
4. Ventura
5. McAllen Metro Area
6. Boise City
7. San Luis Obispo Metro Area
8. Oakland
9. Brownsville Metro Area
10. Orange County

So in other words, you have to move waaayy out to the burbs to get a job - if you don't already have one. With the exception of OC.

The Married Life
 

I can't imagine why any woman would either. The time to find out that you're incompatible in bed with someone is not the night after you've blown years of your life and 20k on the wedding for some schmo you immediately have to divorce.

The Married Life
 

I know bilmore will scoff at this, but I learned this by watching SATC. How else would I learn it? I'm not married.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

How is this funny? Seriously. And I have seen the show several times so I know how blustery he sounds. A little like you in fact. WHerease Atticus posts are read in a Clavin voice that sometimes swtiches to Fraser if he is being particularly pedantic.

And thurgreeds posts are always read with a Sherman Helmsley as George Jefferson voice.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Not always. Some of his posts are read with a Steve Urkel voice; and some of them with the voice of Steve's suave alter ego, Stephan.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Maybe I have not lurked long enough to get a full impression, but I was hearing a more whiny version of Al Roker.

cheekymonkey

The Married Life
 

How did you learn this from the Saudi Arabian Toastmaster Club? That's all I could find when I googled SATC.

And even if it wasn't good right off the bat, sometimes the underperforming partner can work on these things. So just because it's not good the wedding night, doesn't mean it will always be less than fulfilling.

(Editted to say, I respect those who wait until marriage, even if they may be sexy.)

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Lol. Too flaming funny. This gives me another thought though, he sounds like a whinier version of the dad on the Urkel show, although I'm not sure what his name was.

cheekymonkey

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

And remember, Vassar is in upstate NY.

Emmy Fever!
 

Am I the only person on the planet who is made to puke by the very sight of Debra Messing? Until last night, I consoled myself with the thought that people are watching "Will & Grace" in spite of Messing, but clearly I'm in some kind of minority here. She approaches that role like she's in a dinner theater production of "Noises Off!" Here, have an Emmy.

In other news about cultural has-beens, critical reviews for the Woody flick are mixed, but the one clip they keep showing with Ricci and that "American Pie" dude involves the worst acting I've seen since Schwarzenegger's appearance on "Oprah." This is a terrible shame, because Ricci is kooky-hot and has nice gazoombas, and I haven't heard her talking about having sex since "The Opposite of Sex," and then I felt kinda weird because she was supposebly 16.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

You need to use more emoticons and exclamation points. None of us understand your tone without the emoticons and your posts are boring without the proper punctuation.

Moreover, your use of the word "flaming" for "fucking" is offensive.

The Married Life
 

I know, and what's even more remarkable is that the full phrase is "I feel sorry for Nick Lachey BECAUSE HE'S MARRIED TO JESSICA SIMPSON!" Who the hell would have ever thought that?

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Seriously?!?!!!!!!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: