Why Long Island should be nuked
 

As opposed to the average male American woman's height?

Dammit. I was almost nearly "average height" until this stupid chart. Time to go out and get some seriously slutty spike heels.

Breaking the Paigow Juggernaut
 

You should know me better than that. Now, would you please hand me that bratwurst?

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

And Timmy also sez, what, inches are different for Asians and blacks and hispanics? Isn't that illegal in California?

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

RT posted a break-up script covering this exact (I think) topic not too long ago. If I knew how to search, I'd find it for you.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

I thought the greatest gift was a blow job. Or maybe prosciutto.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

Oh my God, I think I'm dating your friend! My birthday is this weekend! Oh boy, I'm good at this.

First:

Sweetheart, let's talk.

About what? Well, I don't see this going anywhere.

Why? Because I honestly don't feel as strongly as I should, and its not something I can help. Sorry, really.

Don't worry, I've wanted her to do this for some time, so its all cool.

Wow, whudda thunk it.

Hello

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

The visual to accompany this should be the old SNL bit with Garrett Morris.

Breaking the Paigow Juggernaut
 

no. it was a tribute CD "Star Search Winners Sing the Hits of the Buzzcocks- SS Singers Going Steady."
besides ruining the table it rocked.
Justin Timberlake and Brittany Spears do a version of "Why Can't I Touch It" that's better than the original. But why they let Ed McMahon do "Orgasm Addict" I do not know.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

Prosciutto with melons makes a lovely appetizer.

Breaking the Paigow Juggernaut
 

I figured barely's mom bought it for her act. she is an older lady and can't shake it as fast. A nice loungey ballad would be good for a woman of her age.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

Ahh, NotBob, you are, as ever, NotUnhelpful. I too was looking for her script, but couldn't remember a keyword that would winnow the number of results to something manageable.

RT? A reprise?

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

Sadly, don't know it. But as I understand it, *any* bit involving Garrett Morris ought to involve 'snow.'

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

why must you always make references to your TITS? do you think that we forget that you have robust puppies?

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

I thought I was drawing attention to my fascination with salty cured meats.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

Its post #790

Clay all the way
 

Just an FYI and for no other reason, Clay has been doing the TV circuit promoting his new disc (why do they call them albums?) He was on Leno the other night, and the song he sang sounded a lot better than the crap they made him sing on the show.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

did it work?

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

I love to serve that with a pair of robust puppies

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

Damn, are we all short? Female American woman's height-wise I mean.

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

no.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

Ah, trolling for a threesome, a time honored FB tradition.

The whole katy cartoon thing made me glance over at tucker max's site.

He posted pics of the note she left on his car during the whole debacle.

If someone left this on my car, I would fucking freak out.

Here's the back of what she left:

http://www.tuckermax.com/images/vt_targetdesk.jpg

And this is the front

http://www.tuckermax.com/images/vt_backtarget.jpg

Is that laminated? It is good to know her "gossip" is more jucier since she met him. Burger, you may want to drop her an email about the importance of pristine panties.

Glanced. Who are you kidding? You have a crush on him and that was your note.
But...it was disturbing - especially the placement of the bullet holes. Damn woman, you're good.

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

"According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average U.S. woman is 5' 3.7 (162 centimeters) tall and weighs 152 pounds (69 kilograms)." http://www.wonderquest.com/size-women-us.htm

5'4": http://blazernet.ccsd.k12.co.us/medi...re/height.html

"The average American male today stands 5-foot-9 and the average female is just shy of 5-foot-4." http://216.239.41.104/search?q=cache...hl=en&ie=UTF-8

5'3.5": http://www.sexualrecords.com/WSRaverages.html [spree: also contains interesting information about average penis, testicle, vagina, clitoris,, breast, etc. size. No racy pictures]

"Well, according to the Centers for Disease Control, the average height of the American male is 5'9" and the American female is 5'4"." http://www.geocities.com/bigheadedpygmies/

And the official gov numbers:

"Average Height and Weight for Men and Women ages 20+

Men:
Height: 69.1 inches
Weight: 180 lbs

Women:
Height: 63.7 inches
Weight: 152 lbs"

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/bodymeas.htm

Breaking the Paigow Juggernaut
 

sadly, no. she was an exemplary goodie-goodie, and was even head resident advisor on the lawn, the highest honor u.va. bestows upon its nerds. sorta the congressional medal of honor for mega-tools. if she says she made it through without ever seeing, much less doing, a line of coke, i'd believe her, even if it was 1979.

one of my profs said she was known as a grade-grubber. she wheedled a gentleman's b+ in an english writing course into an a. sounds about right.

i would post rumors about her sex life, but that would be both ungentlemanly and completely made up.

Tuck this
 

I can't believe Tucker Max's discussion board has nearly 8,000 members and right now, nearly 600 active users.

Tuck this
 

Yeah, but how many of those are Penske?

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

Really? There is no way the average male is 5'9". At least not around here.

Apparently he had it laminated after the lawsuit.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

We were thinking as one there, right up to the point where you substituted "honesty" for "a good-by blow job."

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

The average woman is pretty damn dumpy. Although I guess that's not surprising. Is that weight median or mean?

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

That's the beauty of it.*




*Really, only if the guy's a jerk, which dtb didn't say he was.

Paper clips
 

I fucking hate them. Especially the little ones. More aggravating than an asshole driver who speeds up when heading towards a traffic light.

If a man left that on your car, you could get him convicted and sent to prison for felony stalking. That Miss Katy is out there promoting herself as a paragon of virtue is pretty sickening.

i heart ncs
 

Indeed. I should have known my heart would be so shallow and created a tribute sock to masque it. Like I have always done in the past with Paigow. And SEC Chick. And Bilmore. And Plated. And PLF. NTTAWWT. Oh well. cat. bag. out.

Carry on.

prospectively edited to add: I lied, I don't heart PLF and never have. Good riddance.

retrospectively edited to add: While I am not the infamous "I *heart* PENSKE" sock, I do, in fact, *heart* myself. Daily. NTTAWWT.

URGENT -- FB Expert Advice Needed
 

If she has a date to cook him dinner, she should keep the date. She cannot cancel the birthday dinner plans because (i) you don't do that unless there is a death in the family (preferably your own) and (ii) it wouldn't leave him with enough time to make alternate birthday plans, and dumping someone in such a way that they are stranded alone to contemplate it on their birthday is really shitty.

She should not break up with him on his birthday. That is obviously a shitty move. Even if done after a goodbye fuck.

She should not break up with him before his birthday, because it would make the dinner, which must be followed through on, uncomfortable.

If she nevertheless really feels the need to break up with him before the birthday dinner, she should do so and then say "if you want to cancel the plans for your birthday, I'll understand," and accept a "no, we'll have dinner as planned" with a show of enthusiasm.

In any event, the way to break up with him is just to say "I've enjoyed our time together, but I'm afraid this just isn't going to work romantically. I hope we can still remain friends." Under no circumstances should she offer any explanation for why it won't work. (They always ask, and there is never an acceptable answer. Certainly not one that the dumped wants to hear. If you offer a non-crushing reason they tend to try to argue, requiring an escalation of reasons from the dumper, which leads only to regret on all parts.) She should just repeat "I'm sorry, I just can't," "I'm sorry, it just won't," and if pressed and desperate, "It's nothing you did, so there is nothing you can do about it," and, ultimately, "I'm afraid I just can't, and I can't discuss it with you further, there's nothing to say."

This is why breakups are, in fact, better handled in letters. It avoids the "but why? Is it something I did?" scene.

Why does anyone need a reason to nuke Long Island or any other part of NY?
 

Which way do you expect a skew such that they would be different?

Tuck this
 

You beat me to it, you bastard! Lets just say I sock there as much as here, but since I'm retired from socking.....oh well you do the math.

retroactively edited to add: I give Tucker a standing ovation for self-promotion. He's the gold standard of a level of narcissism that I can only dream of achieving. I don't heart him, but only because I am scared of STDs, but I do say: Bravo! Bravo indeed!

Why Long Island should be nuked
 

good lord, I have to start eating more. I am extremely under weight for this country. Wasting away practically, by these standards.