Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Am I the only one who hears the song "Big Bottom" in my head whenever these "a Fat or not a Fat" discussions appear?

I bet I am. I am alone, so very alone.

You are. Normal people hear "Baby got back" or "I got a big butt" (and I don't care, when I ride the bus they charge me double-fare...)

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
You are. Normal people hear "Baby got back" or "I got a big butt" (and I don't care, when I ride the bus they charge me double-fare...)

So what do you hear? Oh that's right, you constantly hear "It's Raining Men."

Hugs,

Flinty

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
You are. Normal people hear "Baby got back" or "I got a big butt" (and I don't care, when I ride the bus they charge me double-fare...)

Wow. Sir Mix-a-lot. Now there's a flashback.
I saw him in a parking lot one time in one of his "rides" a black 450SL with gold wire wheels, gold door handles, gold antenna and gold license frame and a smokin hot chick with him. My Str8 for the day.
The car smelled a little herbal. OK, a lot herbal.

[str8outavannuys]

This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

I'm guessing her lawyer wrote this letter for her.

ETA: Uh, Board of Integrity?

[LessinSF]

I am you and you are me. I own in a four-unit HOA too, and I am the only one not in a committed relationship who brings people back to my place at 2:00 a.m. after the bars cut us off, and play shit like Bad Religion and the Drive-By Truckers. That said, I carefully made sure to buy a bottom unit and check out the noise when someone walked around in the unit above.

There is something to be said for both sides - "Neighbor, you bought in this cheap-walled place and should expect younger, fun-loving, horny, loud, piano-playing neighbors, so live with me for so long as I don't violate the CC&Rs" versus "Neighbor, not everybody can afford detached homes and it is unreasonable for anyone to have to suffer piano playing at 2:30 a.m. followed by exclamations of 'Oh, I love the way you lick my perineum' at 3:30 a.m."

Both sides have been expressed here, but I think most of you are giving ABBA the benefit of the doubt because of who she is. If this was happening to most of you, you would have written much nastier letters, invoked the CC&Rs, gone bitching to the HOA, and been barking about nuisance lawsuits. Hell, I get angry, homeless crackheads yelling God knows what at each other on my street sometimes and I fantasize (just barely sometimes) about getting a pellet gun to go up on my roof and shoot at them.

Double hell, I've fantasized about going around at night under the overpasses and offing them. I'm pretty sure I could get away with it if I was careful, and I know I would be doing everyone involved a favor.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

Was it signed, Mom, Esquire?

She seems to want your brother to think she is a lawyer who does not inevitably shirk responsibility.

As a lawyer who inevitably shirks responsibility, her posing insults me.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

Please post the promissory note. I wanna read the part about how John Snow will drive up in a Ferrari and pay the debt with grocery bags of cash.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by LessinSF
Hell, I get angry, homeless crackheads yelling God knows what at each other on my street sometimes and I fantasize (just barely sometimes) about getting a pellet gun to go up on my roof and shoot at them.

Double hell, I've fantasized about going around at night under the overpasses and offing them. I'm pretty sure I could get away with it if I was careful, and I know I would be doing everyone involved a favor.

How do you feel about wind chimes?

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by LessinSF
Both sides have been expressed here, but I think most of you are giving ABBA the benefit of the doubt because of who she is.

Actually, most people said that the neighbor was being exceptionally nice, and that if they were the ones who had to hear piano music at 2 am, they would not have been so nice. I think only DebtSlave told her to continue her with nocturnal noise-making.

Originally posted by LessinSF
I fantasize (just barely sometimes) about getting a pellet gun to go up on my roof and shoot at them.

You sick bastard. Barely's not into that sort of [toe-sucking]. Leave her out of it.

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

My suggested response -


Dear Fucking Nutjob,

Money talks, bullshit walks...

Yours truly,

Str8's brother's lawyer

Wait for the hilarity to ensue.

[str8outavannuys]

I bought Springsteen tickets for Minnesota and Dallas. Instead of offering them on eBay, I thought I'd give the Minnesota and Dallas contingent here a crack at them at face value ($200/pair). Any hardcore Springsteen fans out there? SS? Abba? PLF? Bilmore?

This tour is Springsteen without the E-Street Band, probably playing for 2.5 hours.

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by Gattigap
Please post the promissory note. I wanna read the part about how John Snow will drive up in a Ferrari and pay the debt with grocery bags of cash.

Not cash, Gatti, specie. That's the only real money there is, baby -- the rest is all imaginary hoo-ha designed by the Freemasons and the Gnomes of Zurich to allow the Trilateral Commission to control us.

The letter reminds me of a form one of my client's employees turned in demanding that the company stop withholding income tax payments from his paycheck. There was some nonsense about how the provisions of the Internal Revenue Code can only constitutionally apply to customs duties and the residents of Washington D.C., and how the company was not entitled to withhold the money without this crank's permission.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by LessinSF
Both sides have been expressed here, but I think most of you are giving ABBA the benefit of the doubt because of who she is. If this was happening to most of you, you would have written much nastier letters, invoked the CC&Rs, gone bitching to the HOA, and been barking about nuisance lawsuits. Hell, I get angry, homeless crackheads yelling God knows what at each other on my street sometimes and I fantasize (just barely sometimes) about getting a pellet gun to go up on my roof and shoot at them.

Double hell, I've fantasized about going around at night under the overpasses and offing them. I'm pretty sure I could get away with it if I was careful, and I know I would be doing everyone involved a favor.

Next time you're in town, remind me to take you to the blacony where you can aim a laser pointer at the homeless by the bus station to your heart's content. It may save lives.

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
This is an email my brother forwarded me. You might remember he owns and runs schools and summer camps for young fats. Some mother wanted to reserve a place in one of his summer camps for her young fat offspring, and sent some goofy promissory note. My brother wrote back saying that he would need a credit card or check to hold the spot. Here's the reply he got.

Dear [str8's brother]
What makes you think that the instrument I sent you is a promissory note? - particularly when I told you specifically that it is a transfer instrument - a pre-authorized transfer instrument by which the Secretary of the Treasury will 'transfer' credit from my Treasury Direct Account to your bank account.

Why did you consult with your lawyer? - particularly when I instructed you to consult with your Chief Financial Officer because only he would understand not only the instrument but also how it is lawfully processed.

Why are you telling me that I am required to pay you with a check or credit card after I sent you enough to cover both cost and processing fee? - particularly when I told you that your non-acceptance of my instrument meant, under commercial law, that you cannot discriminate against specie and hence the bill is paid upon your refusal (see UCC3-603, with which your lawyer ought to be familiar). The only manner in which the instrument would be deemed invalid is if it is dishonoured by the Treasury. I have a private contract with John Snow whereby he has agreed to honour such instruments. None of you, your lawyer, or your fiduciary is a party to said contract; ergo, none of you can interfere in my commercial affairs. Why did you involve anyone who knows not how an instrument such as this is handled? It seems your lawyer has given you bad counsel. In my eight years of contract law I have noticed that lawyers inevitably shirk responsibility and leave the agents (you) to face the
consequences.

I gave you accurate, detailed instructions and yet you chose to ignore them and do otherwise. You can not complain that the process didn't work nor can you complain that the instrument is invalid. Be advised, your refusal to follow instructions has been deemed a dishonour which I am now bound to report to the proper authorities.

Yours truly,
[Mom of a fat]

cc: Sec. of Treasury, John Snow
Board of Integrity
file

Do you suppose this is the Rude Fat who would not get off of MR's couch when he came home from a busy day at the office?