Uh oh
 

So what the hell do you do when the girlfriend has put on some lbs!!?? There is no way I'm saying ANYTHING, although I constantly am reminded of her weight increase (she's put on about 10-15 lbs) from her subtle comments like "I'm a fatty" and "don't look at my fat ass".

Just the other day she asked me how much a certain ex-girlfriend weighed, and I didn't want to tell her (103 but she was TINY)...I know this sounds shallow but I have a huge aversion to fat, especially since this whole country is grotesquely obese...

FYI, she's great in all other aspects. She keeps telling me she needs to lose weight. I, of course, am not going to overtly agree - I don't want her to get a complex. Additionally, I have received hints of an eating disorder in college, and in no way do I want her to starve herself...

Your thoughts?

Re: April Fools Day Poll
 

I have, on both sides.

Last year I took a coffee cup, cut out the bottom, placed it on a friend's desk and filled it with uncooked rice before putting the lid on top. When the sucker...um...unsuspecting victim lifted the cup to throw it out, voila et voici! rice all over his desk.

Unfortunately for me, he then decided to fill all of my drawers with rice, which makes finding pens and other things somewhat difficult.

Unfortunately for him, someone (and I'm not saying if it was me or not, although I have a pretty good idea) filled his drawers, pen holders, cups, etc. with sugar. That must have been hard to clean up.

Also, a few years back now, I had a friend who had just passed the bar. He was very excited about it. I decided he was too excited about it. Let's say his name is Mike Smith. I called him and left a message in my most official sounding voice that there had been a mistake with the exam results and although he had received confirmation of a passing grade, the notification he received was supposed to have gone to a Mike Smithe. I apologized for the confusion and left my work number for him to call back to ask questions. He didn't make the connection and called back frantic. Needless to say, he was somewhat relieved (but surprisingly pissed) when he heard me (and his wife, also a friend of mine who worked in the next office over) laughing our asses off.

Thurgreed(SI's "Sidd Finch" was a good one too)Marshall

Re: Uh oh
 

My thoughts:

Don't be such a wimp about it.

Either it's a problem for you or it isn't.

If it is a problem for you, tell her. If it's not, tell her to stop whining unless she's going to do something about it.

Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Clearly, you've never been leered at or otherwise street harassed by some perv. This includes the assholes in suits who have to impress their coworkers with their manliness by hassling us.

And am I supposed to wear a fucking burka so that a guy won't make some disgusting comment? If the guys can't control themselves, why not simply restrict them to their houses instead of limiting my life? Has it occurred to any guy that I might be dressing up to impress my friends or for myself that day, and don't care if he's attracted to me? Are you asking to be mugged by wearing that nice watch?

You don't usually piss me off sebby but this was just ignorant.

Re: Uh oh
 

Are you anon because your fat ass gf is a lawyer and/or reads these boards? Because if not, it shouldn't be anon.

It's too bad weight is such an issue with women. I think it is with guys too, to a certain extent, but not nearly as close. I would give her some time. I'm sure she's picking up on your aversion. She should remedy it. If she doesn't, you'll have to say something. If she can't handle it or thinks it's mean, tough. You shouldn't be expected to be with someone you're not attracted to.

And to preempt all of the "What? 10-15 pounds isn't that much! Certainly not enough to comment on" comments which are soon to come, fuck that. You don't like what you don't like. If you can deal with it, cool. If not, you shouldn't have to.

TM

Back in high school, I had this cool little overpowered foreign car that we used for off-road (lumber trails) racing for a bit. ( I think I paid fifty bucks for it, and then made it run.)

On April 1st, a friend tossed a smoke bomb in the front on the floor, (no big deal - carpet was gone, and the inside looked like . . . well, like an off-road racing vehicle), and yelled to me (inside the cabin) that "your car is on fire!" I ran outside, to find several friends trying not to laugh.

Should have been hilarious. Unfortunately, the seat started on fire, then the plastic interior, and finally the whole thing went up. We just backed up and watched while the tires flamed and exploded, and then the gas tank went.

The look on friend's face as the car went up almost made it worthwhile.

Almost.

Re: Uh oh
 

My suggestion: tell her (if you can pull this off plausibly), "I think you look great, but if you're not happy with how you look, why not start a sensible diet/exercise program?"

At least, that's what I tell my husband if he asks me if he's fat -- he's a little sensitive about his weight.

Believe me, her weight gain has not gone unnoticed by her either. If she did have an eating disorder, she is undoubtedly only too aware of how much she weighs, her clothes are tighter, etc. Denying that she's put on weight won't solve anything -- ([one of] my own personal foible[s] is that when I've put on weight and my husband says I haven't I get so pissed off!!), but making her feel badly about it won't win you any points -- and could do damage.

In sum: Encourage the diet/exercise program while reaffirming to her that she looks great to you.

Re: Uh oh
 

Get the bikes out, and start riding together. Walk places that are close. Run up stairs with her. Stop buying and sharing the hot fudge sundaes. Switch to healthier foods, so she does too.

In short, make it a groupthink thing. If fat bothers you, share the pain in banishing it.

Re: Re: Uh oh
 

I might take a more delicate approach. Start suggesting that you go to the gym together. Try going to yoga classes or spinning classes or something. It's a great way to bond and it can be pretty fun with a good partner. You know, someone to share the agony with.

Make it seem like YOU need her to be there for you because it's just too hard to get to the gym when you'd rather be spending time with her.

This may sound manipulative, but there's something to be said for being NICE and not directly telling someone you like spending time with that he or she is fat.

re: uh oh
 

I had to deal with this; both my s/o and I had put on a lot of weight in 2002. I have trouble being direct about stuff like that, but being the ass that I am, I couldn't refrain from making a few comments like "maybe we should skip dessert tonight" or, "let's go for a walk/go to the gym" today, or, in the less tactful vein, "are you really going to eat that whole container of dip?"

Anyways, we really had it out while on vacation in December, as she had had enough of my passive/aggressive comments, and I'd had enough of the weight gaining. Now, we've been on Atkins for 90 days and we're back to the weights we were at when we met (I'm a little less, actually).

If I could go back in time, I'd be less passive/aggressive and more honest and direct, but I suck at that . . .
str(waiting for the Jays to score their first run)8.

Le ignoré, c'est moi? It certainly hurts to be a non-someone when the competition for H.R.H.'s attention are Penske socks.

As for practical jokes, when I did my first trial, I was trailing for an available courtroom on three-hour notice. The morning of the second day, I got a phone message saying the clerk had called and giving a department number. I nearly shat myself, and immediately called the client and all the witnesses telling them to be in the courtroom in less than three hours. I ran around the office like a madman getting everything ready. My supervising partner intercepted me in the parking lot, saying it had been a joke and the clerk hadn't called yet. I would have hauled off an hit him, but he was bigger than me and had played rugby. I had to call the client and say that it had been a mixup in the clerk's office, which was true only in the most literary sense.

Apropos of nothing, I've decided that the only reason the Bible calls homosexuality an "abomination" is that the ancient Hebrews hadn't yet heard Fleetwood Mac, which would have put the word into proper perspective.

Re: Re: Uh oh
 

I posted anon b/c I sound like a dick. Maybe I AM a dick.

Songs about movie stars
 

Can anyone help me with a list of songs about (preferably female) movie stars? I heard the original Candle in the Wind, and started trying to think of more. I haven't come up with very many:

Candle in the Wind
Uptown Girl
and the best of my short list:
One-Eyed Fiona (Julia Roberts -- sample lyric: "Her daddy's gone to heaven/her momma won't like you/her brother he's crazy/just might bite you").

Any more?

The verboten LOL
 

I know I'm not allowed to say this (but up yours, Thurgreed :eek: -- ducking for cover), but my secretary just asked me if I was ok in here, as I just snorted so loudly laughing at this little gem. (I'm so lady-like.)

Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Until you are a woman, you cannot imagine how annoying and objectifiying it is to have men stare at your body. Just flagrantly stare. Which is bad manners by the way. The thought of having some dirty old man jerking off to an image of my breasts later in the day grosses me out. And that is what differes it from haircuts, makeup, whatever. Men view the breasts as a sex organ(s), which is incorrect. I dont want some strange guy mentally or literally masturbating to me. Its gross. And I am not so insecure, that it is the kind of thing that makes me feel better about myself, proves I am a beauty, etc. I am smarter than that, darlin. You want to tell me you are dumbstruck by my razor sharp cheekbones? Go right ahead. I suspect you wont whack off to them later.

As for fake tits and class, name one woman of a certain class who had the foreign objects stuck into her tits. Nouveau riche? Certainly, but not the nonflashy, modest types who represent what class truly is. Fake tits are antithetical to class, by definition. Plenty of trash lives in Greenwich. Most of them overflowing from Westchester. Just go to Dome on Greenwich Ave for a sample. Its been all over for Greenwich since Saks came in. Why do you think my parents moved? :)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Purse Junkie,

"Clearly, you've never been leered at or otherwise street harassed by some perv. This includes the assholes in suits who have to impress their coworkers with their manliness by hassling us."

You're an adult. You know that certain things will make certain peoples' heads turn, and its tremendously disinegnuous to make the argument that leering is a horrific side effect you didn't bargain for. When you dress sexy and are lucky enough to be attractive, you'll get looks from everyone.

"And am I supposed to wear a fucking burka so that a guy won't make some disgusting comment?"

Hey, the lowest common denominator will always make such comments.

"If the guys can't control themselves, why not simply restrict them to their houses instead of limiting my life?"

Well, I've thought the same about women many times, but I realize, life would suck without them, even though they're a royal fucking pain in the ass a lot of the time.

"Has it occurred to any guy that I might be dressing up to impress my friends or for myself that day, and don't care if he's attracted to me?"

Yes. 99.9% of us have decent manners. We check your ass out, but we don't leer, and we naver comment out loud. And you like the idea that someone like me in a suit is smiling when he holds the door for you. You get that because you're attractive. I like the idea that i can get the waitress to seat me because I'm not some fat ugly slug, and I work that angle all the time.

"Are you asking to be mugged by wearing that nice watch?"

If I'm going out and getting very drunk, I'll often wear a different watch. Gotta deal with reality.

I've had a cat make a gross comment to me about my own wife in a bar, loud enough so she could hear it. I just shrug it off with a laugh. You can't get mad at folks like that - just pity them.

S(didn't mean to piss you off)D

Re: Songs about movie stars
 

Bette Davis Eyes
Vogue (mentions several female icons)

Re: Uh oh
 

My thoughts are you cannot do anything unfortunately. The good news is that she has already acknowledged the problem. And if she is smart, she will perceive that you are less attracted to her (ie you dont want to fuck her as much, you dont flatter her as much, she doesnt catch you admiring her as much). Like quittig smoking, getting on a health plan is something she will ahve to do on her own. If she senses someone is trying to subtly push her into it, ("hey honey,. lets join the gym"), she might subconsciously lash out and eat more or something.

I actually had this problem (who hasnt? You get in a relationship and suddenly you go out to dinner more, make full on meals together etc etc). I knew I gained weight and I sensed that the guy wasnt digging it. I asked him if he thought I was overweight and he came out and said I needed to lose a few. That of course did not make me want to lose weight- it made me think he was a superficial asshole.

I have since lost the guy and the weight. Becauise I love myself and want to be optimally healthy and happy and fat is a sign of unhappiness and codependency IMO. A symptom that all is not right

Re: Re: Re: Uh oh
 

You underestimated the importance of the question. Some things are just too important to beat around the bush.

http://riceinfo.rice.edu/projects/re...7/obesity.html

(Spree: Study shows people just standing near the obese are perceived as less attractive and less qualified for employment.)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Paigow,

Some wise old man said long ago "The more you discuss money and sex, the less you have of both." I think the same applies to "class" (or whatever perverse Ralph-Laurened construct of class that passes for its definition today).

American society is fluid as hell, aand the definition of what's classy changes day by day. Ranking people based on their adherence to strictures of what it used to be to be "old money" is absurd in 2003. I've done it myself, and I realize the folly, and the absurdity, of my previous comments. What's one man's poison is another man's caviar. For any of us to try to define with snide pomposity what social rules define us as better than others is silly today. Its a hobby that died with Marriweather Post. We're in the information age now, and I can be in LA or Paris in less than 8 hours. What I'm wearing or how I handle my salad fork really doesn't mean what it did when the bored idle rich wrote the "rules" so many years ago.

I've given up looking up or down at people based on class, because from what I see, you're as likely to find the qualities that should define class in the doorman picking his teeth as you are to find it in an heiress. As I recall, class was the permananet obsession of the kids at the golf course who's parents had more middle names than money. It was a pointless exercise then, and its a pointless exercise today...

Leave the judging to John Ashcroft.

S(Still a music snob, of course)D

Re: Re: Uh oh
 

This is totally passive aggressive and an insult to the gal's intelligence. If you are gonna say something like that, dont underestimate her sense of perception, and just say, hey, you could lose a few. . I love you, but you could lose a few.

But I still think she knows theres a problem and she only brings it up to see if you think so too. She will get with it (or she wont and then you have to decide whats next- but you arent there yet.



edited to fix code. e/o

Re: Re: Re: Re: Uh oh
 

Oh Christ - You tell her she's getting fat and to go jogging. If you let the ass get past a certain point of no return, it'll never go back to its old pert self. Once she's used to being fat, you're fucked.

Same goes for guys. If I'm getting fat, dear, tell me. If a guy can't perform missionary without his gut hanging embarrassingly down near his partners' stomach, he needs liposuction.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Can I tell you that I'm dumbstruck by your cheekbones and then go whack off to your tits? Just need to know the ground rules.

TGITNO (a hint: if you have nice breasts, someone is likely masturbating to them)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
[B]Purse Junkie,

"Clearly, you've never been leered at or otherwise street harassed by some perv. This includes the assholes in suits who have to impress their coworkers with their manliness by hassling us."

You're an adult. You know that certain things will make certain peoples' heads turn, and its tremendously disinegnuous to make the argument that leering is a horrific side effect you didn't bargain for. When you dress sexy and are lucky enough to be attractive, you'll get looks from everyone.



TRANSLATION (props to TM):
Date Rape Guy from Sigme Abs: She wanted it, man.

Sebby, I love you to death, but you are being insentive and disrespectful to women everywhere with this attitude. If you are gonna gape at us like a twelve year old who just had his first wet dream, do us a favor and be subtle about it. ITs classier.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Trust me, there's nothing sexy about my wearing a dull Jones New York suit and carrying a prissy Coach bag on my way to court. We can't leave the works at home so cut us some goddamn slack.

And of course we hear you guys. Every time. Then we tell all our friends who you are and what you said, which is why 90% of you end up nursing beers in bars with male friends muttering about how you'd all like to nail that woman who walked by and ignored you.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by paigowprincess
[B]Paigow - You know I'm not the date rape guy from the baseball fraternity. You and purse junkie are twisting my words unfairly. There's nothign I abhor more than violence toward women. You guys have run my comments pretty far afield of their orginal meaning - either address the points or don't, but please don't shift the playing field to give yourself an unfair advantage.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

PJ - I've never made a lewd comment about a woman in my life. Don't confuse the me with the target of your ire. I am not one of those guys... not even fucking close. In fact, you'd be shocked if you saw me in a bar. The only thing I've ever been accused of by women is being aloof, which is total bullshit.

I've actually had women who were interested in me accuse me of not being forward enough, or being a snob or a dick because I didn't hit on them. How's that shit work? Just cause I'm a guy I have to chase you are around like a fucking chimp and lay tons of rap? What if I just feel like hanging out with friends and getting fucked up and wait for you to talk to me? Why should I have to got out and figure out who's interested - let her come to me.

S(double standard)D

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

This whole thing started bc I asked why people with fakes or big real ones would dress in a way so that their tits were hanging out and attract attention from leery pervs or something. You responded that I have a real hatred of fake tits and big natural ones, which did not answer my question (and of course you couldnt, you dont know what its like to be a woman). But then you said that all women love the attention and more power to them if they flash the tatas and give the men a free show. Which is wrong as PJ and I have demonstrated. THere are at least two of us who dont want it. Probably millions more. then you segued into how if women dressed a certain way, then they should expect to get the attention. THe attention from all sorts of men that they do not want. That is unwanted sexual attention, which is analagous but not as serious, but far more prevalent, to date rape. And the fact that you address it as something that should just be expected and dealt with if we dress a cerain way was your justification for it. Thats just wrong. And thats why I calle dyou date rape guy. bc your mentality is, you dress like it, you deserve to get this unwanted harassment. and you deserve it bc it is expected and you did it anyway.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

You make lewd comments about womens asses practically on a daily basis. Including the forty something with the hot bad and how she must be a vixen in bed. Thats a lewd comment.

And I seriously doubt any woman (well I can think of one or two actually, but they have *issues*) ever would say, "You didnt hit on me! You dick! You snob!" Why? For one it is a ridiculous thing to say. Its a rude thing to say. It assumes that you think you are really all that and a bag of chips to say that to a guy, while saying that really means that you know you are not all that and a bag of chips if you would actually say something like that to a guy. Lets face it- its psycho.

classy...
 

I agree with SD's criticism of your use of "class" distinctions in judging people, paigs. It's an outdated mode of classification and makes the person using it look like an ass. It's judgmental and, quite frankly, recockulous.

You claim old money people don't get their boobs done and do certain other things, but that is total bullshit. I mean, how the fuck do you explain the most recent installment of the Bachelor if that's true? And don't try to tell me it's because the Firestone's aren't "old money." In this young country, they're about as "old money" as you can get.

I'm not saying this proves "classy" people get boob jobs, I'm just saying the distinction between what "classy" people do and don't do is largely irrelevant in the 21st Century.

Re: Songs about movie stars
 

How about this little chestnut?

Joan Crawford - Blue Oyster Cult

Joan Crawford has risen from the graaaaave!

spookyfish

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Paigow,

That puts Rube Goldberg to shame, the only difference being, his mousetrap works.

I make lewd comments on a chat board, so I'm a date rapist mentality? Come on, you're embarrassing yourself here and making Andrea Dworkin look like a moderate. I say many things in the anonymity of a chat board that I'd never say loudly in public. However, that people who dress porovacatively will get attention and should expect it is not one such comment.

My wife happens to be rather attractive, and she's told me many times that she fully expects to have crass idiots whistle at her when she wears something slinky. She doesn't like it, but she sure as hell isn't stupid enough not to recognize that its going to happen. And I didn't excuse it - I merely cited it as a reality that is NEVER going to change. You then twisted my words to fir them into that date rape argument, which you know has absolutely no application here. I'm a bit shocked - that's a very tired trick, and you know me damn better than to try to trap me with a second year associate technique. You're trying to level me with a politically correct argument because you know that those who see that argument used tend to let their vitriol overcome their logic and don't read the underlying substance of the dispute. Its cheap and its beneath you - and I resent your bring it.

I may spout off about how much I love asses and such, but there's a huge line between advocating violence and being a cad on a chat baord, and you know it.

S(This is one topic that riles me)D

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

It's interesting how two women represent millions of women when they share Paigow's view of the world, but two different women who disagree with Paigow are crazy and represent no other women.

Re: Re: Songs about movie stars
 

Some are a bit of a stretch, but...

Martin Scorcese - by King Missile

Magic Johnson - by Red Hot Chili Peppers

76ers - by G. Love

A(It's not like En Vogue would wanna get with me, but just in case I own more condoms then T.L.C.)dL

Paigs, you just got

http://feedback.blackisle.com/images/macro/schooled.jpg

Seb, I like your style. Let's go out and have a drink and gawk at the ladies if we're ever in each other's home town.

(It just occurred to me that I have no clue where you live.)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

This is crap. Just a few posts back you were making distinctions between the way you act IRL and the way you act on this board (rude vs. not rude). The same applies to SD. SD told a story about a woman he saw. He didn't say anything to her, but then he expressed his thoughts here. To notice that a woman has a nice body and then write about it on ananonymous chat board is not lewd.

Why is this such a polarizing issue? People look at each other. BFD. Staring is creepy, but it ain't date rape. To state otherwise diminishes how awful rape is.

The bottom line is this, if a woman is attracted to a man, she isn't going to mind if he surreptitiously checks her out. She may even want him to. If he overtly checks her out he's a pig. If a woman is not attracted to a man, she is going to mind him checking her out no matter how discrete he is. He is a pig by default.

I have seen many clothed breasts in my lifetime. Does this mean that in seeing these clothed breasts I have objectified each and every woman who was the owner of the breasts?

Re: Re: Songs about movie stars
 

While on the subject of movie star songs and Blue Oyster Cult --

How about Godzilla??:eek:

Every time someone mentions Blue Oyster Cult I think of 'Fast Times' (because Damone almost had to work at All-American Burger because he couldn't scalp his BOC tickets) and the SNL sketch of the recording of 'Don't Fear the Reaper' with Christopher Walken -- "I've got a fever, and the only thing that can cure it is more cowbell!!"

On different subjects (since I've been away for a while) --

- Thanks for the congrats on the Final Four pool. Wish I could do that well on my 'real' sheet.
- Not to complain, because I'm not complaining, but are we there yet?? Starting to feel like that Quantum Leap guy...

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Paigow:

http://koti.mbnet.fi/cyrus/images/kickintheass.gif

Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Tits and Str**sand
 

Bullshit.

Bullshit. Bullshit. BULLSHIT!

This issue is not strange men staring at your saggy tits. The issue is the WRONG strange men staring at your saggy tits. Blatantly staring is uncool, I agree. But, please don't imply that guys taking a look is the end of the world.

This whole argument makes me sick. It is such fuckin' bullshit. The whole "I dress provocatively because I like it, not to please other men" crapola. Maybe this is partly true (there are few absolutes in life), but if you're saying this is the only reason why you do it, then my response is, "Bullshit."

You want to be checked out. You just want to be checked out by someone like that nerdy computer guy with the bad hair on bachelorette. Obviously it's rude for a man to just stand there and undress you with his eyes. Similarly, making rude comments about body parts should be off limits. But if you are going to seriously argue that some hot guy checking you out is intrusive and offensive, then you are full of bullshit.

I thought it was to get away from you, so imagine my surprise that you even knew.

TM

PS - Understanding the power dynamic between men and women (physical and societal) and man's history of objectifying women, how upset do most women get when a stranger makes a relatively innocuous statement like, "Looking good," or "Damn. You got it goin' on"?

Clearly I'm not a woman, but when I receive a comment from a woman passerby, it never pisses me off. Is it a male ego thing? Are you guys trying to tell me that you go home in a bad mood when 3 different guys tell you how attractive you are? And yez, I understand that "nice tits" is something completely different.

Re: Re: Re: Songs about movie stars
 

Was Godzilla a female movie star? :p

Oh my god, I haven't thought of that sketch in ages. Hilarious.

Speaking of Christopher Walken, remember the SNL sketch where Kevin Spacey was host and he was doing various actors auditioning for the part of Obi Wan in Star Wars? His Christopher Walken impersonation was spot on.

spooky(isn't this OUR time, Mr. Hand?)fish