Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Here's a question for the (hetero) guys on the board: How pissed would you be if you found out your gf or wife was cheating on you with another woman?
To be honest, I don't think it would bother me that much. We'd have to have a talk about how emotionally invested she was and I would lose some trust (in that I might be more likely to think she would cheat with a man in the future). But I could live with that.
TM
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I think that "cheating" is different for women with women than women with men. Even among women who are very straight, there's a decent chance they've engage in a little bit of fucking around with other women in college or whenever. But to actually be in a significant relationship with another woman is another thing. Would I be pissed i found out if Mrs. mmm (who is not actually Mrs. mmm, but who cares) ate out some other chick when I wasn't around? Only because I would have liked to participate or at least watch. Would I be pissed if she actually was involved with and cared for a woman that she was fucking around with? Yeah, probably even more pissed than I found out that she had just fucked some guy, and it would probbaly really hurt my feelings.* I guess that (for once) I'm with bnb on this one: if you feel like you want to cheat, address the problems with your relationship and end it before you actually do cheat.
If a woman hasn't figured out that she is basically heterosexual by the time she's in her late 20s or so, I probably wouldn't want to be with her. If she's actually out there trying to figure out if she wants to spend the rest of her life with a woman, then that would really fuck up a relationship, whether I knew or not.
I don't believe that there are that many true middle of the spectrum bisexuals; lots of people fuck around with members of the same sex because sex is fun and hot and all that. The fact that women do it with women without being truly long-term "lesbians" more than men do it with men without being truly long-term "gays" is just a societal thing. History could have gone a different way and Sebby would be offering to show ShapeShifter a quality blowjob, but guys generally don't fuck other guys unless they're at the gay end of the spectrum, whereas women cross over into some playing around all the time. And thank god for it.
* So, anyway, some follow-up on stuff I mentioned previously and some thoughts on snooping: I really watched her like a hawk for a month or so, including reading all her e-mail and actually following her around town a few times. (Which was actually pretty fun because of the spy aspect, but sucked for other reasons.) I didn't see anything problematic and I actually believe that she has never lied to me about anything now. I think that she has more of a problem with booze than I thought, though, because I realize that she tends to really pound drinks a lot and quickly, more so when I'm not around.
I'm starting to realize that I probably jump to conclusions a lot, and I'm really glad that I didn't really confront her about it without evidence, but I also feel bad that I actually snooped on her. I don't think that I could ever tell her the truth; I really feel like I betrayed her by doing so, especially since I didn't find anything. An ex once revealed that she snooped on my e-mail by telling me that she caught me in a very innocuous lie designed to preotect her feelings, and I broke up with her. And I think that it would be appropriate for Mrs. mmm to do the same to me. So, anyway, think about your decision if you decide to snoop, and be prepared for the consequences of either result of your snooping. The result of all this is that I've realized I'm a very good liar, and that my girlfriend's not, and now I feel like this is a big deal in our relationship and the way I'm thinking about it.
So, another question for the board: how often do you lie to your SO about things, whether significant (affairs, etc.) or insignificant ("I didn't see that you called until I was already out the door with the guys on the way to the course.") You can ignore the silly stuff that's necessary ("no, your stretch marks don't bother me and make me want to fuck your sister").
