Quote:
Originally posted by Say_hello_for_me
I don't know why you think "let her break up." equals acting "like such an asshole". I mean, I want her to get to the point where its what she wants to do. Then, she gets what she wants. And I get what I want. Everybody is happy.
Should I wait awhile to make sure she isn't pregnant?
Hello
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Take her somewhere that's not particularly date-y. (If you were in Houston, I'd suggest that new Aquarium place downtown, with a seat next to the shark tank.) Someplace more casual (like the dreaded coffee house) is probably best, especially if quick getaways are needed. It'd be nice if it were near her house, so she can get home quickly.
Order, let her order. Make small talk about the Cubs, who appear to be winning big time right now. Sit down in a nice quiet booth with your tripple lattes, and don't beat around the bush.
Do a varient of this sort of speech, but ONLY IF IT IS TRUE.
"Honey, we've been dating for _____ (days, weeks, months years). I think that you're a great person, and I'm glad that we've been going out.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of stuff, though. And I'm not sure exactly how we fit together anymore. I think that if we continue dating, we'll end up in a place that I don't think either one of us wants to be.
"I don't think that this is working, and I don't think it is fair to either of us to keep on going. ("I don't think it's fair to either of us" replaces the time honored "It's not you, it's me.") I know that this isn't exactly what I want right now, at this point in my life, especially with _____ (other major thing going on in your life that takes up a lot of time and energy, please try to avoid it being work, but if there's nothing else, use work) going on right now.
"I don't want to hurt you, and I do care a lot about you. I just don't see a future for us, and I'm not happy to just tread water here with you until something better comes along. That's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me. (reiterate the not fair thing, but make it a mutual thing). I think it's best that we move on. That's what I want."
(You can throw in something about how you know yourself, and you think that you'll hurt her badly if you keep on going in the relationship, and that it's better do break off now than later)
Wait for some sort of response...
Later on in the conversation, assuming you do not have cappuccino foam all over your face.
"I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me or if you don't want to see me, but you are important to me, and when you've had some time to process this, and if you're ok with it later, I'd like to remain some part of your life."
I cannot emphasize how much the "it's not fair to either of us" helps to minimize the badguyness.
Let her call the shots after telling her it's over. Do not leave any room for doubt about your decision so she can talk you out of it. Do not spend too much time listing all the good times in order to minimize the pain; that will come back to haunt you. She has the right to make accusations that are unfair (to a degree); don't argue the details, especially if they're relatively minor. Take her home if she asks for it, but don't spend too much time with her. Have the breakup sex before you break up with her. A lot cleaner that way. Wait a few weeks before initiating any "I'm not sleeping with anyone, and you're not sleeping with anyone..." conversations.
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