The Apprentice LA
 

No no no. Mikey hates everything (other than Life cereal, apparently). So it would be

ABBAKiss:Alcohol as Mikey:Life cereal

or

ABBAKiss:Celibacy as Mikey:everything

(I spellchecked celibacy because I suddenly cared how it was spelled.)

The Apprentice LA
 

Hmm. I am a fan of Sleeman's as well. In the pretty clear bottle with the red band. Yummy. Got me through many a highschool part-ay.

Nowadays I drink whatever is put in front of me, although I am a fan of Brooklyn Lager. I will drink that when I'm out.

The Apprentice LA
 

PBR isn't great, but it isn't terrible. I found a bar that sells it for $1 in the can. Most beers are $4-$5 at bars. No beer is 5x better than PBR.

The Apprentice LA
 

This statement alone is enough to question your credibility on what good beer is.

The Apprentice LA
 

Ah - you're right. I was thinking the phrase was "he eats anything!!!!" But it is "he hates everything!!!!"

You are really good at a lot of things. I wish you were into chicks.

The Apprentice LA
 

... because I had so much credibility going into it...

The Apprentice LA
 

"La cerveza por la raza" would be a good slogan. I love me some Pacifico. Fortunately you can buy it online from Vons.

Which brings up another point. I'm a recent convert to online grocery shopping. $5 delivery charge, with no tipping allowed? Why the fuck would anyone waste an hour going to the supermarket?

The Apprentice LA
 

I was trying to avoid sweeping generalizations about you.

The Apprentice LA
 

The obvious answer to your question is:

"To get the fuck out of the house."

Duh.

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

Oralanal or dope from the bench. Either way, everyone wins...

The Apprentice LA
 

An hour? AN HOUR!!!???? I live less than a mile from my grocery store and I can be in and out in less than 15 minutes. Then again, I don't really cook, but still. AN HOUR!?!???

The Apprentice LA
 

Good idea; that would be pretty undeserved.

The Apprentice LA
 

I love going to the grocery store. And, when I was married, it afforded me an opportunity to make phone calls I didn't want the mister to hear.

The Apprentice LA
 

Last year, Christmas fell on a Saturday, and by state law, liquor stores have to be closed on Christmas Day. Additionally liquor stores have to be closed on Sundays by state law.

My brother and I did the run to Specs on Friday, and in the hour and a half that we were there our cart ran into the carts of about two dozen people we knew. Every ten minutes, the loudspeakers would remind everyone that they had to stock up for two days worth of alcohol due to the state-mandated closures. I think we cleared about $600, and we were trying to take it easy.

BTW, mini-bottles of vodka and scotch? Great stocking stuffers.

The Apprentice LA
 

Don't we all.

The Apprentice Waffleass
 

Maybe to keep from having your assfat actually grow into the spaces between the chair cushions?

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

Yes dear. You are so picky sometimes, but I love you so.

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

If there were a rimming accident, would you want the emergency room personnel to see you all dirty? No.

And I was picking on Hank.

The Apprentice LA
 

I hate the grocery store. But then again, I hate people.

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

Why not? Get your money's worth.

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

You always did like Hank best.

The Apprentice LA
 

I like shopping for food a lot. But I detest the smug marrieds at Whole Foods with their produce and five different kinds of cheese. My produce and cheese are so much cooler - I shouldn't have to wait in line behind them.

The Apprentice LA
 

Huh. My Whole Foods runs are generally for 90 different varieties of Amy's frozen foods, beer and Whole Foods pre-made salad bar-type items. But I always end up going there hungry b/c it is a block away so it has become the "we don't feel like actually eating out, so let's just pick something up from Whole Foods and bring it home" option in my not-marrieds household.

In and out within 10 minutes unless not enough aisles are open.

The Apprentice LA
 

Probably depends on the neighborhood. The Whole Foods in chelsea gets a different crowd from the Whole Foods in my neighborhood. It draws an annoying crowd.

eta - there is no beer at my Whole Foods. There used to be a wine store, but they closed it. I think this explains a lot.

Contest: What Does This Headline Mean?
 

You were whiffing on Hank. And don't worry about missing it Flinty, only a small handful of people can tell when Fringey whiffs.

The Apprentice LA
 

At least they are nice to their lobsters:

Care and Feeding
Whole Foods wants lobsters to live large before dying
As told to Richard Connelly

Published: Thursday, December 1, 2005

Lobster tales

Who / What:
Whole Foods Markets

In a world filled with problems, the folks at Whole Foods Markets have found a cause to fight for: the comfort of lobsters. Soon-to-be-killed lobsters, to be exact. The chain has announced it is re-examining its "animal compassionate standards," whatever the hell that means, in regards to how crowded its lobster tanks are. This sounds like TDCJ making sure the cells on death row are painted in a bouncy, "up" color, but what do we know?

"We are viewing the lobster as a live creature rather than a commodity that deserves no concern," company CEO John Mackey said in a prepared statement.

Jimmy Schaefer, manager of the seafood department at the chain's Kirby location, says Whole Foods is looking into more humane ways to transport and sell the crustaceans. (The crustaceans that are typically just days or hours away from being boiled alive by hungry humans.)

The shrimp, flounder and cows sold at Whole Foods aren't getting any re-examination, it appears. A nice plush rug leading to the abattoir's killing floor is apparently too much to ask.

Whole Foods isn't exactly eager to announce this potential change in how it handles condemned lobsters. At first a company PR person said a Houston Press photographer could come to the store and photograph one of the lobster tanks; a second call came shortly after saying permission had been rescinded.

What is it they're hiding? We thought we could find out. We contacted two different Houston-area pet psychics, professionals who say they can commune with animals, even from a distance. One, Griffin Kanter, has a Web site called www.talkwiththeanimals.com, so you know she's got to be legitimate.

Sadly, neither chose to respond. Apparently lobsters aren't as compelling a subject as bouncy, fluffy puppies who wuv their masters.

There's a chance Whole Foods may decide to get out of the lobster-selling business altogether. "They're going to do a lot of research on it, and they're going to make a decision on June 15 if we're going to keep carrying them or not," Schaefer says.

Hmmm, research into how comfortable lobsters are as they sit in tanks and in transit. Griffin -- this is your big chance!

http://www.houstonpress.com/Issues/2...airballs.1.gif

http://www.houstonpress.com/Issues/2...hairballs.html

The Apprentice LA
 

You may spend more dollars per minute that way than the day you buy a house or a car.

BTW, what about cheese creates a delay? It's only veggies, since they have to weigh them.

The Apprentice LA
 

This could be part of a Shape Shifter Slave post.

The Apprentice LA
 

What if they're not married, but have produce and five different kinds of cheese?

The Apprentice LA
 

they should switch to lobster-futti

The Apprentice LA
 

That is my nightly food gathering exercise. I'm addicted to those fruit shakes - "Nature" or "Native" or something like that...

The Apprentice LA
 

I may have mentioned this before, but one of the butchers at the Whole Foods on Kirby makes me nervous. He only has one hand. I try very hard not to stare at the stump, but somehow I just can't look away. I can't bring myself to ask what happened, because I'm not sure I really want to know and/or I'm afraid I'll blurt out something like "what did you marinate it in?"

The meat section always has well-cut selections, and I always end up getting meat there notwithstanding missing-hand guy, but it's a bit disconcerting.

The Apprentice LA
 

that's fine. Then you are a subversive single, like me, with fine choices in food.

And Burger, it's not about the cheese. The lines are just always super premium long, and it just annoys me that I have to wait behind people I look down on.

The Apprentice LA
 

There is also a giant 24 hour SavOn right next door to my Whole Foods, which has not only beer, but all liquor. And lots of it - a full aisle (both sides). There is some sort of locking the aisle mechanism in place, but I have never seen it locked (I guess it is supposed to be locked after bar time). This is a nice (and somewhat unexpected) thing about California. Liquor in drugstores. I sort of thought that since they tend to regulate everything else there would be some sort of State Store liquor policy too. Not so.



ETA: I have mentioned to you all before that my planet rocks, right? Because really it does. I wasn't making that shit up.

The Apprentice LA
 

Naked?

Some woman at WF in BH on Monday night would not just PICK UP her damn kid, who was blocking an aisle. Don't look at me apologetically, bitch, move the kid.

OTOH, the lines are not long at this store, at least not when I have been. when I have been to ncs's WF, the lines have been very long.

The Apprentice LA
 

I'm pretty sure it would have to be called To-Fobster.

The Apprentice LA
 

Yesterday, I found myself behind this perfectly preserved 5'9 high-fortiesish blonde in some sort of tennis/workout outfit.

You could tell she hadn't worked a day in her life and had devoted her time to hotness maintenance.

As I looked at her perfectly toned and slightly tanned calves, and very impressive aging milf ass, all I could think was "Why couldn't I have been born a cute blonde? So easy... Just lay back and let the fat codger pork away every now and again, and spend the rest of your time playing with his money..."

No aging heiress wants a cynical Irish pool boy, and I can't teach tennis...

The Apprentice LA
 

I cannot believe you now that Flinty has exposed you and balt as hook-up frauds. And Central Market is closer, anyway.

The Apprentice LA
 

Do you look down on non-smug marrieds? Please think carefully before you answer, because I rather worship you and would be crushed if I were to find out you held me in disdain.

The Apprentice LA
 

So you are now an Über-smug divorcee? I love this status.

BTW, while trying to find a u with the appropriate dots on it (yeah, yeah, accents schmaccents), I found this website, with the slogan "Better than you, daily." http://uber.nu/ Enjoy.