A Friendly Correction for those Man-Haters who Delve to be Single

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally Posted by Adder

Hey, you've got to thank those people. They give you a really easy reason to ding them. They've volunteered themselves as dumb.

Dear Adder,

Thank you.

Love,

Flower

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

Ugh, now I'm having flashbacks to several of the really crappy candidates I've interviewed -- the ones who list "interests" that are either things they barely do ("Oh, I actually just got into that recently") or are just dumb ("working out", "reading", or -- worst of all -- "people").

People put their interests on resumes?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower

Oh boo fucking hoo. I can't even remember "Almost 40" and Detroit had more snow this year than the North Pole, so fuck you. Let's try that story again. I'll get you started:

She asked how fast I run and I told her that on a casual run, I was not one of those 'under-6' guys. She laughed and said she had enough 'under-6' guys for a lifetime, and her eyes perceptibly lowered and stopped just below my belt. It would not be the last time she stopped just below my belt that day.

I fixed the cable?

[Adder]

Originally Posted by Pretty Little Flower

Dear Adder,

Thank you.

Love,

Flower

Ouch. I do not think I had an "interests" section on my resume when you read it, and if I did, they were not things about which I had nothing to say.

But knowing me there was probably a typo.

Either way, you were entirely justified.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Not Bob

Imaginary friends of the FB, I need your help. I had lunch with a client today, and was stumped by a question -- "what hobbies do you have?"

The truth is, I don't have any hobbies -- at least not ones that I can share with a client ("well, Ted, I like to swill Manhattans while watching "Girls" on HBO and regretting the fact that I never dated that one Shoshana-like girl in college who sat next to me in Econ 101").

I mean, I read, but so what? I need a plausible and socially-acceptable for a Tool of the Patriarchy fake hobby. I suppose I could say that I golf -- I hit the links once every 2 or 3 years, and if actually invited by a client, could beg off with some excuse. Plus, my honest assessment of my golfing ability ("my handicap is in triple digits" or, personal favorite, "I can usually get the ball past the windmill into the clown's mouth in 3") comes across as modest self-deprecation.

Any other suggestions? For some reason, I can't mention playing tennis with a straight face. I can't fake sailing (I'm too Irish, and not in the lace-curtain Kennedy way) or biking (Flower's stories scare me).

You've never been to an art museum? Seen a pretty picture? Boom, you're interested in art. Taken a picture of something that wasn't a highway historical marker or your summer rental? You're a photographer.

If you like food, you can either be a foodie or a cook. You don't literally do nothing but read, drink, and think unpure thoughts about Lena Dunham, who is really just a half-step above precocious, but everyone thinks is so avant garde because she's willing to take her top off. What interests you? Makes you curious?

You can try to fake it, but you're really much better off going with something you have an actual interest (or at least a familiarity) in.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Jack Manfred

Later this spring, I'll have a couple days of downtime in the Research Triangle. Didn't one or more of you go to school/work/grow up in that area? I've heard it's a nice place to visit, but I don't know what if anything I should visit while I'm there. (I know I have to try some Carolina BBQ, and I remember from watching Colbert, that there's a serious NC v. SC rivalry on that topic.)

Helpful suggestions appreciated.

Jack Manfred

P.S. Those who wonder when Aimee Mann will make another mostly up-tempo, poppy record like "I'm With Stupid" should check out The Both. It's a project with Aimee Mann and Ted Leo. I think it's still streaming on npr.org/music and worth a listen.

Carolina barbecue is a whole different thing. I would personally devote a lot of time to trying as many places as I could, eating just a little at each one so my cardiologist doesn't hunt me down and beat me.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

I like Thurgreed's hobby.

It's more of an avocation, really. A calling, if you will.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

Ugh, now I'm having flashbacks to several of the really crappy candidates I've interviewed -- the ones who list "interests" that are either things they barely do ("Oh, I actually just got into that recently") or are just dumb ("working out", "reading", or -- worst of all -- "people").

What makes reading a dumb interest? I'd wager at least a third of the people here are pretty much always working on at least a couple of books. I would double down that you are one of them.

[taxwonk]

Yeah, I'm wonking. It's been months since I've actually done it. Blow me for America.

(Query to PLF, if one of you actually blows me, would it be solicited, or does a general, nonspecific statement to people all over the country still count as unsolicited fellatio?)

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally Posted by taxwonk

Yeah, I'm wonking. It's been months since I've actually done it. Blow me for America.

(Query to PLF, if one of you actually blows me, would it be solicited, or does a general, nonspecific statement to people all over the country still count as unsolicited fellatio?)

I can't get past the condition precedent to your query.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally Posted by Adder

Yup. Big shot partner at former firm would totally ask to go running with someone, client or otherwise. He used to do it to associates that worked with him if he knew they were also runners. I was never entirely sure if he knew how compelled they felt to say yes. I honestly suspect he didn't, but you never know with those types.

And, of course, he was as fanatical about running as everything else in life, so several of those associates reported struggling to keep up despite their multi-decade age advantage.

You think this was anything other than a power play?

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by taxwonk

You've never been to an art museum? Seen a pretty picture? Boom, you're interested in art. Taken a picture of something that wasn't a highway historical marker or your summer rental? You're a photographer.

If you like food, you can either be a foodie or a cook. You don't literally do nothing but read, drink, and think unpure thoughts about Lena Dunham, who is really just a half-step above precocious, but everyone thinks is so avant garde because she's willing to take her top off. What interests you? Makes you curious?

You can try to fake it, but you're really much better off going with something you have an actual interest (or at least a familiarity) in.

For the next few days he could claim to have given up all hobbies for lent. I mean, unless he looks Jewish, because they killed our God.

[Jack Manfred]

Originally Posted by Not Bob

Thank you all for the suggestions of a fake hobby. I'm especially grateful to those realists who didn't fight the hypo. For this next meeting, I'm leaning toward a modified Icky ("been too busy with the MacGillicuddy matter for you guys to do much of anything lately, but I'm looking to ease my way back on a par 3 one of these days"). I am, however, intrigued by the scuba suggestion from Barely and Lester's baseball nut approach. The baseball thing could actually tie into golf; my old high school pitching injury acts up and allows me to beg off on golf excursions.

Sadly, I'm not enough of a foodie to go the route suggested by Sidd and RT, but I can see that working well for others.

Have you considered woodworking? You could also try the more down-to-earth "puttering around the house." Feel free to substitute "workshop" or "garage."

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by taxwonk

What makes reading a dumb interest? I'd wager at least a third of the people here are pretty much always working on at least a couple of books. I would double down that you are one of them.

That's not a hobby. It should be a routine part of any educated person's life. If one thinks of reading as a hobby one has a strange sense of basic life choices.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally Posted by Jack Manfred

Have you considered woodworking? You could also try the more down-to-earth "puttering around the house." Feel free to substitute "workshop" or "garage."

Have any of you even considered that NotBob is less concerned about what response he is going to manufacture for clients and more concerned THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY HOBBIES???? People, this is a cry for help. NotBob is a lawyer who, in his free time, enjoys the law, learning about the law, attempting to obtain more law clients, and talking about the law on anonymous chatting boards for lawyers. NotBob does not need to take up woodworking so he can check off that box in his form letter-style conversation with clients. NotBob need to start getting in shape to be a Crashed Ice racer, or an urban base jumper, or something else that is likely to result in him getting simultaneous fellatio from the entire USC cheerleading squad while guzzling all the free Red Bull he can stomach.