Um, hello?
 

And I thought the partners in MY office dressed badly...

Um, hello?
 

Yeah, me too. I haven't attended Mass regularly since the Reagan Administration, but I do the whole fasting during Lent thing.

And, here's the official deal on fasting/abstaining from meat thing (from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops via a link from Podunkville's own Our Lady of Perpetual Motion's web site):

Abstinence — is a penitential practice consisting of refraining
from the consumption of meat and is to be observed by all Catholic who are 14 years of age and older. Ash Wednesday, Good Friday, and the Fridays during Lent are days of abstinence.

Pastors and parents are encouraged to see that children who are not bound by the obligation to fast and abstain are led to appreciate an authentic sense of penance.

Fasting — is to be observed on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday by all Catholics between the ages of 18 - 59 years (inclusive). On days of fasting, one full meal is allowed. Two smaller meals, sufficient to maintain strength, may be taken according to one's needs, but together they should not equal another full meal. Eating between meals is not permitted, but liquids are allowed.

Note: If a person is unable to observe the above regulations due to ill health or other serious reasons, they are urged to practice other forms of self-denial that are suitable to their condition.

Um, hello?
 

What kind of fucked up definition of fasting is that? That's more than I eat in a day anyway. 3 meals? Fasting means "don't snack"?

n(I don't know any Catholics who "fast" but if I ever meet one, I'm not gonna feel bad for them)cs

Um, hello?
 

This is why I love being Catholic.

Um, hello?
 

If you look again, it's supposed to be one normal meal, and then eat twice more, so long as the two 'meals' don't equal one full meal. When I used to fast, that would mean a banana for breakfast, a piece of toast and an apple for lunch, and then dinner (fish, natch) with my family. They allow the two snacks to make sure people aren't collapsing left and right. They don't want to lose good Catholics (need to maintain the ranks, after all), just want them to suffer a bit.

C(You eat less than that each day? )deuced

Um, hello?
 

Exactly where does the rEdiculous notion that there is virtue in suffering/sacrifice stem from? I understand that a lot of this silliness comes from Catholics' bizarre need to emulate the lives of saints, but this notion that self denail makes one a "better person" or more moral than others who enjoy themselves more often seems to be pompous self-righteous horseshit.

Beleieve it or not, I am fairly moderate in most of my consumption. Even with mind-bending substances, I try not too get too close to the proverbial cliff. Why am I, and those like me who regualrly partake in enjoying all the carnal desires within reason and still performing at work and having healthy social lives not considered the pinnacle of virtue? Seems to me that those like me are due a hell of a lot more accolades than the idiots who bilndly follow senseless religious edicts and the hoepless addicts who can't control themselves.

Catholicism's edicts are aimed the non-thinking class - the guy who needs rules to keep his otherwise hopelessly addictive personality in check. I know when I hit the "too much" level, and I know enough to not knock up every chick I dated, and I know enough to recognize that one ought to behave in regard to others the way he'd want them to behave toward him. If you need a some idiot in a white robe to read from a "novel from God" to get you to follow simple rules of common decency and self-preservation, you probably oughta stay a Catholic. For me, I'll have my steak, and be annoyed by the glares from screwheads around me who, although they are often educated, have no problem taking a holiday from logic because "Its tradition" or "I'll feel guilty otherwise." If the best religion can use to keep you is guilt, its isn't worth the funny buildings they preach it from.

Benjamin Franklin helped father this nation and he was a desit. The other founding fathers were too religious for my tastes, but they recognized the need to keep the silliness out of govt, and that says a lot. If we were run by Catholics we'd be like a huge Phillipines today, and our govt would be as rotten and wrongheaded as the Saudis'. There's a damn good reason the WASPS kept our hands from the wheel for so long, and as Catholic, I can say it - hell, we all know it.

S(A deist who wants his due)D

Um, hello?
 

John Waters has a good quote about being Catholic: "I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty."

Smart man. Happy fasting and egg eating everyone.

Um, hello?
 

A Slate writer did something similar and concluded that, although the food was better than expected: "Casual dining restaurants serve a very specific function in American dining. In general, you don't take a date to one, unless you are on the way to the prom."

Um, hello? I'll Be Havin Steak Tonight
 

And we're meaner than snakes.

Um, hello?
 

I wonder if a small bag of skittles counts as the small meal or the large meal. My cousin is taking the rap for making us break the fast since his engagement announcement is the reason we're all going to eat tonight.

One more illusion shattered
 

www.jumptheshark.com jumped the shark in about May 2000.

Um, hello?
 

Yeah, as long as you knock up only a few of 'em, in moderation, you'll be cool.

One more illusion shattered
 

Saying that the site jumped the shark itself jumped the shark several months ago. I believe it was October 21 at about 4:53 p.m., Pacific time.

Um, hello?
 

If you are on a budget, Olive Garden has an all-you-can-eat soup, salad and breadstick lunch for five dollars and change. Not every meal has to be gourmet. It's fast, too, so you can get right back to billing.

Um, hello?
 

Not always, but right now, yes. I always thought that fasting connoted liquids only (do other religions that fast have different rules?). I would not consider that diet to be a hardship (unless maybe it was over a several day span, but for 1 day, no way). Lately I have been limiting myself to a full meal at lunch (not high in fat though) and a small dinner-time meal (e.g. english muffin with peanut butter or a Subway 6" sub or a salad). I am trying to cut my calories to around 1700-1800 at the moment because of the ever-looming swimsuit season (hey, I live in Dallas - lots of pressure to look good here).

Usually (when I am not within a month of a trip to Miami with skinny girlfriends) I eat two full meals - lunch and dinner. I don't snack.

N(let the flaming for how unhealthy I am being begin)cs

Doggy Style in the Extreme
 

For 10 points, name the movie and the actor:

"It's not cheating, 'cause it's YOUR DOG"

str8.

Um, hello?
 

Here's what the bishops have to say in answer to your question....

Voluntary fasting from food creates in us a greater openness to God's Spirit and deepens our compassion for those who are forced to go without food. The discomfort brought about by fasting unites us to the sufferings of Christ. Fasting should bring to mind the sufferings of all those for whom Christ suffered. One may refrain from certain foods strictly for dietary purposes, but this would not be Christian penance. Rather, our fasting and refraining is in response to the workings of the Holy Spirit. By fasting we sense a deeper hunger and thirst for God. In a paradoxical way, we feast through fasting—we feast on the spiritual values that lead to works of charity and service. Did not the prophet Isaiah proclaim that such works characterize the fasting that God desires?

This . . . is the fasting that I wish:
releasing those bound unjustly,
untying the thongs of the yoke;
Setting free the oppressed,
breaking every yoke;
Sharing your bread with the hungry,
sheltering the oppressed and the homeless;
Clothing the naked when you see them,
and not turning your back on your own. (Is 58:6-7)

Um, hello?
 

This really complicates my contemplation of a proposal in our school district to limit sex-ed to "abstinence-based" counseling. I had thought I knew what it meant, but now . . .

("No, son, you can date, and screw, but don't EVER take her out for a steak without protection . . .")

Um, hello?
 

That sounds like a lot less than 1700-1800 calories, but I have no idea of how big your lunch is. Most full meals are about 600 calories or so, so adding just an english muffin and peanut butter (120 Kcals for the muffin, another 80-90 for the p.b.), a 6" sub (about 350 kcals) or a salad (could be 100 or 1000, depending on add ons and dressing), could put you well below that. Also, going below 800 calories or so a day could make your body think you're starving and slow down your metabolism. Just be careful is all I'm sayin'.

C(then again, who am I? your mother? eat what you want...)deuced

Um, hello?
 

Not on Fridays during Lent, anyway.

Um, hello?
 

Isn't it a sacrilege to present earnest church teachings to be sarcastic?

Um, hello?
 

Shouldn't you be cleaning out your inbox instead of posting?

E/O

Um, hello?
 

There is no way that I am below 800 cals per day. Thanks for the concern though. :)

Actually my main concern heading into my mid-thirties is that finally all the empty cals (not empty of taste mind you) from alcohol are making their presence known to my butt and thighs. As someone who did not have this problem in my 20s, I'm not sure how to handle this. How can anything related to alcohol be wrong? Life is so unfair!

n(to ward off JFF, yes, I exercise, bitch)cs

Um, hello?
 

Damn. Thanks. That got out of hand.

Fasting
 

Wow, Catholic fasting is way easier than Mormon fasting. Mormons fast the first Sunday of each month. Fasting is complete abstinence from food or drink for two meals or 24 hours (depending on whom you ask). Typically that means no breakfast or lunch on Sunday, no food or drink (even water) whatsoever between arising and just after the blessing on the evening meal.

Some of the most orthodox/orthopractic Mormons won't go out for dessert the Saturday evening before a Fast Sunday, because then they would feel the need to push back Sunday's dinner to get in the full 24 hours. Super-orthodox Mormons will debate whether chewing gum or licking stamps breaks a fast. More liberal Mormons tend to be more casual about the whole fasting thing.

Diabetics, pregnant women and nursing mothers are not supposed to fast, but children are encouraged to fast starting at the age of 8.

"Fast Sunday breath" is a widespread phenomenon among Mormons on Fast Sunday--keep your distance.

tm

Um, hello?
 

Save me a seat at the bar!

One more illusion shattered
 

You don't even want to know when ripping people for making "www.jumptheshark.com jumped the shark" jokes jumped the shark.

str(when will that "Good Morning Miami" guy get his own category on jumptheshark)8

One more illusion shattered
 

I was too late?!? Shit!

T. (so happy I'm missing the GMM reference) S.

Brigham Young [and bring 'em often]
 

Who has time to eat when you have all those assorted wives to knock up?

It gets them ready for their arranged marriage at 10.

not7y(polygamy...better than Atkins)S

Those Prudish Philadelphians
 

In response to the letter from the woman who had a special relationship with her dog, the philly.com website posted the following letter from another reader:

I never thought I would see the day that I would not encourage my children to read the paper. [Insert prudish Main Line Philadelphia sniff here.] Each day, I'd bring home the Daily News and leave it on the coffee table, reminding the kids how much can be learned from reading the newspaper. [rofl]

On April 10, that ended. During my daily read, I came across a column that started out innocently enough - a question from a woman who is lonely when her boyfriend is out of town. Further reading revealed that this woman eases her loneliness by having sexual intercourse with her dog. I stopped reading the paper, the last Daily News I will ever buy.

I understand that this woman has a serious issue, which needs to be addressed immediately. [Um, yeah. That's why she's so fond of the dog.] But I don't understand why the editors felt our daily newspaper was the forum [not to be confused with "Forum"].

Non-news subjects can be a significant part of the paper, but deviate [Do you know the difference between a verb and an adjective?] sexual behavior has no place here. I hope that poor woman finds professional help.

And I hope every parent was lucky enough to toss the April 10 Daily News before it made it to their coffee table.

H.A. Prickett [aka some 13 year old boy with a penchant for bathroom humor], Philadelphia

AM(beware of smiling dogs, men)M

doin the doggy
 

Ahhh, Philly. Gotta love the diversity. Ya got people who wanna do dogs. People who don't wanna do dogs. And people who don't want to read about doin dogs.

What more could you want?

doin the doggy
 

How about dogs who want people to read about people wanting to do dogs?

Those Prudish Philadelphians
 

This entire discussion merely proves how far ahead we are in San Francisco, where long-time residents will remember tales of "Alpo woman" from the local press.

doin the doggy
 

I apologize to all the dogs I insulted by not including them in my post about diversity.


Alpo woman huh. What did she do, put Alpo somewhere and....oh never mind.

Overtime
 

The last two Radiohead albums don't contain any noticeable "message" or protest. And OK Computer only does so in some general, non-explicit technology-skeptic sort of way (and who the hell can tell anyway as you can usually barely understand what he is singing). Radiohead remains one of the few bands of the moment who are actually willing to make their next album different from the last, which is something of a feet in the music world of today.

30-something with slowing metabolism
 

Originally posted by notcasesensitive

This is mostly due to muscle atrophy. Start lifting weights. Don't get frisky and try doing something like benching over your bodyweight without getting checked out by a doc though.

Um, hello? I'll Be Havin Steak Tonight
 

Originally posted by Jack Manfred
Wahoo's whips Rubio's three times a Sunday.

What about Geriatrix?
 

Originally posted by neighsayer

If you like young looking guys, check out the spread of Ashton Kutcher in this month's GQ.

doin the doggy
 

Could not resist another haiku:

Bubba and Earl watched
"I sure wish I could do that!"
"That dog would BITE you!"

AM(can't take authorship credit for that one, either)M

Laci Peterson's Husband arrested and a press conference tonight 9 eastern
 

For anyone who has been following the case of Laci Peterson (the pregnant woman who was due to deliver shortly after she vanished) apparently the police took her husband into custody and will be holding a press conference this evening in about 15 minutes.


"MODESTO, California (CNN) -- Police took the husband of missing pregnant woman Laci Peterson into custody Friday, sources told CNN."

http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/04/1...und/index.html