Welcome back E/O, leagl and Fringey: no one say the name "Penske" 3 times in a row

[evenodds]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

And you were with him... why?

I know we geniuses can be engaging and entertaining and there can be a bit of a rush just basking in our glory, but that only lasts so long. Just ask Padma.

Were you engaged in a relationship or watching a trainwreck?

[Confidential to G3: You are completely on this morning. Board crush renewed.]

It's not like I knew going in. He is engaging and entertaining and fabulous and people who know him a little love him. After I fell for him and realized the extent of the problem, I tried to help. Because of my family, I understand the personality intimately and it's not an uncomfortable position for me to be in.

But yeah, hindsight is a motherfucker.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by evenodds

[Confidential to G3: You are completely on this morning. Board crush renewed.]

It's not like I knew going in. He is engaging and entertaining and fabulous and people who know him a little love him. After I fell for him and realized the extent of the problem, I tried to help. Because of my family, I understand the personality intimately and it's not an uncomfortable position for me to be in.

But yeah, hindsight is a motherfucker.

Yeah, you are Padma. You should have married him early and then at least you'd have the alimony to remember him by. Didn't Padma also get a book dedicated to her? That would be cool.

You know, the part in your future, where he obsessively pines for you once you're gone, can be the most poetic part of the whole thing.

(confidential to Hank: where do you find the blushing smilie thingie?)

[robustpuppy]

Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?

Jesus. This guy sounds depressed.

Isn't it nice that in the 21st century we have so many conveniences that we actually get to worry about our own personal happiness?

I agree, he sounds deeply and chronically depressed.

On your second point, I get what you're saying, but navel-gazing is far from a 21st century invention nor has it ever been limited to people who have money and leisure time to spare. I'm sure there were hunter-gatherers out there letting the mastodons escape their clutches or dawdling on the berry hunt because they were busy wondering "is that all there is?" (I always hear this in Homer Simpson's voice.)

It's just more mystifying when rich and successful people do it because you can't help but wonder what they have to feel empty or sad or bored about. I think the fallacy lies in believing that people are happy or unhappy because of their problems or lack thereof. But a majority of people, through most stages in their lives, have a set point for happiness that only varies when there are dramatic changes in their circumstances, and then only temporarily (i.e., they may experience situational, rather than chronic depression). If they are generally happy, they are happy and fulfilled even when their lives are not problem-free, and if they are generally unhappy, they are so despite whatever bounty they may have in their lives.

This is borne out by a number of studies, but I have seen evidence of this in my own family, both extended and immediate. My father was deeply unhappy. It wasn't limited to a feeling of ennui or emptiness. He was prone to rages and ruined every single special occasion in one way or another. (He probably had an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder that would be easily managed today with medication and therapy.) My mother, however, despite being married to him, was a generally happy person who had a gift for making the best of things. She knew how to laugh and enjoy small pleasures. She salvaged all the special occasions. She had regrets, and she was often exhausted by the weight of dealing with my father, but I am pretty sure she didn't feel empty or bored.

Someone once said "industry is the antidote to despair," and I think my mother was an example of that. But I think it worked for her because her temperament was generally happy and optimistic. Had she been prone to depression, I don't think she could have gotten out of bed every day at the crack of dawn.

(So anyway, if you've ever wondered about my particular brand of neurosis, it's because my father was incapable of loving me! This is why I would cry in the shower whenever TM flamed me.)

[robustpuppy]

Originally Posted by evenodds

[Confidential to G3: You are completely on this morning. Board crush renewed.]

I did not just read this.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by robustpuppy

I did not just read this.

Don't worry, I'll do something soon to make her regret it. Always do.

[evenodds]

Originally Posted by robustpuppy

I did not just read this.

What can I say? I love a guy who can distill my feelings accurately into a literary reference.

Even(so happy you're back)Odds

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?

And Alton Brown and the Mythbusters gang need to team up on a show about food myths. Who do I pitch this idea to?

Day late, dollar short.* http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/05/ar...on/05food.html

TM

*And after STPing, this sentence only applies to me.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally Posted by robustpuppy

(This is why I would cry in the shower whenever TM flamed me.)

OMG!

Me. Too.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by evenodds

Ennui, like depression, can be seriously crippling. He is engaged directly in philanthropic passions, he gives away a lot of money to charities and philanthropies, he collects things, he is a competitive athlete, and he is amazing in bed. He believes that through activity he can escape this soul-crushing emptiness he feels.

But he can't.

So, he climbs a mountain and feels empty. He saves people and feels empty. He starts new businesses, he endows programs, he develops new philanthropic ventures and he feels empty.

Being with me, though he loves/loved me, felt empty.

I am not talking about simple pleasure or small joys, but he has the time to obsess: "Am I really happy at a core level?"

That is really the difference between the Chimney Sweep and the Artist formerly known as the Luckiest Man Alive. The Chimney Sweep may have a passing thought "am I really happy?" as he sits in a boardroom or a courtroom, but then there are things to be done. TAFMATLMA can spend hours staring at his own navel, exploring the topography of his own intestinal track and never worry how he will make a car payment or how his employees will make theirs.

My grandfather never had to work. He did because he found it edifying to start companies, hire people, change lives, etc. I do not believe he ever actually made any money from his ventures. It's just what he did for fun -- that and spend time with his grandchildren. My father spent years trying to find himself, until he realized money is ephemeral. My great-grandfather on the other side never escaped his crushing ennui. He tried through art, through acquisitions, etc., but he never escaped the feeling that he was really and truly miserable all the time.

Because of who TAFMATLMA is and what he does, he has time to live deeply inside his own head and obsess over things that other people do not simply have time to worry about. That is the downside of having the freedom that comes with wealth. You can obsess over whether you're truly happy, and for a lot of us, we're just not and no amount of tutoring inner city kids will fix him.

That's what his therapist is for . . . and clearly she's doing a bang-up job.

Sorry, but I am finding this all extremely hard to believe.

This guy is a self-made millionaire, brilliant, athletic, good looking, great in bed and generous with his time and money, but you broke up with him because of "ennui" and that one time he was busy when you wanted to eat pizza and watch the game?

Something is getting left out.

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by robustpuppy

(So anyway, if you've ever wondered about my particular brand of neurosis, it's because my father was incapable of loving me! This is why I would cry in the shower whenever TM flamed me.)

Well, that, and I make you feel dirty.

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower

OMG!

Me. Too.

You only did it to hide the tears.

TM

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by robustpuppy

(So anyway, if you've ever wondered about my particular brand of neurosis, it's because my father was incapable of loving me! This is why I would cry in the shower whenever TM flamed me.)

Sylvia Plath's Daddy for you:

...
Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.



I always loved that one. "The voices just can't worm through." That's great. Of course, I have father issues, too. And Ted Hughes is a rotten schmuck and a mediocre poet.

I was chatting with someone else recently about associating literary works with people and times, and I realized that I can more easily remember the literary associations of my shorter relationships than the actual relationships themselves (yes, Proust evokes a young woman and a moment in time for me). It's sort of the definition of a real relationship for me - when it is no longer a poetic moment.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

There is plenty of reason to be bored. You're posting on an anonymous internet chatboard - does boardom not have something to do with it? Even the luckiest among us must do things that perhaps do not enthrall us. Sometimes for many hours a day.

We usually because we want the end product of our misery. But the problem is that if he's bored and not finding some outlet from the ennui with E/O, well, what's the point for her? That sounds like real hell. A sort of never ending real life No Exit. What I don't understand is how the sex could be good given that recipe.

He's bored, with a huge cock?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall

Sorry, but I am finding this all extremely hard to believe.

This guy is a self-made millionaire, brilliant, athletic, good looking, great in bed and generous with his time and money, but you broke up with him because of "ennui" and that one time he was busy when you wanted to eat pizza and watch the game?

Something is getting left out.

TM

A self-absorbed person thoroughly dissatisfied with everything in his life would be a terrible boyfriend, no matter how much money, looks, or talent he has.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

He's bored, with a huge cock?

Well, apparently that fed the relationship for some period, but it sounds like she ate without being nourished. A sort of celery diet.