Road Trip Albums
 

1. Little Feat; Waiting for Cloumbus
2. Clash; London Calling
3. Stones; Some Girls (Especially if I'm driving through Bakersfield)
4. Elvis Costello; This Year's Model
5. John Hiatt; take your pick

Bridezilla
 

Hi Hottie. My advice is simple. Kill the bitch and come play with me in Chicaqo.

Tuesday night Reality Wrap-Up
 

Spoiler Space for those who plan on seeing Osbournes, American Juniors, or Last Comic Standing some time later

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Osbournes: I'm very disappointed in Ozzy. Blaming it on his shoes. Please. It would have been great for America to see him run 5 miles. But he wussed out. Sucks. The rest of the episode was not memorable.

American Juniors: Well I think the Thompson sisters are stone cold locks tonight. They really stilted the show to put them against very weak competition (last week's contestants were miles better). Canyon Grove was one of the worst singers of the bunch, but that said he's almost as big of a lock to make it to tomorrow, and into the group. My other predictions are Lucy Hale and in a longshot upset, Brennan Hillard. My house was voting for Brennan. I'll try to improve on my 3-for-5 performance last week.

Last Comic Standing: The show was very thoughtfully conceived. I love the idea that the person "voted out" gets a chance to stay by challenging one of his detractors to a 1-on-1 battle. Great format. Fascinating strategy. Lesson from last night: a not-funny comedian with cancer and a nervous twitch is still a not-funny comedian. I also couldn't believe that Sean went after Dave instead of Rich Vos. Dave is obviously brilliant. Rich is much more beatable, I'd think. Nobody's ever going to challenge Ralphie, though, because Ralphie is insanely funny and will win this show. The show is genius, and is my new favorite (at least until BB4 starts).

str8

Here's my new signature, from the current Sports Illustrated:
"This is Rickey, calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball."

Blast from PLF's Past
 

Fuck you. You are such an asshole. Pretty Little Flower, indeed. Stinking Pustulent Chancre is more like it.

Tuesday night Reality Wrap-Up
 

My thoughts almost exactly on Last Comic. I love the premise because it puts a comic at risk to try to oust another strong comic - it rewards picking on the weak so the last comic standing should be funny. As for choosing Mordal over Vos, I think it was because Vos has some name recognition, and Sean probably thought he was vicious, NYC funny. Also, many of them have never seen the others perform, apparently including Sean --> Dave. As each week passes, they will know each other's routines better, and it should change the dynamic weekly. Right now, for example, no one is going to pick Mordal, Dat, or Ralphie because they know they are strong funny. Spiky haired girl, however, is so dead-meat.

Osbournes: I tried to watch it again, but it is so tired. Ozzy is sad. Jack and Kelly are obnoxious. And they have a bunch of hanger-on suck-ups. Who cares at this point?

Road Rules: An amusing season so far as Donnell transforms before our very eyes into a really obnoxious, whiny asshole.

Real World: Unwatchable.

For Love or Money: This should be a half-hour show. Get rid of the repetitive recitations of what everyone already knows and the redundant, recycled rehash of othre dating shows, and get right to the dish.

Paradise Hotel: Only seen it once, but why should I care who stays, goes or arrives? They don't appear to win anything other than the right to stay, and I don't get to see any of the good bits. If they offered 24 hour bedroom cams, I might go for the service.

Anything for Love: Unwatchable.

Top Model: As previously noted, who gives a rat's ass. I flipped across what was apparently supposed to be a sexy scene with a girl undressing (back shot) and talking about how she is comfortable changing in front of other girls, but I could count every rib. <shudder>

Cupid: Simon Cowell's upcoming show appears to be a 50/50 chance between unwatchable and promising. A la AI the first couple shows will show the morons who tried out (which should be hilarious). Then, the ten guys chosen by the girl's best friends from these 30 second tryouts will go on dates, which America will see snippets of each week, and then we vote who is eliminated. Plus, the girl seems cool. Attractive, but not super-hot, but she'd rather go to a baseball game than on a "the most romantic date of my life." (See Paige in For Love or Money after her gondola ride and mack session with the world's most boring attorney, and gag me with a maggot.)

Speaking of which, what the fuck is wrong with women and "romance." Wake up - we know you are all suckers for candles, beaches, or anything else that is so-called "romantic." We don't care. We are using your simplistic, media-created, prejudices to take advantage of you. A canal ride through Venice is not romantic. It is a canoe through a filth-infested sewer, poled by an unwashed misogynist who can't hold a tune, that gives us a change to grope you.

Big Brother 4: We can only hope for even more nekkidness.

Jenna/Heidi Playboy shots
 

Speaking of reality TV nekkidness, the Jenna/Heidi issue is out. Eh. Heidi looks better than Jenna, who looks really over-madeup and seems to have a new nose. Lots of airbrushing, but Heidi appears (I have only seen distorted web scans) to have nice puffy nipples.

Mojitos?
 

This is why my drink of Summer 03 is a martini. As was my drink of 1990-2002. Before that my summer drink was a fattie and a beer.

Tax(classics never fade)wonk

Tuesday night Reality Wrap-Up
 

To keep some spoiler space in:

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Last Comic is a great show. They were all very funny in their routines, and making them go up against each other is an interesting twist. That said, I was sad to see Sean go. (I always cheer the Texans and I thought he was at least in the top half of the comedians.) I hate Rich Vos. I just don't think he's funny. Maybe it's that he's doing a 24/7 impersonation of "stand-up comic" guy from the mid-90s.

Surf Girls: I love this show, and I adore Kula.

Osbornes: Unwatchable. I don't even make the attempt.

Road Rules is a kick.

Real World: I watch it to remind myself why I am so glad to be in my 30s.

For Love or Money: I agree completely. It's kinda fun, but it's excruciatingly long.

Paradise Hotel: Not watching.

Anything for Love: Not watching. The SO saw it and was so horrified he almost couldn't describe it.

Top Model: Not watching.

My favorite reality show, to the horror of all my friends, is: the world poker tour they are currently airing on the travel channel. How could you not watch "Devil Fish" Elliott?!!

Mojitos?
 

ever read Charles Bukowski? one great image: Hank stubles out of bed hungover into the bathroom, the prose:
"it was a beer shit, a good hot one"
first read this in my 12 pack of Buckhorn/Falstaff college days, and it was such an accurate description of something I experienced most mornings, but had never put in words. RIP Hank Chinaski

Mojitos?
 

Vodka tonics all the way. 3 parts vodka, 1/2 part tonic, 1/2 part lime.


Fine, but did you be sure to utilize the finger "smell" test before diving into the fatty? Some surprises do await, ya know.

Now That's Entertainment
 

Lingerie Bowl!

(Spree: "Models Nikki Ziering (L) and Angie Everhart (news) pose for photographers at a news conference announcing plans for 'Lingerie Bowl 2004', a live pay per view event to be televised at halftime during the 2004 Super Bowl, June 25, 2003 in Hollywood. The event will feature two teams of models in custom lingerie taking part in a 7 on 7 tackle football game." Includes a pic of the models in their undies).

Tuesday night Reality Wrap-Up
 

Jesus. Do you get paid per word for briefs, too?

Just say "dollars per fuck. That's what counts."

(Do you do Nevada?)

Mojitos?
 

Being an afficiondo (i can't spell when I'm high) of progress, I have now moved to the spliff and martini (vodka, of course), which officially makes me a spliffinni.

(Or, a "puddle on the sidewalk of life", but who's counting?)

(Prine's coming. (Sung to the tune of "Eli's coming".) I am happy.)

((You dooin OK?)

Mojitos?
 

Fucking pansy. Gimme a cheap gin, neat. Tonic and lime simply contaminate the taste of the juniper . . .

Or a Guinness and a shot of Talisker.
:drunk:

Mojitos?
 

Talisker?

That's a nordic warrior with roots in Finland.

(Well, that clears up a lot, actually . . .)