Originally Posted by Jack Manfred (Post 376736)

Wikipedia reports that "The song's chord structure was inspired by DeLeo's love of ragtime music, and its lyrics were loosely based on a newspaper article Weiland had read about a girl who had been found dead in an area outside of San Diego. Weiland has also said that the song's lyrics are a metaphor for a failed relationship."

Speaking of failed relationships and following soup sandwich's post, it's important for single women to know that all men fit into one of three categories.

Category One: Simple Man
The overwhelming majority of men (at least 85%) fit into this category. As long as these men have sex and dinner, everything is OK. If you've just had sex and ask a Category One man what he's thinking about, the truthful answer is probably food-related, i.e. "How can I get her to make me a sandwich?" If a Category One man ate before having sex, the truthful answer to the question "What are you thinking about?" is "Nothing." Some women initially find this infuriating, but with time, many women grow to appreciate the fact that a Category One man who is full and just-laid is, for all intents and purposes, equivalent to an appliance in stand-by mode - there's a light on, but the machine isn't actually doing anything at the moment. Once women realize that they're with a Category One man (and gentle reader, you almost certainly are), life becomes easier and the relationship can become almost as simple as he is.

Category Two: Complex Man
While many Category One men think they are complex, if they thought about it even half-seriously, they'd realize that whatever problems they have diminish at least temporarily, with sex & dinner. See Sebby and his "neurosis." Only ten percent of men truly have ambitions beyond sex & dinner. To be sure, the Category Two man wants sex & dinner; after all, there's no need to refuse the pleasures of life. The Category Two man just thinks there are other pleasures to be had - public service, the arts, etc. (Having said that, almost all politicians, artists, etc. are Category One men - the mayor just wants some brisket and a blowjob; the painter paints in the hope that his assistant will ditch that smock so they can fuck... and then go out for Thai.) The Complex Man actually remains unfulfilled if his life revolves solely around food and women. Many smart Category One men will pretend to be Category Two men because seeming to be complex is the only way to score certain hot chicks. A woman who demands that her Category Two man focus solely on her will ruin the relationship. A woman has to accept the essential truth of a Category Two man for a successful relationship, and many women can do so.

Category Three: Complicated Man
While the Complex Man still wants sex & dinner, the Complicated Man may not appreciate either (or in the truly fucked-up case - both). Thankfully, at most, five percent of men are truly complicated. Almost all of them don't know what they want, can't find pleasure in anything, and are cursed. Some use that curse to produce great works of art or to achieve greatness in their fields. Some bona fide holy men are able to truly, to completely reject the pleasures of this world for the promise of the next. A handful find pleasure in some obscure field and isolate themselves from the world and its demands - perhaps to study patterns of butterfly migration or string theory. The takeaway for women is that the Category Three man is undateable. And the rare woman who finds herself attracted only to Category Three men? Well, she is more cursed than those she desires.

Now sunnybunny thinks she's dealing with a Category Two man who needs time to put his life back together in a meaningful way. But you don't need to read a dozen posts to realize that he's just a simple man who is not that into her.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 376746)

1 and 2 include the necessary assumption sex is an uncomplicated act. Shirley you jest there. I'll grant that for some dull people sex is mechanical, but 85 percent of men? That's a bit high. I'd say for most men sex is complicated as hell, but just seems simple because the processes involved in getting it and maintaining a high level of fun in it in a relationship are subtle, and mixed with a lot of subconscious, seemingly instinctual (and actually instinctual) split second decisions taking place in those processes.

Originally Posted by Jack Manfred (Post 376754)

I'm not discussing the mechanics of the sex OR the dinner, either of which can be as simple as PB&J or as complicated as one of those tasting menus at French Laundry.

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch (Post 376753)

And, with this, the Final Word has been spoken. That was brilliant.

Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch (Post 376731)

WTTW, one or two of the posters here have gotten stuck with a "thing" that's their "thing" -- Slave being Shave, Ruysbroeck being into analingus, new york doll being into spanking, Penske sucking cocks at interstate rest stops. Think carefully about whether rotting corpses should really be your "thing."

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 376757)

Poor Not Bob. The cyber-ink on his IM parody materpiece had barely virtually dried when Manfred posted his Definitive Statement on the Male Gender. Oh, Not Bob, your time in the sun was brief, but better that than to toil away in obscurity like the Adders of the world, no? In any event, if you need a digital shoulder upon which to spill your e-tears, I am here for you. Although my brief moment of relevance was many years ago, I remember it as though it were tomorrow.

Originally Posted by Penske_Account (Post 376758)

Bzzzzttt. My thing is alternatively milk maids and/or minour NYE dalliances in the VIP with hot French model types, who, despite claims from the h8rs, did not have adam's apples and were not taped!!

Am I on ignore?

Originally Posted by Penske_Account (Post 376758)

Bzzzzttt. My thing is alternatively milk maids and/or minour NYE dalliances in the VIP with hot French model types, who, despite claims from the h8rs, did not have adam's apples and were not taped!!

Am I on ignore?

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 376761)

I have you on ignore! As a sign of much respect, of course. Much, much respect. But stopping well short of the pathetic fawning one might expect from the non-courner office set. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 376766)

I bet most people look to your retirements as their favorite memory.

No.

O
f
f
e
n
s
e
.

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 376750)

I don't think the fact that you consider convincing someone to have sex, and then actually having sex to be a frightfully tricky maneuver will persuade Jack that you fall into Categories 2 or 3.

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 376757)

Poor Not Bob.

Originally Posted by Diane_Keaton (Post 376747)

Translation: the only way to figure out what Category I fall into is to ask my wife.

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 376778)

You haven't seen how bad my rap is.

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376792)

"Rap?" I think this cat's first problem is that he seems to be stuck in 1983. I bet you do really well with the big hair girls.

TM

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376792)

I bet you do really well with the big hair girls.

TM

Originally Posted by Jack Manfred (Post 376754)

P.S. Diane, clear out your PM box so some people can say thanks.

Originally Posted by Diane_Keaton (Post 376797)

Oh. No need to thank me as long as you enjoyed it and hopefully I didn't use too much teeth. But I've cleared my box for you anyway.

Originally Posted by Penske_Account (Post 376774)

I.D. mostly because I have you on the same ignore in the same way. Also, our inherent corner office bias infuses these ironically coincidental actions. Is it tea time in your wourld yet?

Originally Posted by Diane_Keaton (Post 376745)

Translation: Box Lunch is fine by me.

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376803)

I don't know how many of you have a thing for Marissa Tomei (like I and George have for many, many years), but if you don't, you will after watching her work a hula hoop near the end of this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jApnwm751J4

TM

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376803)

I don't know how many of you have a thing for Marissa Tomei (like I and George have for many, many years), but if you don't, you will after watching her work a hula hoop near the end of this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jApnwm751J4

TM

Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane? (Post 376807)

I think Ellen was emotionally cheating on Portia while watching her.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 376808)

Can't believe you watched. I though you hated Italians?

Originally Posted by Adder (Post 376806)

She is reason enough to see The Wrestler (where she plays a stripper, in canse anyone doesn't know).

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376792)

"Rap?" I think this cat's first problem is that he seems to be stuck in 1983. I bet you do really well with the big hair girls.

TM

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 376812)

Are you mad? That's so 1995.

In 83' I was still coming to grips with masturbation (no pun intended).

Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane? (Post 376813)

In 1983, when I was 8, I went to an auto show that purportedly was showing KITT. It talked and everything! When I tried to engage KITT in conversation, however, it did not respond.

And then I saw the tape recorder. :(

Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane? (Post 376813)

In 1983, when I was 8, I went to an auto show that purportedly was showing KITT. It talked and everything! When I tried to engage KITT in conversation, however, it did not respond.

And then I saw the tape recorder. :(

Originally Posted by sebastian_dangerfield (Post 376814)

Glad to know I was spending my time more productively.

Originally Posted by greatwhitenorthchick (Post 376816)

For most of 1983 I was singing Her Name is Rio into a hairbrush, so there you go.

Originally Posted by LessinSF (Post 376818)

Wrong show, but this is what I was doing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dti8p...eature=related

Originally Posted by greatwhitenorthchick (Post 376816)

For most of 1983 I was singing Her Name is Rio into a hairbrush, so there you go.

Originally Posted by bold_n_brazen (Post 376820)

I was working at the Limited, wearing Forenza sweaters backwards, and doing the Safety Dance, thank you very much.

Originally Posted by barely_legal (Post 376821)

I would have killed to have had you as an older sister in 1983 (assuming you could get me discounts). Did you also wear Outback Red henleys, preferably layered?

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan (Post 376822)

I am the high scorer today on ncs's jazz hands game.

I rule.

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski (Post 376825)

why call it that?

I can't conceive of how people get the higher scores. It seems like there aren't enough possible points. Is there some bonus for quickest win?

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower (Post 376757)

Poor Not Bob. The cyber-ink on his IM parody materpiece had barely virtually dried when Manfred posted his Definitive Statement on the Male Gender. Oh, Not Bob, your time in the sun was brief, but better that than to toil away in obscurity like the Adders of the world, no? In any event, if you need a digital shoulder upon which to spill your e-tears, I am here for you. Although my brief moment of relevance was many years ago, I remember it as though it were tomorrow.