Christmas Day Night
 

You gots skillz for an old dude. Gracias.

Christmas Day Night
 

Paris Hilton has absolutely zero beemonger. Sir Mix-A-Lot had a point.

Like most born in the wagon of a travelin' show, just trying to catch up on a year of technology innovations that have gone right by me.

And waiting for the next Bachelor to start. Strangely enough, I know him.

Cool. Happy holidays.

You should come around more often.

We miss u.

Mmmmm, Catwoman...

Good to see you, c2ed.

Leave of Absence
 

I originally had the Maxim, Stuff genre in mind. But with the intended length and breadth of the trip and the wide variety of writing styles Lester has demonstrated over the past years, there's really no limit on the ways he could slant an article.

Hey Deuce! Long time no see.

So is this new Bachelor someone worth watching? I'd been thinking it was time to break my addiction on reality TV.

Travis
 

Meet Travis, a 33-year-old ER doctor who is completing his residency at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor...240x360_01.jpg

Meet the chickies - http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor/bios/8/cast.html

Travis
 

Hubba hubba!

Travis
 

What is he wearing?

Travis
 

It looks like a t-shirt! Who wears t-shirts??? What is this - 1992?

Travis
 

I prefer my men naked.

Travis
 

Why the long face?

Travis
 

For me the face is fine -- I am just worried that when he takes off his corduroy jacket from K-Mart he will have pit stains on his heather gray t-shirt.

Travis
 

I think you should cut C2ed's friend a break. I mean, he's in Paris and shit:
http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor...240x360_02.jpg

http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor...240x360_04.jpg

http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor...240x360_05.jpg

Travis
 

He is clearly just keeping it real.

Travis
 

What's this? Another gay poster? They're coming out of the woodwork today. Drop the sock and come out of that stinky old closet, you. I don't care how many fabulous outfits you have in there! You should get together with Coltrane and Hank. A meeting with the three of you would be like the gay Yalta. Hank calls he gets to be gay Stalin! Oh the fun you will have. Joining a crochet club together, starting an online Scissors Sisters fan club, playing Jai Alai, diving head first into the chaotic world of philatelism, becoming Sudoku masters. If I were not so straight myself, I might just be a little bit jealous, I have to admit.

Travis
 

Is this the game that Native Americans played with needles and string into their armpits and then a feat of strength?

Travis
 

Jealous? It's the group masturbation thing, isn't it?

Travis
 

How about just wearing a t-shirt?

Travis
 

I thought this game was Mayan, not gayan. Unless you are talking about the culture guy from the Queer Eye show.

Travis
 

Carvel isn't gay.

Travis
 

No. A sculpted chest is a must and must not be covered up. Just jeans is fine.

Travis
 

How about just dress socks?

Travis
 

Worst character ever.

Travis
 

Like I have ever dated anyone who wears dress socks.

Travis
 

How about just the dress part?

Travis
 

You mean practicing law?

Travis
 

What about just the banana hammock?

Travis
 

What about just a long t-shirt, like the ones from that old Wham video?

Travis
 

http://www.megacalendars.com/images/744.jpg

Oh wait, those are tube socks. Never mind.

Travis
 

Sure, but those a different kind of people, with different kinds of bodies.

Travis
 

We've never met, have we.

Travis
 

What about WHAM in their underwear?

[IMG]http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=wham/v=2/SID=e/l=IVS/SIG=13eg6vsmt/EXP=1135982149/*-http%3A//www.media.uio.no/studier/nettavis2001/na07/Klar%20til%20WEB%20NA07/Bilder/wham!.jpg[/IMG]

Travis
 

Again, I wouldn't date someone who didn't look better naked than clothed.

Travis
 

I had to waer a green velvet dress once to get a chick in bed. Wacky bisexual chick. Said she wanted to see what it would look like. I wound up hanging out for a while in it, while her 200 lb topless Asian friend made us drinks (never said anything... reminded me of that Asian villian who threw the hat in Goldfinger, but with sagging breasts and long hair). Eventual sex was lousy. Good times.

But I do recall thinking "this is one fucking comfortable dress..."

Travis
 

Is that a question? I don't see a question mark...then again, I've never (seriously) worn a banana hammock.

Travis
 

Isn't that more group bdsm without the "safe word"?

Travis
 

Oh. My bad. Never mind. Jai Alai seems like a dangerous sport, anyway, so it's probably all for the best.