Quote:
Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch
The author was a senior in college, 22, and having her first penetrative sexual experience. We'd like to think that because she grew up to write for New York Magazine, she must have been educated about sex at some point prior to that, but I've learned this is an unsafe assumption -- a person can be very accomplished in clothed life while being weirdly misinformed about sex for a very long time, sometimes their whole lives.
If she held off on sex because she dreaded it, then gave it up for love of her "first real boyfriend" at 22, then experiencing pain during sex would have confirmed her expectations, so no need to call a doctor, right? I think her behavior is entirely WNL for a lot of women. (I also think her use of "rape" as a way of describing bad consensual sex is demeaning to survivors of non-consensual sex, which is an entirely different and worse experience. If I were with her in the clinic I would tell her to check the "No" box -- none of this dithering about "diet caffeine free rape" bullshit.)
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If the question is what box to check, the answer is clearly yes. She felt violated and was harmed, and it's a form about her health.
If the question is was she justified in feeling violated, the answer is also yes, if only for being awoke by him "thrusting I to her."
Does that make it rape for which he should be prosecuted? Probably not. Practically, proof would be hard, but even if it wasn't, he relied on her express assurances and/or lack of objection, and really should be able to do so in the context of a LTR.
A tragedy here is her inability to communicate and the pain she felt as a result of expecting him to read her mind. Part of becoming an adult is learning that lose that expectation.
And a further tragey is whatever led her to behave the way she did, putting up with shit no one should have to put up with.
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