Musings on Dec. 29
 

I can't believe I lost my teasers that included Northwestern, because not one, but TWO onside kicks got returned for touchdowns. By the same fucking guy! That Northwestern kicker is off the charts bad.

Musings on Dec. 29
 

So far so good with UCLA, just need the Gamecocks to come through to guarantee the day and make Miami the gravy.

Musings on Dec. 29
 

Choke of the year.

And resolutions.
 

The only way I could do that is with a twinkie on a stick held in front of me.

Quiet
 

An uneasy quiet has settled over the board this morning and I think I know why. So I'll just articulate what I am guessing is on all of our minds. Watching the early morning Aston Villa-Arsenal fixture live on Fox Soccer Channel, and watching the artistry of Milan Baros, it is hard not to look ahead to the World Cup and recall that the U.S. will be facing not only group top seed Italy, but the potentially more dangerous Czech Republic. Well, all I can say is that, though the U.S. has undeniably drawn one of the tougher groups, remember that it was just two summers ago when unlikely Greece was on its way to the Euro Championships by knocking off arguably superior teams, including Baros' Czech Republic. I hope that provides some much needed perspective this early New Year's Eve morning.

Quiet
 

Just tell me Reyna will be 100%.

Quiet
 

Is our roster locked or can we add some? I'm thinking maybe we offer hurry-up US citizenship to some good guys from the poorer South American countries.

Quiet
 

Nah, we were watching the Taco Bell Grilled Stiffed Burtito Bowl.

Quiet
 

I was still contemplating Scarlett Johansen

Christmas Day Night
 

First of all, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. While they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with them. It puts them on edge. It might put them on bezerker mode. Come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake.”

Holiday Gift Exchanging
 

Not nearly as bad as changing "Pleased as man with man to dwell" to "Pleased in flesh with us to dwell" in HTHAS. I mean, inclusive language is great for dubiously gendered things such as the Father and Holy Ghost, but since when have we doubted the Son had a weiner? Probably a big one, too.

Holiday Gift Exchanging
 

Yeah, and I bet they nailed that motherfucker to the cross too.

Holiday Gift Exchanging
 

If there's internet in HELL will you blog so we all know what we're missing?

Bye bye 2005.
 

On the east coast, 2005 is fast drawing to a close. So consider this a bid for the last FB 2005 post. I'm in my pjs watching 24 on DVD, and I know that y'all wish you were as cool as me.

Bye bye 2005.
 

No this is.

First post of 2006? Woot!

New take on sports posting
 

Let me try a little board reverse psychology with my first sports prediction of 2006. There's no way Shaun Alexander wins the rushing title -- Tiki's got it in the bag. Holmgren won't let Alexander stay out there and get injured.

New take on sports posting
 

After last year's yap? For 50 something yards? You're on for a fin.

New take on sports posting
 

Haha, it worked. I had a big bet on Shaun to win the rushing title. I'm going to keep this shtick up. Tune in later to hear me predict that USC cannot possibly win the Rose Bowl, and about how the Redskins are a lock at Tampa Bay next week.

Claudio Reyna is a dirty hun.
 

<eom>

Claudio Reyna is a dirty hun.
 

first soccer post of '06!!!! Way to f'ing go dude!!!!! You got flower all beat!!!!!!!

Hollywood
 

str8 -- who the fuck greenlighted the movie where the dogs get left behind in Antartica? I could barely watch the preview. Way too upsetting. Yeah, yeah, it implies that at least some of them make it out, but clearly Old Joe (or whatever his name is) or the dumb young one or one of the twins dies. I could maybe watch that movie with the entire middle on fast forward.

Ahem.
 

Is this thing on? Am I the only chump working today? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

Ahem.
 

I think you are the lone chump.

It is raining in southern California, if that makes you feel any better.

Ahem.
 

I thought it never rains in Southern California?

Ahem.
 

But it pours. Oh, man, it pours.

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

Indeed.

Plaintiffs' lawyers suck. Discuss.

If there are any of them on the FB, then present company is excluded, of course. Unless any of you are the lawyer who had the effrontery to sue Piggly-Wiggly for an old guy's fall at the now-bankrupt dollar store next door ("because the sign says that it is the Piggly-Wiggly Plaza, Not Bob, that's why").

Ahem.
 

While looking up the lyrics to confirm that you and wanker are as old as I thought, I found this site: Annoying Song of the Day. If you go to themes, right above "Annoying California Songs" is "Annoying Bob Songs." Luckily we only have a Not Bob here.

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

I am a plaintiff's lawyer, now in recovery. I always considered myself part of the legitimate attorney economy because, if not for my aggressive efforts to keep solvent bystanders in the case, the "controversy" would eventually result in a show trial between my client's $120K in medical liens and the insolvent tortfeasor's $30K in coverage. So buck up, little camper. If not for prick plaintiffs' lawyers like me and Pony, yeah, you'd be at home today, but you'd also only bill 1,100 in 2006, and Internet access ain't free. If I really loved you, I'd write you a three-line meet-and-confer letter about your bullshit interrogatory responses that will be good for another 4.5 in justified billing of your carrier or count against your SIR. I might even use the phrase "bullshit interrogatory responses" so you and your contact at AIG can have a good holiday laugh about what a total dildo I am.

There's only you and me, and we just disagree.
 

I am inexplicably reminded of George Carlin's line -- "I used to be an Irish Catholic, now I'm an American. You know, you grow."

More proof the nation's best reality TV show is "Curb."
 

Larry David on "Blokecrack Fountain": Cowboys Are My Weakness.

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

Well if it's any consolation I had to spend yesterday prepping my young widow client for trial. She made my hardened battle-ass cry 4 times. Over my objection my office is willing to settle this case, depending on how many digits your carrier's check printer is capable of printing.

New take on sports posting
 

The year of the Costanza?

TM

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

big tits?

Hello, all...
 

So, I'm back in the office. What a bummer.

What did I miss? It sure as hell wasn't work, I know that much.

Things Not Bob reads while on a conference call, episode 728.
 

From a list of one-star Amazon reviews about Time Magazine's list of the one hundred best novels (from The Morning News, via www.consumerist.com).

• The Sound and the Fury (1929)
  
  Author: William Faulkner
  
  “This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”

Amen. With apologies to our own occasional poster Wm. Faulkner, of course.

link to the whole list: http://www.themorningnews.org/archiv...statements.php

Hi 2006
 

Anything interesting happen while I was gone?

As of New Years Eve, I have confirmed my suspicion that I have a girl-crush on Neko Case.

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

I don't get a defense lawyer disliking plaintiff's lawyers, or vice versa. Why?

I also don't understand the idiotic need to identify with one group. I used to do both types of cases at the same time. I'd work for a bank in one case, a debtor in another. I've sued an insurer while working for an insurer. It's all just business. I can't imagine getting emotionally involved in this silliness. This idea of exclusively "being on the side of the common man" or "being on the side of business" is so gay. On the criminal side, US Attys and DAs jump over to the defense side to make more money all the time.

I don't see how anyone can be really good at either defense or plaintiff's work wwithout having worked on the other side of the table. It helps you understand your adversary.

If I had my druthers were I forced to remain a lawyer, I'd probably be a crim defense lawyer again (if only it paid what I need...). The idea of prosecuting people and ferreting out corporate malfeasance just doesn't do it for me. I'm too soft. I think everybody deserves a few scandals, arrests, etc... I don't like the moralizing and zero tolerance attitude that goes along with suing people. We all make mistakes. I feel bad holding people accountable.

But, I do have bills, so I do what pays, whatever side of the table it might place me on...

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

If you did thart kind of law, and a collectible client didn't pay you, would you sue?

Got on board a west-bound seven, forty seven.
 

Blah, blah blah. You'd never be a good plaintiff's lawyer.