Love, American Style.
 

Penske is crying out for help...won't one of you lend a sharp tongue, and a soft washcloth?:

"Well let's face it, I'm not getting any thinner and one day soon I'll have too much girth to even set foot out of my dingy, roach infested house. I'll be one of those guys they have to knock a hole in the side of the building and rent a boom crane just to get my ass out. It's just a matter of time.

I'm not that picky, but I am looking for a young model type. She should be financially well off in order to support my vast caloric requirements. It'd also be a plus if she would nag me incessantly so I could ignore her; that'd make me feel like the dominant one.

We could spend romantic evenings on the couch taking turns washing my nether regions which have become quite foul from chronic neglect. I'll suppply the brillo pads and comet, you supply the love.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Please include a picture as I will inevitably get more responses than I will be able to reply to. "

[It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
this is in or around portland]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/por/13851467.html

Apparently, socking doesn't burn calories.

CDF

Poll: walking out
 

Your avatar reminds me, I watched a great movie this weekend -- The Apartment. Ray Walston plays Mr. Kirkaby, a character described in the script as "all personality, all of it obnoxious."

I highly recommend the movie, it's excellent, dialogue and acting-wise.* And both Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine were adorable.

*This is a little homage to the script, which you can find online and is a fun read.

Poll: walking out
 

FWIW, I prefer my restaurants to have cachet....unless I'm jonesing.

CDF ("t" is for timmy)

Poll: walking out
 

Fortunately, Sofia Coppola did not, which allowed me to see Lost in Translation last Friday. Since doing so, I have developed a thing for Scarlett Johansson.

http://www.lost-in-translation.com/

Poll: walking out
 

She seems to be a good young writer/director. At least she put aside the acting... thank God.

Poll: walking out
 

Agreed on the movie rec. Its hard to imagine Shirley Maclaine as a sane person without seeing this movie. She was adorable in it.

Hello

Blindness
 

Jet lag is a bitch, huh?

Love, American Style.
 

Translation: I'm Thurgreed's beeyotch, and now he is pimping me out to take the heat for his stale unfunny "Penske is fat" jokes, which will come back haunt the two of us when Penske shows up in NYC lean and mean like a fiesty latino bantamweight, but maybe we will like the taste of crow.

Tea Party
 

Note to self: avoid the angels' trumpet blend.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm...atestheadlines

(spree: german man drinks tea, cuts off penis and tongue; no pics)

I regret to inform you that I have received another chain letter from my pre-teen epistler, threatening me that if I fail to forward it to many others, I will never be the 13-year-old equivalent of FB cool.

However, this letter is so mawkish, cloying, and saccharine,* that rather than subject the FB to it, I merely excerpt a sample of its contents.

http://sweb.lati.tec.sd.us/mulhollj/...mommycat_2.jpg

And now my troubled, storm-tossed soul can rest easy.

*Suffice it to say, it was entitled "Fwd: omg! too cute!!!!:)"

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

If you played craps with 12-sided dice, your chances of seven-ing out go way down.

str(move my 6 to the 8, press the 14, give me odds on my 12, I want all the hardways for a quarter each, and I'm coming out again)8

Tea Party
 

Get this man a lifetime supply of OxyContin, stat!

Love, American Style.
 

I assume that when you say fiesty latino bantamweight that you really mean to admit that you're showing up like this








http://www.canadianbacon.org/~oww/pi...onzales/04.jpg


with a 12 piece bucket of fried bantam in each hand.

L(If you can't get in shape, just wear a suit painted to look like muscles)FM

Love, American Style.
 

FYI, an XXXXXXL Hawaiian shirt does NOT make you a "fiesty latino bantamweight." I thought we settled this last time, after that unfortunate incident with Anna Nicole Smith and the speeding hot dog cart.

Talk about worlds colliding.

CDF

Poll: walking out
 

She sure does. A couple of years ago we had a client dinner at Nobu, and she and Kline were seated at the next table with friends. A clandestine peek or two confirmed that she does, indeed, have a righteous rack.

Poll: walking out
 

I was hoping it was Mike Damone.

http://www.dearmitt.com/images/sub_f...me_romanus.jpg

This is some great iced tea, Stacey!

Strange Poll
 

Paigs, sweetie, looks like my awards ceremony of yesterday has reinvigorated your award granting spirit. Mulitple Bilmores in one day! My. Don't worry, I don't think it's derivative. It's probably just excitement left from the Emmys. Well, keep at em.

No PAIGSotD award today, though SD certainly tried. Even you, Paigs, just couldn't muster up enough verbose meaningless banter to live up to expectations. Kind of a phone it in day, aye? Well, that kind of staleness comes with age, but I'm sure you'll still have some days. Who knows, maybe this will have to be a weekly thing instead. Looking forward to what the morning brings...

Random non-reality TV (Angel)
 

I know. It's a sad sad thing. I started watching Angel only recently and it was pretty good for most every season that I saw, but the end of this year was interesting. We'll see where they take it. I saw a script for the first new one, it doesn't look too bad, I guess depending on your perspective.



Edited to add, Atticus, you found a new Avatar for me to annoy people with! But I think I'll keep the armed pussy for a while yet.

Poll: walking out
 

http://www.mipogallery.com/DiegoQuir...ra%20vomit.jpg

We would all appreciate it if that didn't happen again.

Thurgreed(I guess that was payback for me burning your eyes?)Marshall

Poll: walking out
 

We would all appreciate it if you shrunk your pictures down before posting them.

Even(you're throwing off the margins)Odds

Strange Poll
 

Your translation post was pathetic and derivative of me. You cannot even hope to aspire to the great heights I have achieved on this board. I am an icon and you are a poser whose time has passed. Go talk to your socks, creep. Or get some original material. Don't try to use mine because I'm cool and in with the in crowd and you are a dirty old man who's married and squicks everyone out.

TM

Poll: walking out
 

You know, this movie is classified as a comedy, but it's not that funny. In fact, it's pretty depressing. I think the things that made it funny back then (close proximity city livin') were new and amusing. Now, it just seems sad (insert bilmore comment about the wonderfulness of snow).

TM

Love, American Style.
 

Okay. But until then, whenever you feel the urge to get loud, if you have the nerve, look into this:

http://www.orange.co.uk/graduates/images/mirror.gif

TM

Poll: walking out
 

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

Payback? DS was thankful for providing enough TCB material to render her blind.

blASSphemous rumor
 

Notwithstanding her anal fetish, her ass is not that big.

Strange Poll
 

We don't think you're always pathetic.

Poll: walking out
 

Originally posted by Shape Shifter

Careful, that's not much different from a thing for jailbait (and ignoring her TITs, maybe boys).

Poll: walking out
 

Thank you. I have been meaning to look into this guy for quite some time, as I found him very sexy when I was a teen. Did he die? Morph into Judd Nelson?

Strange Poll
 

Amateur hour. Folks, lets get this guy a scholarship to the Less School of Flaming. Leagl, can you set up a donation spot on the board?

Edited to add this great tribute. The great thing about being a tributee is that sometimes you dont een have to do your own work or phone it in. Now I dont have to cavort with the masses strewn across the Strollpast Highway who take weak and derivative shots in order to get someone, anyone to notice them (another sympton of the midlife crisis that befalls married, middleaged men fwith ho hum lawyer jobs and more ho hum lives). I can just use this:

Your [awards] post was pathetic and derivative of me. You cannot even hope to aspire to the great heights I have achieved on this board. I am an icon and you are a poser whose time has [never arrived, and never will]. Go talk to your [fellow of counsel track forty something colleagues], creep. Or get some original material. Don't try to use mine because I'm cool and in with the in crowd and you are a dirty old man who's married and squicks everyone out.


oh, and only those with FB cred get to call me Paigs. To you its paigow, or miss princess if you are crusty.

Strange Poll
 

I always thought Buddists were completely about helping others, but I saw the darker side once.

On vacation in Thailand at one of the touristy temples, I hear the thump-thump of a basketball. Turns out the temple grounds also held a school, and young teens went there to live and be taught Buddism for a year or two. They also had a full court.

Anyway, I find the court, and one of the kids says "5 on 5?" This was the only English I heard in the game. I'm thinking a Buddist b-ball game would be infinite, precise, and beautiful passes to cutting teammates; with no one being materialistic enough to ever shoot.

So we start to run and......I was really wrong. They were the worst ball hogs I've ever seen. They could shoot pretty accurately, but they didn't even think of passing. Passing was so not a part of the game that when I passed, at first, the ball was hitting them and bouncing off. They weren't even thinking of it as an option. The concept apparently didn't translate to their game.

So, always remember, while these nuns were going around blessing the food, they were probably secretely coveting the bacon, or in Atticus' whole food grocery store, perhaps the organic saffron infused tempeh.

Deep even in a Buddist heart, there is some selfishness. Althought, the b-ball guys were really just trainees. Maybe all the ball hogging was sort of a Rumspringa kind of thing.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

TM,

Ya know, I'd be happy to look as nasty as Pesci if it meant i could bang Marisa Tomei. I just saw Aneger Management. The sole redeeming aspect of that car wreck of a flick was that Tomei is wearing her mid-to-late thirties very well. Oh, and John Turturro again stole the show. That cat is so underrated.

S(Nicholson was OK, but he was basically just doing the same ole' "crazy Jack" shtick)D

We call it the Good Morning Burger
 

In a bid to compete with chicken nuggets and cheese sticks, the national cattlemen have come up with deep-fried cheeseburger-fries/rings/nuggets.

Yum!

Beef--it's what's for dinner.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

1) Why does that last statement need to be put in a parenthetical?

2) wearing her mid to late thirties well? What actress doesnt? What attractive woman irl isnt? Do you know anyone who was hot and suddenly looks really old and haggard bc she hit 35? Remember, Sebby, that 35 is the new 25.

Oh yeh, I forgot. you think SATC is a hag fest. good thing you are a guy, they age better.

Perfect Crime Foiled
 

I appreciate the endeavors of professional criminals who are able to put together an absolutely flawless plan.

I am sure that many of these flawless plans are executed and we never hear a word about them.

Then there are the ones tripped up by the same silly thing . . . people's inability to keep their mouths shut.

In Chicago, police were led to 308 kilos of cocained in a warehouse with a street value of $39 MM. The perfect plan: the bricks of cocaine were shipped from Mexico inside vats of frozen guacamole.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

I think you'll find that both number variables will now increase incrementally, coincidently matching your advance in age.

(For instance, did you know that 85 is the new 75?)

Strange Poll
 

GGG,

What is the "PAIGSotD award"? And how did I try for it yesterday? I hammered somebody on a legal point, which is pretty toolish of me, in the sense that only a tool argues shop matters outside shop. I've never seen Paigow do that, so I'm confused as to how I'd win an award with her name in it for doing so. Explain.

S(Could be that its the morning and my brain just isn't up to full speed quite yet)D

Strange Poll
 

For long meaningless posts. Though, in reality, just an opportunity to play bait the bitch. I've gotta stop doing that, but it's kind of amusing to see her rant and there wasn't much going on.

The thing with your posts yesterday is that we heard you the first time, the third time there just wasn't anything new. It's a disease we all succomb to on occassion (maybe I was even doing a bait the bitch reprise yesterday), but you had it badly yesterday.

(edited to add, you're right, I've never seen any indication Paiggy has any ability to engage in legal reasoning)

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Sarah Jessica Parker

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

1. I don't know. Its an awful habit, and an affront to good writing, yet I keep doing it.

2. No. A lot of women look great through their 40s and beyond. remember, I have a thing for very toned well kept 40ish MILFs. That said, I do have some friends of both sexes who are in their mid-30s and beginning to look like shit. They got hitched, some popped out a few kids and now suddenly they've stopped joggin or going to the gym and decided to ease into the pot-bellies and fat asses of old age. I'm shredding my kneecaps and killing my joints, but every f'ing night, I hit that gym, just to make sure I never get "the pot." Feels good to still have roughly the same waist I had in sophomore year. Of course, when I need massive orhtopedic surgery later and have arthritis, maybe I'll sing a different song. Then again, no I won't. I'd rather feel like shit and look great than look like shit and feel ok.

3. SATC has always sucked. What is it? Roger Daltrey with tits, a wrinkled slut who mails in the same "i'm a hot whore" performance week after week, some dumb debutante and a skinny fucked up single mom. And what do they do? Push trendy products and expensive shoes to clueless single recent college grad chicks. Crap. You might as well watch late night infomercials -- at least they don't pretend to have plots -- they just sell idiots the fuckin shoes.

Strange Poll
 

Yep, you're right. I went nuts. But if some dilletante told you how to do your job, you might flip out too.

That, and I've got a fucking screw loose.

S(It wasn't enough to have the board know I was right... I had to drag her through the fucking mud, which makes me all the more pathetic)D